I Never Copped a Feel

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Mjfeel_2

Yee-hee! Jacko’s in court and swears "He never copped a feel, it doesn’t turn him on." Crack open a Jesus Juice and enjoy this musical spoof.

I think we have another few weeks left of poking fun at Michael Jackson. You know, until he does something to top this…[watch now]

Morning Quick Hits: Popes in hats and batty desires

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Popehat

Pope Benedict Arnold to give up papacy to become a fireman. In a bizarre twist, firemen everywhere are forced to wear that ridiculous Pope hat.

The new Coldplay album debuts at number one this week but don’t expect the title to last, as an album of Super Annoying Ringtones Volume 1 is set to drop next week.

Big Bird and LeVar Burton will be looking for new jobs if all Federal funding for  Public Broadcasting is cut. Bob Ross would roll over in his grave if only his tremendous afro didn’t get in the way. (and yes, that’s the second Bob Ross reference in as many weeks. I’m just gonna come out and say it: Bob Ross is is the new pink.)

Bob Geldof directs hackers to attack Ebay after Live 8 tickets went up for sale. Soon after hackers google "Bob Geldof", they simply shrugged it off and resumed downloading porn.

Kid Rock is being sued by a Dj. Both men seem to be totally okay with telling the press that they got into a fight at a strip club on a Friday night. I…I didn’t know strip clubs were a good place to admit to being at on a Friday night. Oh wait… It was a Monday night! Carry on. My bad.

Jermaine Jackson: "My brother is at peace, stop picking on himTito…yo…get me a tissue! TITO!"

Kirstin Dunst is dating again (and no it’s not Jake Gyllenhaal or as I used to know him until the BWE blog "that dude from Donnie Darko"). She warned potential suitors that her friendship with Jake is forever and ever, kind of like herpes, but much, much moodier.

Britney Spears is engaged again. Hmm. Maybe J-Lo isn’t the celebrity you should be following in the footsteps of sweetie-bear.

Michael Caine
wants a bigger "bat role". Hey Mike, don’t you know it’s not the size of your bat role but how you use it that matters.

Afternoon Linkage: The Past Haunts Us

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Kimstartrek

Kim Cattrall is still upset about Sex and the City. So long as she knows that no one would have remembered her name had it not been for that show, save a  handful of trekkies who remember her role as a frigid Vulcan in Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country.

Could Michael Jackson be performing at Live 8? Oh, and Mr. Sneddon, he wants his penis pictures back.

Jennifer Garner to ruin another childhood classic. Look for her in Charlotte’s Web, along with Julia Roberts and Dakota Fanning coming to theaters in 2006.

Schwarzenegger was jeered at a Graduation Speech.  As a response, he grabbed a protester and shouted, "Who is your daddy and what does he do?"

Eddie Murphy returns to his musical career in  "Dreamgirls". That sort of makes me want to "Party all the time".

and now for the question we have been asking since the dawn of time: Is Mike D. of the Beastie Boys really related to Dustin Diamond from "Saved by the Bell"?

Daily Show Newshunter Game

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Dailyshow

“Do you have the killer instinct that made the Daily Show
correspondents what they are today? Then it’s time to get out of your
dreams and into our news van! Your mission is to do whatever it takes
to get the story first. And be smug about it.”

Now it’s your turn to be a big time news correspondent in this fun little flash game brought to you by the folks at comedy central.[play now]

The Brothers Grimm Trailer

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Brother_grimm


A dark fantasy about the two "Brothers Grimm"
(Ledger and Damon) who travel around the Napoleonic countryside
vanquishing fake monsters and demons in exchange for cash. When the
French government figures out what they’re up to, they force the
brothers to deal with the real thing — a number of murders being
committed under mysterious circumstances in the northern woods between
Germany and France. It is there that they have to try and discover
what’s really happening and deal with it before more people are killed
or their lack of success leads to the guillotine.

Have you seen the new trailer for Terry Gilliam‘s latest film yet? If not, be sure to check it out.[watch now]

Thanks, CNN.com!

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Blooper_1

See class, that’s how you do it. First, you ask a question. Then you argue your point by presenting the evidence. 

And try not to giggle every time you write 69… that’s just immature.

Rachel gets fruity

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Sclubfruitcancer


Rachel Stevens who you may remember from S Club 7 fame, wants you to reach down into
your pants and hold your testicles in the the palm of your hand. I have a feeling that if all instructional videos were this *ahhem* informative they would have a much higher success rate. [Watch now]

Morning Quick Hits: Resistance is futile

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50cent

Rapper 50 cent wants a piece of Lindsay Lohan. The thought of this sends shivers down my spine, but hey, " black men love" her.

We are the Scientologists. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. Tom Cruise has hired a "minder" for Katie Holmes. Hm, I’m still curious as to why anyone would think Scientology is a cult.

Nothing says Republican fundraiser like family values and porn stars. Porn star Mary Carey answers questions Tuesday as she shows off her outfit for the evening’s event at a news conference in Washington. Insert timely "Deep Throat" joke here.

Night_elf

Blizzard Entertainment, creator of great video games such as World of Warcraft are giving away a rare, life-size mannequin of a Night Elf female. As if video game players are not already anti-social enough, why not give ‘em a blow up doll and make it seem totally normal. It should come with 2 years of therapy for free. But hey, at least Blizzard know their market right?

Hilary Duff has a hole in her head. Okay her ear, but it’s a big ol’ hole.

And the truth comes out? Jennifer Aniston wanted Brad Pitt’s babies after all, but he cheated on her with Angelina Jolie. Finally, some closure.