Residence of Paris Hilton and Paris Latsis

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Wanna see where Paris² live? Don’t pretend not to be a little bit curious… I personally expected more mirrors and maybe a stripper pole in the party room.[link]

In completely unrelated news, Tom Cruise unexpectedly passed away today, only days before his 43rd  birthday. Once again I feel I should remind you that I believe everything I read on the internet. So naturally this means two things, this report is 100% accurate and Xenu is pretty frikkin’ pissed off.

Morning Quick Hits: Snack Edition – Coke, Apples, Doritos And Circus Midgets

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Jack Nicholson, not a dull boy, rewrites his threesome scene in the upcoming Scorsese film The Departed. "Jack didn’t feel there was enough Jack in his character" and apparently "Jack" involves snorting cocaine off a partner’s buttocks and dildos!

Tom Cruise‘s squirt-happy pranksters are out on bail and promised to sacrifice their water guns over to Xenu as a peace offering, immediately.

Chris Martin is honoring his baby Apple, by getting a tattoo of her name. Strange, usually when I honor apples I just go ahead and take a big bite out of the middle…

Saddam Hussein is addicted to Doritos and thinks fondly of Ronald Reagan.

…I got nothing for that last one. So I will just carry on with the links.

Cardinal Sin dies, Satan surrenders.

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Family Guy movie will be released straight to DVD September 27th. Oh that is freakin’ smurf. That is freakin’ smurf 

PETA tries to stop Shrine Circus.  Next on list:  Santa Claus and his reindeer.

DNA on McDonald’s Burgers link 3 men to a robbery. Sample said to be found in the special sauce…

Harry says Sally can’t fake ‘em anymore. Here comes the science.

Cannabis-based painkiller now available in Canada.  Side effects include munchies, urge to listen to Jimi Hendrix.

Japanese inventors unveil ultra-lifelike robot. In other news, Rick Deckard was arrested at a sushi stand, reportedly brought in for one last job. 

 

You’re going to be a daddy! Lesson # 1

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Ben Affleck channels Kevin Federline. You think you’re excited now, just wait until they get matching mullets.

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Ladies…ladies… you’re doing your pregnancy all wrong. THIS is your moment. If you carry a baby in the womb, the man responsible for it must play "fetch the hormonal angry pregnant lady whatever she damn well wants and do it with a smile" game. It’s a 9 month long game, you can’t lose and it’s fun for the whole family…

Who Missed Who?

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On a crowded subway, the leering eyes of a dirty
old man lock onto an attractive young woman. He wants her. She knows
it. She taunts him. But what deep secret does she hide?

Just in case subways didn’t scare you enough already.[watch now]