Wednesday Quick Hits

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Angelina Jolie adopts an Ethiopian orphan. Oh really? Well, if you call within the next 30 minutes to adopt me, Ms. Jolie. We’ll even throw in a FREE Sport Illustrated Football Phone!  Operators are standing by…(the time is now)

London
gets the 2012 Olympics.  France surrenders.

Colonel Mustard, in the senior citizen’s center, with a candlestick.

Britney
wants to rush a new album to stores cause Cletus Federline has spent all her money.

Prince Albert
admits he had a child with a stewardess, also admits it would have been better to put it in her can…

Martha Stewart claims her prison nickname was ‘M. Diddy’ after constructing a lace-lined escape tunnel using a single punch ladle.

What You Waiting For?

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Finally, a site that reveals why Gwen named her album "Love. Angel. Music. Baby."

If you have the time, browse a little. It’s a really cool site, even if they do taunt you to "Take a chance you stupid ho."

Oh, and also, you can buy merchandise to dress like Gwen. Of course, once she outgrows this Harajuku phase you’ll still be stuck with a $42 tank top with a banana on it. But still, take a chance you stupid ho. [link here]

Britney Invades My Space

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I LOVE MY FANS

Thanks guys for every thing you have done!  I wouldn’t be what I am today with out your support!  ♥ Britney

Leave a message ya’ll…[link]

Tom Cruise… need we say more

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Ladies and gentlemen,
Tom Cruise has tossed off the shackles of Hollywood oppression and is
piloting his Scientology-fueled funny car straight towards you. The
tires are smoking and he’s screaming to the stands about Katie,
psychiatry, sex, space aliens, and Brooke Shields. We invite you to
grab some popcorn and watch for a few minutes before the crash…

It’s official people: Tom Cruise is Nuts. Check out the inevitable website that was 2 months in the making…

Not Exactly a Firecracker

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Hey, did you do anything stupid on the 4th of July? Drink too much? Blow your hand off? Set yourself on fire? No? Okay, well then, you’re much smarter than this guy is. Watch the video here now, and make your very own "do not try this at home" joke later.

Trailer Crashers

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Watch Samuel L. Jackson and Arnold Schwarzewhatever crash the
Wedding Crashers trailer.[watch now]

I want to watch the whole movie done like this.

Tuesday Morning Quick Hits:

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Pink Floyd donates entire 1343% increase in sales to charity. Further proof they are gods.

Backstreet Boys
tickets not selling, despite low prices and 3-for-2 deals; "it is starting to look like a Spinal Tap tour". No it’s not guys, Spinal Tap played their own instruments.

Pittsburgh
fan catches three foul balls in 15 minutes, will start at shortstop for Pirates tonight

AFP
thinks that the Governator is considering a run at the White House in
2008
. In related news, no one at the AFP has ever read the US
Constitution. Also, Schwarzenegger urges global warming action, as well as the killing of Sarah Connor.

Justin
Timberlake
pukes on the floor of his own restaurant after he ‘ate too
much’. Restaurant staff discusses selling vomitus on eBay. Speaking of puke, I too puked this morning– but it had to do with Timberlake  being considered for the role of Two-Face in the next Batman film.

Members of deviant sect arrested in Malaysia. You don’t understand Islam, I do, said Tom Cruise.

Editorial suggests that "War of the Worlds" serves as preparation for
an inevitable disaster.
No word yet on whether "Herbie: Fully Loaded"
will prepare us to be ridden by Lindsay Lohan.

Live 8 Quick recap:

1) "Africans puzzled by Live 8 but hope for change."
Sometimes, the headlines just write themselves.

2) Coldplay’s Chris Martin (who must have been intoxicated on mKabbalah
water) called the Live 8 concert "the greatest thing that’s ever been
organized in the history of the world."

3) The performers enjoyed lobster and took home £7,000 goodie bags. Wow
how the hell could they even carry 7,000 pounds!?!?!? I mean sure, this
article is more about how the celebrity ‘guests’ acted like spoiled
rotten brats but I think the real story here lies behind their
super-human strength.