Katie Holmes: A girl from a far away creek?

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Let’s just say I was doing some research this morning on Ms. Holmes. I am a little concerned for Tom’s safety…

Observe:

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Alien_holmes

What is she hiding? I think I’m on to something here folks and I’m going to get to the bottom of it…

Saved by the wedding bells

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Smiththiessen071105

HOW WE MET TIFFANI’S BEST FRIEND JENNIE WORKED WITH BRADY AND KNEW HE WAS RIGHT FOR TIFFANI…AND SHE WAS CORRECT. OUR FIRST DATE WAS NOV. 2, 2004!

Sorry Zack, but Kelly Kapowski got married. Thankfully, it wasn’t to Jeff, that handsome college guy that she worked with at The Max… I never trusted him.

But don’t worry kids, I’m sure this is a two-parter episode. Screech will come through in the end like he always does…

Oh and speaking of weddings, look who has a wedding website.

Tom Cruise’s Personal War of the Worlds

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If the movie is as scary as this trailer, we should be worried…[watch now]

I thought my days of laughing at Tom Cruise jokes were coming to an end. I thought that I was laughed out. That the jokes were over. That the sun wouldn’t come up today. But then I found this flash video and all my fears vanished.

The folks of Boom Chicago (creators of this precious flash video) are geniuses. If you have an hour to spare, I suggest you start going through all their video archives. After you finish watching Tom Cruise’s Personal War of the Worlds

Check these out:

Hazrad100New on Al Qaeda TV: The Dukes of Haz`rad
Sonda_100

Secret Agent Condolezza Rice is the new 007
Michaelpod_100

New iPod commercial features Michael Jackson

The Tom Cruise Scientology Centre

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Tom_scientology

Tom Cruise is totally stealing ideas from Kirk Cameron‘s Way of The Master website. I’m telling Candace. Who will tell Kirk and THEN Cameron and Kirk are so  totally going to ban-inate you from heaven for this one, Tom. There will be no crawling back to Jesus then…[Link]

Scientologist-wannabe’s, be sure to click around on all the goodies…Liquid Generation outdid themselves this time.
 

Ted Nugent is Knockin’ at Michigan’s door

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Ted Nugent may run for Governor of Michigan.

Nugent Ted_nugent

WHAT?

Please tell me this is not a publicity stunt for a new album. Let it be true.  I never thought anyone who could write books with titles such as "Gods, Guns, and Rock ‘N’ Roll", "Blood Trails
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and "Kill It & Grill It" or classic album titles such as "Penetrator", "If You Can’t Lick ‘Em…Lick ‘Em" and "Full Bluntal Nugity" would EVER attempt to wear a real suit… let alone attempt to govern an entire state.

Nugent On his favorite arthropod:

"(The botanists) come to my ranch in Michigan every year, where I
have a wonderful specialized wetlands known as a fen . . . the only
piece of ecosystem in North America where the Mitchell’s Satyr
Butterfly is thriving, an endangered species everywhere, except on Ted
Nugent’s property."

Nugent On Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes:

"I see a lot of smiles. I love when people are happy. She’s a
bomber. She’s stunning. He’s a handsome young man and a brilliant actor
unto himself."

On what he would do in the event of a "War of the Worlds"-like alien invasion:

"I’m privy to some firepower dynamics that your average civilian is
not and we would just wipe the (expletives) out. And then we’d probably
sauté them and use them for bait and kill some bear over their
carcasses."

Want to hear more?

On that note, I would like to say that I think Nugent shouldn’t have any problem obtaining the female voter’s support with classics like "
Come and get it "
and "Wang Dang Sweet Poontang".

Tuesday Morning Random Video Linkage Time: Safety First

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Ballet


If you watch any of these video links today, be sure to watch this one.  It may be the only ballet I’ve ever enjoyed watching. A man and his machinery is a thing of beauty.

Trojancondom

Here lies (what I believe to be) the greatest and perhaps the scariest condom commercial ever made.

Electrosausage

Sure, you might not find this video all that amusing but had it been you and your friends in the backyard electrocuting sausages you would think it was pretty frikkin’ awesome too. 


Euro_condom


Ahhem. This blog believes in safe sex.  So, you know how I said that Trojan condom commercial was the greatest condom commercial ever… of all time? Well, I think maybe I’ve changed my mind. Those Europeans are so very clever. There is just no stopping them. Watch this condom commercial and then move to Europe for crazy European (protected) sex.

I’m Tom Cruise, and I’m in LOVE!!!

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This is a blog to show just how much I love Katie, and just how much we
both love living life together, and being awesome, and believing in
Scientology!

Everything is so awesome in his life. Totally, totally, awesome. Read all about it at Tom’s very own blog.[link]

McDonald’s Employee Of The Month

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tToomanyhappymeals

Mcdonald’s is a magical place.[watch now]

Oh and I totally didn’t know this is how Boston Runners keep in shape. I’m so moving to Boston.

In other news:

Will someone explain to me why one would spend a million dollars on a mobile home?

President Bush‘s TV ratings plummet. Fox expected to cancel him, wait for millions to be made on the dvds, then re-air him.

Ford is rolling out a new hybrid, but before you hand over your down
payment, be advised that it is a hybrid between a tricycle and a box of
sh*t.

  Indiana town kills Jesus. Don’t worry, he’ll probably be back in a few days.

Niche? But it’s David Coulier!

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I am flabbergasted. David Coulier people. David Coulier. Only "Niche"? Meanwhile Bob Saget is apparently "famous".  He must have slept with the NNDB tracker’s wife because I can’t find anyone else’s profile insulting 90′s television gods…oh wait…maybe I can… and wouldn’t you know they were in  Full House too: Lori Loughlin got rated as "some what" famous. That’s charming. Hmm. So did Candace Bure.

Oh god. This just got even better. (Yes, I’m posting as I am discovering…)

Candace has a site and I was just about to make a joke about her falling off the face of the earth to do porn but oh no. She has a website.

Growing_in_god

Growing in God with Candace.

Good god! Kirk Cameron got to her. The way of the master strikes again!

Well, lets just say I took her "are you a good person test" and failed miserably. I think I got like 8 or 9 of 10 wrong. Yeah, they were the commandments and Yeah, I may be going to hell but I’m not going to sit here and take advice from an actress with a fame status of "somewhat". If Kirk and her combine their "somewhat" statuses or they get someone famous like Bog Saget, THEN maybe I’ll consider praying.