Monday Morning Quick Hits

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Simoncowell_1

Simon Cowell on his first sexual experience: "I think that seconds
might be too long a unit. I just wanted to get her out as quickly as
possible so I could tell all my mates I had done it". Hmm.

Mariel
Hemingway
to star as lesbian secret service agent in new show on the
gay TV network. In other news, there’s a gay TV network.

Elijah Wood is impressed by the quality of photoshops on the Interweb that show him in homoerotic situations.

Disney signs Patrick Stewart to play Dad in upcoming "Bambi 2". Make it so.

Australian pop star
and English glamour model to try to upstage Posh
and Beck’s
over the top wedding, by using a 725-meter long train on her
dress and have a lifesize replica of her boobs for the cake.

Paris Hilton insists she has a low sex drive, she gets better traction that way.

Italian rock star
performs in front of 200,000. It would have been
200,005, but those 5 decided to just skip straight to robbing his house.

Tom Cruise tricks Jamie Foxx into attending 3-hour Scientology
presentation
. Foxx relieved that Cruise didn’t try the "penis in the
popcorn" trick.

Nathan Lane & Matthew Broderick to star in Odd Couple revival. I guess life doesn’t move that fast.

Weezer Jam Session

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Weezer_jam_session 

"E,O and the Spacebar for certain drums. Follow the guide to play them when they should be played."

 
This flash game has been around for a bit but it’s still a good way to waste 5 minutes even if it’s to Weezer.[play]

Consent

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Picon_af_consent_lrg_1


Before having sex, always make sure you have
protection. Legal protection. Sign here for the lawyer-laden world of
modern intimacy and give your Consent.

Hilarious short film on legally protected sexual relations. This is your must watch video of the day.[watch now]

Cooking with Bigfoot

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Cooking_with_bigfoot

The linked episode features Michael Jackson inviting Bigfoot to his slumber party ice cream social. This is one ice cream social I want nothing to do with. EVER. Cooking with Bigfoot features adult themes, cartoon violence and profanity and may not be work safe. In that case, I suggest you bookmark it and watch the episodes at home.

Link thanks to:
CynicalSmirk

Friday Morning Quick Hits

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Richard

Survivor
winner Richard Hatch indicted on 10 counts of tax evasion and fraud.
The thought of pound-me-in-the-ass prison made him do it.

Tara Reid robbed of nearly $180,000 worth of jewelry while filming "Taradise" for the E! Network. Captain Morgan is being held up for questioning.

What’s up with Ms. Lopez these days? "Don’t be fooled by the fetus that I got, I’m still Jenny from the block."

Ozzy Osbourne says he’s lost count of the number of rehab clinics he has attended. So it must be more than three.

ABC to offer all its primetime shows in Spanish to prove that they suck in two languages.

Brits pissed off that an American has won the coveted Mercury Prize.
And not just any American, but a 6’4" transvestite from New York.

"South Park" gets 3 year extension with Comedy Central. Trey and Matt
expected to flip out and go chill out in Africa any day now.

Message found in a bottle floating down a New Orleans street,
…"Please send beer. I’m out at this time. … Some shrimp &
oysters would be appreciated".
I’ve always said it’s good to have priorities.

Sake
ice cream
a big hit in Japan – Thirsty Americans waiting to see if
Beyers picks up on the trend & starts to produce Tequila sherbet,
Vanilla Gin, or Vodka Neapolitan Vodka in the US.

Kanye West knocks Mariah Carey out of top Billboard spot. Obviously Kanye West doesn’t care about white people.

Michael Moore considering Hurricane Katrina documentary. Food shortages
expected to continue on the Gulf Coast for a very, very long time.

Thursday Afternoon Quick Hits

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9816925368170003

Famous photographer LaChappelle unloads on Jessica and Ashlee Simpson: "they’re
everything wrong with culture, and everything wrong with art
, and what
we think of as art and musical culture – in one family!"
Hey David, remember that time you did that Burger King commercial? That was super duper cultured of you. Or  that time you filmed the music video for Britney Spears or Avril Lavigne or Moby or insert lame pop star of the moment here.

Nick Cave walks off stage, refuses to play after being told he could not bring his beer and cigarettes up with him. Since when do rockstars ask permission?

Rolling
Stones
hire expert to examine why their new single isn’t getting
airplay. Expert’s initial findings: You’re 60 years old and your song
sucks.

Couple living under water so scientists can study the effects on the
body.
When asked what they will miss most, the answer was ‘air’.

Britney Spears schedules Cesarean. Cletus wonders if he can get extra of them little hard bread things.