The Top 10 Best Things About Britney & Kevin Having a Baby

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  1. Frito-Lay stock is going to shoot up. Britney is eating Cheetos for 2!
  2. Now all Kevin needs is an Asian kid, a Hispanic kid, and a Middle Eastern kid to complete the cycle! Keep up the good work dude!
  3. Being pregnant will finally motivate Britney to stop smoking… in public.
  4. Now Kevin can start saying "We’re pregnant," to make it sound like he’s actually doing something for once.
  5. At last, Britney won’t be the only one at her five-year high school reunion in Louisiana without a kid.
  6. Kevin can finally rub Britney’s stomach and use his "Girl, You got Served" joke that used to crack Shar Jackson up all the time.
  7. Being a mother, Britney will have a whole new subject to lip-sync about.
  8. Kevin will finally have someone to hang out with while laying around and doing nothing.
  9. At least the Spears/Federline kid will know one thing– how to dance. And… that’s probably it.
  10. Britney and Kevin will get to name the baby all by themselves. And we’re talking about a girl who named her dogs Bit Bit and Lacy Loo, so the possibilities are endless!

The Feder-Seed Strikes Again!

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From: www.britneyspears.com

Dear Fans,

The time has finally come to share our wonderful news that we are expecting our first child together.  There are reports that I was in the hospital this weekend, Kevin and I just want everyone to know that all is well.  Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

Love,

Britney & Kevin

Congratulations you two. We here at BWE wish you the best… and that you name him or her something absolutely ridiculous. Make us proud. We love you.

come as you are

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Kurt Cobain’s home town of Aberdeen, Washington has added the words "Come As You Are" to its welcome sign as a tribute to Kurt. I think they decided to use that song title because the town technically does not "Smell Like Teen Spirit."

ZING!

Thank you. You know, that’s not all. They also put up a new sign for when you leave Aberdeen. It says "All Apologies."

ZING!

But seriously folks. I’ll stop now. I wouldn’t want this to get… "Dumb."

ZIN. … okay, I’ll stop.

The First iPod

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Bush For some reason, President Bush’s iPod has been all over the news today. People are talking about some of the songs and artists our president is currently listening to while he runs our country… and mountain bikes.

The New York Times reported that his $300 iPod contains songs like "Centerfield" by John Fogerty, "Brown Eyed Girl" by Van Morrison, and "My Sharona" by The Knack. What the New York Times DOESN’T report is that Bush is BIG into rap music. It’s true. Would I lie?

Luckily, BWE was able to get their hands on the First iPod to show the world that our president truly is an O.G. (that’s ‘original gangsta’ obviously) Check it out:

  • "Rump Shaker" – Wreckx-N-Effect
  • "Shake That Rump, Make You Jump" – Thee Suspect
  • "Bump That Rump" – Freak Nasty
  • "Shake Da’ Rump" – Diamonique
  • "Move Your Rump" – DJ Taz
  • "Hump Ya Rump" – Bass From Da Bottom
  • "Booty Juice " – NWH

I think there’s some sort of trend here but I just can’t seem to put my finger on it. One thing is for sure, though. We have one Bad Azz Prez. Yo.

who’s desperate?

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Strangest thing. We found this in Teri Hatcher’s dressing room.

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I wonder what it means.

Well, I guess you’ll have to tune into BWE tonight @ 11 to find out.

the good, the bad, and the dirrrty

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Christina Aguilera’s Sketchers ads were voted the Worst advertisements of the year by The Advertising Women of New York at their "The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly" awards.  Let’s take a quick look at these "bad"" ads, shall we?

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Here’s my question: If these are the worst, then what are the best? I can’t imagine a better possible advertisement for… hmm… what exactly is she advertising in these? Let me see. Hmm. Fishnet stockings? No. Um, handcuffs? I don’t think so. Maybe the first one is a pharmaceutical ad? Well, probably not. Ah, who cares what they’re for, these are great!*

*We apologize. The author of this post is a 20 something year old guy, please don’t hold that against him.Thank you.

the battle of who could care less

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There’s one thing you learn when you live in New York: When hipsters fight, nobody wins.

When the lead singer of The Killers decided to start trashing The Bravery a couple of weeks back, I immediately thought, "Oh no, this is going to get ugly." Now, I didn’t mean ugly in a Biggie-Tupac way, or in a Jon Stewart-Tucker Carlson way. No. I meant the other kind of ugly. The kind of ugly that leaves you utterly embarrassed for everyone involved.

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See, it all started when Brandon Flowers (of The Killers) said, "Look at a band like the Bravery. They’re signed because we’re a band." He then revealed that some members of the Bravery were once in a band called Skabba The Hut. Okay, say it with me:

WORST BAND NAME EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you’re trying to appeal to the "too cool for school" hipster crowd, the only thing worse than being connected to a ska band is probably being connected to a ska band named after a Star Wars character! Ouch.

Now, if the guys in the Bravery knew what was best for them, they should have probably left it at that. But did they? Of course not.  Sam Endicott, the lead singer, had this to say about his new enemy Brandon Flowers: "The poor little guy, he’s very scared. I mean I feel bad talking bad about him because it’s like hitting a girl. It’s like picking on a kid in a wheelchair because he has no sense of humor at all."

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Alright, not bad. That was a pretty good diss there. But unfortunately he didn’t stop talking. "There’s the one guy [in The Killers] whose like nine feet tall. He looks like a little Dutch girl with a beard… but like a nine foot tall Dutch girl like a mutant radioactive."

What??????

Nice save there, buddy. Is the lead singer of the Bravery Chris Farley? Was his next line, "Shut up Richard." It’s like his mind stopped working but his mouth just kept on moving. "He’s a little dutch girl but he’s a nine foot tall Dutch girl with a beard but he’s a little girl and…. mutant radioactive… um… gah, I have no idea what’s going on right now."

Now I understand why most people prefer rap music. It’s much, much less embarrassing.

Nobody’s going to come out of this looking cool. The Killers and The Bravery are both in trouble. We need a new hipster band to emerge with no ska-history that can keep their damn mouths shut. Yes, I’m looking at you, Kaiser Chiefs. Please don’t let us down.

timberrrrrrrrr-lake

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How tough was Bruce Willis in Die Hard? The answer: Very tough. John McClaine was like Jack Bauer on 24 before Jack Bauer even went through his training at C.T.U.

When you think John McClaine you think pure, manly, macho toughness. Right? Right.  So answer me this:

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Who decided that Justin Timberlake should be his son in the next Die Hard movie???? Seriously. Who? Was there a meeting?

Movie Producer: You know, we need an actor who’s as tough as nails. An actor who will be believable as the son of this takes-no-prisoners-bad-to-the-bone cop. Hmmm. Do you think any of the members of N*Sync are available?

Well, I guess it could be worse. They could have gone with Nick Lachey. *sigh*  Oh well, you can always look at the bright side– at least they’re making another Die Hard. Because as we’ve learned from Lethal Weapon 4, Friday The 13th 8, and Police Academy 6, there’s no such thing as "too much of a good thing." Right?… I mean, right?

hello dolly!

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Good news for people that want more Dolly Parton (as if there could possibly be more Dolly Parton).  At the 20th anniversary celebration of her Dollywood theme park she vowed to open even more Dollywood resorts around the world.

Okay, so you’re probably thinking, "What’s the big deal?" right? Well, in case you didn’t know, Dollywood features more than 30 breast-themed rides and attractions. I’m not sure exactly what they are, but I can certainly make some up. Like:

  • The Haunted Blouse
  • It’s Not A Small World After All
  • The D-Cups

Dolly said, "I wanted to create a place where families can have fun." You know, if your idea of family fun is yelling at your dad for awkwardly hitting on a 19-year-old Southern girl wearing a low cut T-shirt and collecting tickets at the "The Ferris Nipple."

Thanks for spreading Dollywood, Dolly. You’re a real handful.

hot in herrrrre

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Check out this exclusive clip from the upcoming Matthew McConaghay / Steve Zahn / Penelope Cruz movie Sahara. A movie which, in my opinion, looks like it will be the BEST movie about a desert, EVER!

Click here and enjoy the goodness.

And be sure to catch McConagahay and Zahn on BWE, tonight at 11 and all weekend long. They’re dreamy.