SI Swimsuit Issue Gets It All Wrong



Well, the Swimsuit Issue is up on SI’s website, and after looking at it for several hours, I realize there is something wrong here. No body paint pictures? No, they’re there. Topless group pictures of all-star models? They’re there too. Kid Rock video? Of course it’s there as well. What’s wrong is the Maria Sharapova gallery. She looks great, of course, but what makes her so attractive to people is not only that she’s pretty but that she can play tennis better than just about anyone. It’s her skill that sets her apart.

I think it’s nice to celebrate the beauty of athletes, but if you take them off the court and put them in bathing suits like the rest of the models, they just look like regular people (well, really attractive people). Of course, I could be wrong, so I better go do some more research.

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: Daily Show on “Duck Hunt” Cheney


When I first heard that Vice President Cheney accidentally shot one of his Republican cronies in the face while hunting, my thoughts and prayers immediately went out to…Jon Stewart and the Daily Show, asking that they might handle such an extraordinary event with the wit and brilliance of which they are capable.  Those prayers were answered.

Google Search: The Bachelor’s Moana Dixon



After last night’s thrilling 2 hour episode,  it’s down to two lucky ladies vying for the heart and the manly meatiness of Travis Stork. Now it’s a toss up between kindergarten teacher Sarah Stone and LA hispter Moana Dixon. While Stork and Stone share as much chemistry as a 6 year-old and a bowl of fiber-enriched nutri-grain cereal , Moana seems poised to take the (beef)cake. But after a quick google search and the discovery of Moana’s My Space page, we now think otherwise.  After the jump, we investigate Moana’s page for signs of heartbreak.

Read more…

What Happens When You Get Shot by a Sitting Vice President



The Corpus Christi Caller Times (they broke the story) has a reenactment of the Cheney shooting. George Gongora, an "avid shooter" fired at a paper target 30 yards away. Here’s the result:
"We can pretty much see that at least over 200 BBs have touched this area right here," [George] Gongora said, motioning to the face and torso area of the target.

There’s video too! (No lawyers or Republican donors were harmed in the making of this film.)

While You Were Ordering Take Out



  • Pop stars Robbie WIlliams and Shakira have prompted rumors of an unlikely romance. People are deeming it unlikely because she happens to be of Columbian decent, while he happens to be gay.
  • Bode Miller was disqualified for straddling a gate today. When reached for comment, Miller slurred, "The gate was asking for it. Anybody want to go to a diner and get some cheese fries?"
  • Sienna Miller says "Stay single." She’s expected to practice what she preaches for at least a couple of hours until she finds somebody else in Hollywood willing to put up with her.
  • Saddam is going on a hunger strike. Which I’d imagine is must easier to do when you’re eating prison food.
  • Chris Penn’s death was an accident. And for the record, so was his involvement in Corky Romano.

Total Winter Olympics Coverage


Now that the time is once again upon us when we have to pretend to enjoy "sports" such as curling, bobsledding and cross-country skiing, you might find CRACKED’s Guide to the Winter Olympics helpful and informative when trying to maintain coherent conversations with your co-workers about last night’s biathalon matchups.




With the Olympics, the Westminster Dog Show, Skating With Celebrities, and 24- Monday night really was the Best Night Ever. Don’t believe me? Watch the video.

See? Now what are you waiting for, join our YouTube group NOW.

Hooray for Vajayjay Day!!



Happy Vagina Monologues Day!! In the past few years, the provocative play has been staged at college campuses, old folks homes and dinner theaters across the country in an effort to make women comfortable with their hoohas.  But more importantly, it’s allowed local reporters to write the innocently crass headlines we have grown to love. Here are 2006’s top three headlines about the Vagina Monologues from around the country.

3. Taking a Crack at the Vagina : This is from a local paper in Alberta Canada. The clever reporter made sure the oft neglected backside wasn’t left out of this V-day celebration. The only thing that could have made this headline better was a negative review (it stinks!)

2. Vagina Warriors Conquer Monologues: This Cal State Polytechnic newsletter takes the ferociously feminst approach, depiting the show as a battle between woman and monlogue. Sure woman beats monologue but doesn’t beat packed screening of The Wedding Singer playing across the hall.

1. Old Vagina Finds Good Body: I have no idea what this means which makes it the best headline ever. Ohio State University’s "student voice" publication apparently finds the play dated or perhaps the performance just isn’t tight enough.