YOU tell ME who it’s gonna be

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Bo_and_carrie_1

Who’s gonna win tonight: The guy who thinks he’s Gregg Allman or the girl who thinks she’s Faith Hill?

So who’s going to win? Besides America. Seacrest out.

tuesday’s math lesson

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Justin_guarini

(X)

Adam_duritz_3

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Phil_spector_1

C’mon, how can Phil Spector possibly be guilty with that hair??? The man is clearly innocent… and awesome.

getting behind eminem

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MSNBC.com has a little report today about Eminem’s new video. They have an interesting way of writing about it, though. Check it out:

Eminem_2 The provocative white rapper has a new video for his song “[three letter vulgarity for derriere redacted] Like That” which features puppets who engage in lesbian activity.

Hmm. Three letter vulgarity for derriere redacted? That sounds like a pretty unorthodox rap title, don’t you think?

If MSNBC really didn’t want to write the word "Ass" I’m sure they could’ve come up with a better term than "Three letter vulgarity for derriere redacted." How about:

  • [Donkey] Like That
  • [What you're sitting on right now] Like That
  • [J-Lo's Best Feature] Like That
  • [Charlie O'Connell] Like That
  • [Sir Mix-A-Lot's Favorite Subject Matter] Like That
  • [Rosie O'Donnell Has a Fat One] Like That
  • [The thing you feel like when somebody catches you voting for the next "American Idol"] Like That
  • [What Eminem's baggy jeans barely cover] Like That

Wow, all this ass talk has caused me to completely gloss over the fact that his new video features lesbian puppets. Sorry, but after watching the unrated version of "Team America" I don’t think there’s anything puppets can do anymore that will shock me. Better luck next time Em. You [derriere redacted].

Kevin The PA’s Links of the Day

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What’s up, my  name is Kevin and I’m the brand new PA here at Best Week Ever. For those of you not "in the biz" PA technically stands for Practically Anything. So, when I was asked to start contributing cool links to the BWE blog, I thought, "Well, that falls under my job description… I guess I have to do it."  So here they are. Oh, and if you hate them, please, be gentle. Because like the The Godfather said (The one from the WWF, not that lame movie) "PA’ing ain’t easy."

BeyonceBeyonce had her father and manager Matthew Knowles saying no, no, no when she fired him the other day. I guess Christmas and Thanksgiving dinner just weren’t awkward enough.  

Everyone’s favorite housewife Eva Longoria is reportedly dating Kiefer Sutherland.  Last week it was Darth Vader, now its Jack Bauer.  I’ve done the math, and I figure that at this rate she’ll be dating me by… Thursday!

California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger drew inspiration for his political career from the most unlikely of sources- Hitler!  The Terminator said, “I admire him for being such a good public speaker and his way of getting to the people and so on."  Good thing there are no Jews in Hollywood… 

Mover over Lohan, its been reported that Katie Holmes will star alongside Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible 3.  This week. Now if only Cruise would’ve landed Kate Bosworth like he originally wanted, who knows what would’ve happened.

"Star Wars" brought in huge numbers this past weekend, making a staggering 158.5 million dollars at the box office.  Look for it to beat out "Return of the King" and "The Matrix" as the greatest movie ever on the imdb top 250. Actually, no… it probably won’t. Sorry losers.   

thanks england

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Saddam

Well, I guess now we know where he was hiding those Weapons of Mass Destruction.

Thank you, I’ll be here all week.

desperately wanting

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Oscar-winning actress Halle Berry desperately wants to make a cameo on the hit show "Desperate Housewives. Unfortunately for her, the cast has banded together to bring this to a halt, fearing that Berry would "cheapen" the show. Halle_berry

Let me say that again.

The cast that includes:

  • Teri "Brainsmasher: A Love Story" Hatcher
  • Felicity "Christmas With The Kranks" Huffman
  • Eva "The Young And The Restless" Longoria
  • Marcia "Melrose Place" Cross

and

  • Nicollette "Beverly Hills Ninja" Sheridan

Are all worried about Oscar-winner Halle Berry CHEAPENING the show.

Listen, I know she was Catwoman, but we can’t hold that against her forever, can we? Can we, Marcia "Female Perversions" Cross? Can we?

Let Halle make her cameo. I’m sure she’ll even let you all touch her Oscar if you ask nicely. Well, except for you, Steven "Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday" Culp. You might just get to look at it, that’s all.

create your own caption

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After checking its fat content, a gaunt Lindsay Lohan finally just said "F— it" and devoured a fully operational microphone in front of hundreds of stunned onlookers. It’s expected to pass sometime this weekend.

Your turn.

britney and kevin count to 10

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Britney and her second husband Kevin appeared on Letterman last night to promote their new television clusterf— show "Chaotic." Here are their Top 10 Reasons to Watch.

Britney_kevin

10. Britney: There’s never-before-seen footage of me wrestling an alligator.

9. Kevin: Unlike those "Desperate Housewives" chicks, we’re not, like, 60 years old.

8. Britney: It’s like "American Idol" except no one sleeps with Paula Abdul

7. Kevin: In the first episode, you can see my ass.

6. Britney: I’m hot.

5. Kevin: She’s hot.

4. Britney and Kevin: We haven’t had nearly enough media coverage.

3. Britney: It’s gotta be better than this show.

2. Kevin: If enough people tune in, maybe my wife will make out with Madonna again.

1. Britney: In the season finale, you’ll find out that Dave is the father of my baby — oops.

I missed it last night, did any of these things happen? I’d be particularly interested in seeing Brit take on an alligator. At this point I think it’d be a pretty even match.

So what did you guys think of the show? Is it a complete disaster or is it amazing? Or both?

Quick Hits

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Orlando_bloomColdplay will kick off a 36-City tour this August. Chris Martin looks forward to impregnating groupies in each city and naming them after pieces of produce to give Apple fruity friends to play with.

Jason Priestley got married in the Bahamas over the weekend. Sadly, NOT to Emily Valentine.

A Robin Williams impersonator has agreed to stop acting like Robin Williams after a lawsuit was filed against him. He’s sad that he will no longer be able to make money off the gig, but he’s excited that now people might actually be able to tolerate being around him.

MTV has announced that they will air a new reality show starring RUN DMC’s Reverend Run. Adidas stock is expected to soar.

Orlando Bloom said he perfected his acting skills by pretending to act like a lizard. In a related story, Josh Hartnett revealed that he perfected his by acting like a rock.

Lindsay Lohan to star in Mission Impossible 3? That’s un-possible!

advanced math

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(X)

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And somehow, Natalie Portman still looks amazing. Wow. Something just doesn’t add up.