who’s desperate?

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Strangest thing. We found this in Teri Hatcher’s dressing room.

Desperate_housewives

I wonder what it means.

Well, I guess you’ll have to tune into BWE tonight @ 11 to find out.

the good, the bad, and the dirrrty

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Christina Aguilera’s Sketchers ads were voted the Worst advertisements of the year by The Advertising Women of New York at their "The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly" awards.  Let’s take a quick look at these "bad"" ads, shall we?

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Christina_sketchers_2

Here’s my question: If these are the worst, then what are the best? I can’t imagine a better possible advertisement for… hmm… what exactly is she advertising in these? Let me see. Hmm. Fishnet stockings? No. Um, handcuffs? I don’t think so. Maybe the first one is a pharmaceutical ad? Well, probably not. Ah, who cares what they’re for, these are great!*

*We apologize. The author of this post is a 20 something year old guy, please don’t hold that against him.Thank you.

the battle of who could care less

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There’s one thing you learn when you live in New York: When hipsters fight, nobody wins.

When the lead singer of The Killers decided to start trashing The Bravery a couple of weeks back, I immediately thought, "Oh no, this is going to get ugly." Now, I didn’t mean ugly in a Biggie-Tupac way, or in a Jon Stewart-Tucker Carlson way. No. I meant the other kind of ugly. The kind of ugly that leaves you utterly embarrassed for everyone involved.

The_killers

See, it all started when Brandon Flowers (of The Killers) said, "Look at a band like the Bravery. They’re signed because we’re a band." He then revealed that some members of the Bravery were once in a band called Skabba The Hut. Okay, say it with me:

WORST BAND NAME EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you’re trying to appeal to the "too cool for school" hipster crowd, the only thing worse than being connected to a ska band is probably being connected to a ska band named after a Star Wars character! Ouch.

Now, if the guys in the Bravery knew what was best for them, they should have probably left it at that. But did they? Of course not.  Sam Endicott, the lead singer, had this to say about his new enemy Brandon Flowers: "The poor little guy, he’s very scared. I mean I feel bad talking bad about him because it’s like hitting a girl. It’s like picking on a kid in a wheelchair because he has no sense of humor at all."

The_bravery

Alright, not bad. That was a pretty good diss there. But unfortunately he didn’t stop talking. "There’s the one guy [in The Killers] whose like nine feet tall. He looks like a little Dutch girl with a beard… but like a nine foot tall Dutch girl like a mutant radioactive."

What??????

Nice save there, buddy. Is the lead singer of the Bravery Chris Farley? Was his next line, "Shut up Richard." It’s like his mind stopped working but his mouth just kept on moving. "He’s a little dutch girl but he’s a nine foot tall Dutch girl with a beard but he’s a little girl and…. mutant radioactive… um… gah, I have no idea what’s going on right now."

Now I understand why most people prefer rap music. It’s much, much less embarrassing.

Nobody’s going to come out of this looking cool. The Killers and The Bravery are both in trouble. We need a new hipster band to emerge with no ska-history that can keep their damn mouths shut. Yes, I’m looking at you, Kaiser Chiefs. Please don’t let us down.

timberrrrrrrrr-lake

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How tough was Bruce Willis in Die Hard? The answer: Very tough. John McClaine was like Jack Bauer on 24 before Jack Bauer even went through his training at C.T.U.

When you think John McClaine you think pure, manly, macho toughness. Right? Right.  So answer me this:

Justin_timberlake

Who decided that Justin Timberlake should be his son in the next Die Hard movie???? Seriously. Who? Was there a meeting?

Movie Producer: You know, we need an actor who’s as tough as nails. An actor who will be believable as the son of this takes-no-prisoners-bad-to-the-bone cop. Hmmm. Do you think any of the members of N*Sync are available?

Well, I guess it could be worse. They could have gone with Nick Lachey. *sigh*  Oh well, you can always look at the bright side– at least they’re making another Die Hard. Because as we’ve learned from Lethal Weapon 4, Friday The 13th 8, and Police Academy 6, there’s no such thing as "too much of a good thing." Right?… I mean, right?

hello dolly!

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Dolly_parton

Good news for people that want more Dolly Parton (as if there could possibly be more Dolly Parton).  At the 20th anniversary celebration of her Dollywood theme park she vowed to open even more Dollywood resorts around the world.

Okay, so you’re probably thinking, "What’s the big deal?" right? Well, in case you didn’t know, Dollywood features more than 30 breast-themed rides and attractions. I’m not sure exactly what they are, but I can certainly make some up. Like:

  • The Haunted Blouse
  • It’s Not A Small World After All
  • The D-Cups

Dolly said, "I wanted to create a place where families can have fun." You know, if your idea of family fun is yelling at your dad for awkwardly hitting on a 19-year-old Southern girl wearing a low cut T-shirt and collecting tickets at the "The Ferris Nipple."

Thanks for spreading Dollywood, Dolly. You’re a real handful.

hot in herrrrre

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Sahara_poster

Check out this exclusive clip from the upcoming Matthew McConaghay / Steve Zahn / Penelope Cruz movie Sahara. A movie which, in my opinion, looks like it will be the BEST movie about a desert, EVER!

Click here and enjoy the goodness.

And be sure to catch McConagahay and Zahn on BWE, tonight at 11 and all weekend long. They’re dreamy.

Who’s having the best week ever?

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Hmm, that’s a tough one this week…

  • Is it the South Park Guys for making one of their funniest episodes EVER?
  • Could it be Jessica Alba fans, thanks to Sin City?
  • Maybe it’s Michael Jackson? Actually, it’s probably not Michael Jackson.

If I had to put my money on it, I’d guess that Frantina Dulee is having the Best Week Ever. Wouldn’t you? I’ve seen her EVERYWHERE this week! She makes Paris Hilton look like a hermit. So that’s what I’m putting my money on, but honestly, what do I know? I’m just the blog guy.

    Frantina2012

Paris, meet Pimp Juice

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So there’s some crazy guy nicknamed "Pimp Juice" currently serving time on Rikers Island because he was running a Manhattan call-girl ring. This 37-year-old porn king was raking in $3.6 million a year when he was busted for promoting prostitution, money laundering, and falsifying business records.

Paris250_250 Anyway, since he’s been locked up he hasn’t stopped talking. In fact, just the other day he called Page 6 from the psychiatric ward and this is what he had to say:

"I could get $250,000 an hour for Paris Hilton with a four-hour minimum. I’m that good at what I do, and I have a feeling so is she. Do I think she’ll take my offer seriously? Absolutely… Four hours a week of her time would gross $52 million this year and immediately spread her legend beyond Marilyn Monroe’s proportions. So Paris, how about it? I dare you to contact my lawyer Mel Sachs to get the ball rolling."

So a million bucks for 4 Hours in Paris? For those of us who have seen her video with Rick Solomon, I’m not sure that that’s exactly money well spent. I wonder what you get for $1 million. If I was going to part with that kind of money I’d work Paris hard– make her paint my house, bake me cookies, detail my car… the list goes on and on.

I wonder what "Pimp Juice" would ask for other celebrities. I’m sure he could probably get $1 million for 4-hours with Lindsay Lohan too, and maybe Pamela Anderson. But what’s the going rate for celebrities that could actually use the money? Like Anna Nicole Smith? Or any of the girls from Just the 10 of Us? Or Rosie O’Donnell?

I mean, I just want to know because I’m… curious… Yeah, that’s it. I’m curious. Yep. Mmm hmmm. (i hope they believe me…)

Girls Gone Wild?

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First, Mischa Barton starts making out with some chick on The O.C. and now EVERYBODY wants to get in on the action.  Check it out:

Eva_longoria

Eva Longoria: "I wish I had that gay experience. Women are beautiful creatures. Maybe I’m just holding out for the future."

Alicia_silverstone

Alicia Silverstone: "We got along really well, really quickly. She has this really big presence. She sets the tone for everything. I love the fact she’s completely laid back. It makes for this force to be reckoned with. She’s such an interesting person and she’s so pretty. I can daydream looking at her I think she’s so beautiful. I want to cuddle her."

Okay, now the Alicia quote is really hot… until you find out that she’s talking about Queen Latifah!!! That is one sex tape that I would not want to see.

But it’s still nice to see that these hot chicks are acting like they’re on spring break. I just hope we have enough beads and tequila shots to make them happy.

Real Celeb Reality

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Flavor_flav

Everybody knows (and loves) VH1′s CelebReality, right? The Surreal Life, Strange Love, Celebrity Fit Club, et. al. Well, since VH1 has announced that they have a few new shows lined up for the summer, I thought I’d test you out to see how well you know the VH1 programming department.

3 of these shows are real, honest to God, CelebReality shows that are coming out soon. One of them is made up. See if you can spot the fake CelebReality show.

1.  Hogan Knows Best. The show casts retired wrestler Hulk Hogan as a traditional suburban dad to two teenagers on a 20,000-square-foot estate in Clearwater, Fla. The Hulkster goes to elaborate lengths to protect his daughter on her first date, even going as far as to plant a GPS tracking device in her car.

2. It’s Screech! This fresh reality series follows Saved By The Bell‘s Dustin Diamond (Screech) as he tries his best to shake his geeky image and find success as a stand-up comedian. Each episode focuses on Dustin’s adventures with friends and fans in clubs and colleges throughout the country.

3. Being Bonaduce. The series is a look at ex-Partridge Family child star Danny Bonaduce, keyed to his troubled 15-year marriage to a woman he had known just seven hours. Couples therapy sessions provide the loose framework for each episode, which then goes into the family’s home.

4. The Surreal Life 5. Production has started on the fifth season. Newest housemates: ex-baseball player (and ex-steroid user) Jose Canseco, combative Apprentice Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth, America’s Next Top Model judge Janice Dickinson, actor Bronson Pinchot (Perfect Strangers), hip-hop singer Sandi Denton (Salt ‘n Pepa), British model Caprice and "motocross madman" Carey Hart.

Well, which one is fake? The answer is in the Comments section.