Morning Quick Hits: The Marriage Edition

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Parishiltonquits

Paris Hilton plans to leave the limelight. Not to be confused with night-vision.

Katie Holmes jumps headfirst into Scientology.  One more convert and Tom Cruise gets to wear the official Xenu cape for a month. All hail, Xenu.

Alicia Silverstone marries at Lake Tahoe. It was a pretty normal ceremony, up until the point that she and Liv Tyler snuck out, won an amateur stripping contest, shoplifted, and hijaked a tractor from a well built farm boy. What a day!

Demi Moore and Rod Stewart get naked….No, they were not together.

Boxer Kevin McBride reveals that Mike Tyson attempted to bite his nipple during latest bout. Damn, that guy keeps getting kinkier and kinkier.

and Alanis Morissette  who was apparently really "angry" or something, has grown past that. Probably thanks to a few thousand jagged little pills.

Choose Michael’s Adventure…

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Choose_your_own_adventure

Well, here it comes people. The verdict is expected at 4:30 this afternoon, meaning that this is the last chance you can weigh in with your predictions.

Here we go…

Is that you Paris?

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Notparis

Hiring the right person for an advertising campaign is important. However, sometimes you can’t get the celebrity endorsement you’re looking for. In those cases, I recommend you get a look-alike. Like this one.[watch now]

Word up to the Dark side

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Star Wars Gangsta Rap Special Edition.

Starwarsrap

The
intergalactic gangsta rap now has a whole new flava in this Star Wars
Gangsta Rap Special Edition. This remake features all-new and improved
animation that would blow away any Death Star. Check it today.

iPod shuffle

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Ipod4

This guy is clearly fed up with iPod commercials, and proves it by dancing in an all black outfit at a local Apple store. [watch video here]

Notice how he’s completely ignored. I guess this kind of thing happens in Apple stores all the time… or at least that’s what I’d like to believe. 

Paris Hilton Carl Jr Doll That’s Hot Sexy Barbie

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Asdf

This one of a kind recreation features Paris Hilton
from her sexy Carl’s Jr Commercial.  Check it online and compare
(there’s also a photo below–not included).  Paris comes complete with
her slinky shiny black bikini–including studded buckles and high
heels.  She’s wearing all the jewelry–necklaces, rings and bracelets.
Also included is a white fur and Chrysler 300C, which she seductively
poses over while sliding the Spicy BBQ Burger
down her throat

I think to say that if you’re a grown man and still playing with barbies that it’s definitely NOT hot. [ebay auction here ]

Monday Quick Hits – Destiny Fulfilled, Bale bullied

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D_child

Destiny’s Child announced that they will be parting ways at the conclusion of their tour. VH1 is already working on a "Where Are They Now?" show for Kelly and Michelle.

Scarlett Johansson fantasizes about having sex in the backseat of a car. Scarlett, I just wanted to let you know that my parents have a teal 1994 Chevy Cavalier which they let me drive sometimes.  I’m just saying.

Christian Bale admitted that he was picked on by bullies when he was younger.   Little did they know that Bale would grow up to slay dragons, kill hookers, and follow in the footsteps of Michael Keaton and Val Kilmer. They probably could have made fun of him for the Keaton/Kilmer thing.

Meanwhile, Katie Holmes gushes about Tom Cruise. The world wonders when this will stop being news.


Finally, The Bonnaroo Festival drew 80,000 fans over the weekend.  The state of Tennessee expects to finally lose that "funky post- Bonnaroo" smell by mid October.

Mr. & Mrs. Jolie

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Angelina_jolie_2

Angelina Jolie’s stormy love life is to be turned into a film by her former assistant. Patricia Ebert has written a screenplay based on the Hollywood beauty’s tempestuous marriage, and subsequent split, from director and actor Billy Bob Thornton. [continue reading]

All I want for Christmas is for this movie to be rated NC-17. Is that too much to ask?