something to watch, something to (not) laugh at

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something to check out

Bright_eyes

Did anybody catch Leno last night?* Well, everybody’s favorite emo-wonderkid Coner Oberst (a.k.a. Bright Eyes) performed a song called "When The President Talks To God" which was probably the most offensive thing to happen on The Tonight Show since Johnny named Jay as his successor. The only difference being, this was great. Check out the performance here.

something to (not) laugh at

Rosie_odonnell

Okay, you probably already started laughing, didn’t you?

So did anybody see the CBS movie "Riding The Bus With My Sister" on Sunday night? In case you couldn’t tell by the picture, Rosie O’Donnell plays a "developmentally disabled" woman (as indicated by her mismatched shoes & socks) who spends her days riding a bus. Luckily, the fine folks at TVGasm liveblogged the whole thing just in case you forgot to Tivo it.  And if that’s not enough for you, you can watch clips here at the CBS site. Not surprisingly, it’s listed in the "specials" section.

Right now I’m trying to figure out what’s worse: Rosie’s performance, or this poll on the site. It’s your call:

Poll_2

*Editor’s Note: I promise I’ll never write that sentence ever again.

eva long-oria

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We get it Eva, you like to get it on.

Eva

First you tell the press that the best sex you ever had was with your vibrator…

Then you walk around wearing a T-shirt that says "I’ll have your baby, Brad"…

Then you describe a girl-on-girl kiss to Esquire magazine…

Now, you reveal in an interview that you didn’t have your first orgasm until you were 26.

Note to Eva: You don’t have to tell us everything about your sex life. Some stuff is better left to the imagination. And believe me, when it comes to thinking about you, guys LOVE imagining things. Trust me.

But who am I to complain? I’m just grateful that Felicity Huffman isn’t the one talking about her sex life. I know all I need to know about her husband William H. Macy thanks to his full frontal scene in "The Cooler."  Definitely not hot. Get it?

what the internet is for…

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Click on this and keep hitting "refresh."

Vin_diesel

My favorite one so far: Vin Diesel is so tough that he only eats the finest European coins and wipes his a** with pinecones…the wrong way.

I had no idea Vin Diesel was so amazing, did you???

O-Ryan’s Star

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Ryan_seacrest_star

Ryan Seacrest was awarded a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame yesterday. And judging by the picture, immediately after he received it Simon Cowell strangled him to death. (but honestly, can you blame him?)

Well, it’s nice to see that Hollywood doesn’t let just anybody get a star. I thought they had lowered the bar when they awarded stars to Godzilla and Chewbacca, so it’s nice to see that it’s been raised to that esteemed "Seacrest-Level" of celebrity. Who’s next, Brian Dunkleman?

I just hope this doesn’t become a trend awarding stars to reality TV show hosts. I’d hate to walk through Hollywood and see a star for Seacrest followed by one for Roger Lodge and then one for "The Guy Who Hosts ‘Cheaters.’" Let’s stop before it’s too late. I’m proposing Seacrest, Out.

Pie in the Face

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American_pie

In 1999 American Pie hit the screen and everybody immediately went crazy over the young, hot cast of Hollywood newcomers. The movie launched a dozen careers (if you include the guy from Harold & Kumar and the girl that went on to star in a soap opera), but it also seems like it has taken a toll on several of the actors. Just check out this list. I’m calling it "The Curse of Pie" (because I’m not good at coming up with names for lists. But here it goes anyway.)

Chris Klein - Was engaged to Katie Holmes, but that fell apart. Currently facing charges for drunk driving. But honestly, wouldn’t you be drinking too once you came to the realization that you’ll never get to sleep with Katie Holmes ever again?

Shannon Elizabeth - Recently got divorced from husband Jason Reitman. And, more importantly, has NOT removed a single article of clothing on film in 6 years. What’s that all about???

Natasha Lyonne - First of all, I don’t think anybody ever really considered her a real cast member because she was barely in the first movie, right? Well, that must’ve eaten her up inside– the girl has SNAPPED. Right now there’s a warrant out for her arrest for skipping out on a court date. Oh, and why was she supposed to be in court? Because she threatened to molest her neighbor’s dog. I’m not even going ask… I’m not even going to ask…

Sean William Scott & Alyson Hannigan- They both stuck around for American Wedding. If they’re not careful they’re going to end up like Mr. Belding and Screech in "Saved by the Bell: The New Class." I’m just saying it’s time to move on, that’s all.

The Guy who played Finch & The Kid from Rookie of the Year - I heard they dropped out of acting and now they’re running a 7-11 together in Columbus, Ohio. Okay, I didn’t actually hear that, I’m just assuming. But you have to admit, it doesn’t sound that far fetched.

Mena Suvari - She’s gone from the Academy Award winning American Beauty to Beauty Shop. Somebody should tell her that just because a movie has the word "beauty" in it, that doesn’t mean it’s definitely going to be good.

Jason BiggsSaving Silverman. Boys and Girls. Loser. Prozac Nation. Anything Else. Jersey Girl. Just tell me when to stop…

Tara Reid - If you actually need me to list the reasons, clearly you have stumbled upon this site by accident. But just for fun, I’ll leave you with this:

Tara_reid_slip

I think that sort of sums everything up in a nipple. I mean a nutshell. Okay, I’m just going to stop writing now– you get the idea.

noooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

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Why? Why?? Why???

Fred_durst_2

Limp Bizkit lead singer Fred Durst is developing a television program that will mix reality TV with a talk show, according to Variety. Durst and a team of producers are working on the program, which is tentatively titled My Life With Fred Durst. The weekly, one-hour show will combine celebrity interviews with reality-style glimpses into Durst’s career and personal life.

Horrible. This show directly conflicts with My Life WIthout Fred Durst, which is something I’ve been trying so hard to accomplish.

Well, maybe it will feature old video footage of a young Fred freestlyin’. I hope so, because that would be another reason for me NOT to tune in. 

I guess it could be worse. They could… actually, wait. An hour of Fred Durst a week? No, nevermind, it couldn’t be worse. I may never watch TV again. Thanks Fred, for ruining yet another source of entertainment. Please, please, please stay away from making movies. They’re all I have left.

The Spawn of Spears

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Federlines

(courtesy of Stereogum)

What a week. Britney’s pregnant, Mariah got "Emancipated," Cookie Monster cut down on carbs, and STACKED premiered! I don’t want to sound cliche’d here, but this may have been the Best Week…

I’m not going to say it. But you have to watch tonight @ 11. Seriously. You may just regret it for the rest of your life if you don’t. Trust me.