hello dolly!

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Good news for people that want more Dolly Parton (as if there could possibly be more Dolly Parton).  At the 20th anniversary celebration of her Dollywood theme park she vowed to open even more Dollywood resorts around the world.

Okay, so you’re probably thinking, "What’s the big deal?" right? Well, in case you didn’t know, Dollywood features more than 30 breast-themed rides and attractions. I’m not sure exactly what they are, but I can certainly make some up. Like:

  • The Haunted Blouse
  • It’s Not A Small World After All
  • The D-Cups

Dolly said, "I wanted to create a place where families can have fun." You know, if your idea of family fun is yelling at your dad for awkwardly hitting on a 19-year-old Southern girl wearing a low cut T-shirt and collecting tickets at the "The Ferris Nipple."

Thanks for spreading Dollywood, Dolly. You’re a real handful.

hot in herrrrre

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Sahara_poster

Check out this exclusive clip from the upcoming Matthew McConaghay / Steve Zahn / Penelope Cruz movie Sahara. A movie which, in my opinion, looks like it will be the BEST movie about a desert, EVER!

Click here and enjoy the goodness.

And be sure to catch McConagahay and Zahn on BWE, tonight at 11 and all weekend long. They’re dreamy.

Who’s having the best week ever?

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Hmm, that’s a tough one this week…

  • Is it the South Park Guys for making one of their funniest episodes EVER?
  • Could it be Jessica Alba fans, thanks to Sin City?
  • Maybe it’s Michael Jackson? Actually, it’s probably not Michael Jackson.

If I had to put my money on it, I’d guess that Frantina Dulee is having the Best Week Ever. Wouldn’t you? I’ve seen her EVERYWHERE this week! She makes Paris Hilton look like a hermit. So that’s what I’m putting my money on, but honestly, what do I know? I’m just the blog guy.

    Frantina2012

Paris, meet Pimp Juice

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So there’s some crazy guy nicknamed "Pimp Juice" currently serving time on Rikers Island because he was running a Manhattan call-girl ring. This 37-year-old porn king was raking in $3.6 million a year when he was busted for promoting prostitution, money laundering, and falsifying business records.

Paris250_250 Anyway, since he’s been locked up he hasn’t stopped talking. In fact, just the other day he called Page 6 from the psychiatric ward and this is what he had to say:

"I could get $250,000 an hour for Paris Hilton with a four-hour minimum. I’m that good at what I do, and I have a feeling so is she. Do I think she’ll take my offer seriously? Absolutely… Four hours a week of her time would gross $52 million this year and immediately spread her legend beyond Marilyn Monroe’s proportions. So Paris, how about it? I dare you to contact my lawyer Mel Sachs to get the ball rolling."

So a million bucks for 4 Hours in Paris? For those of us who have seen her video with Rick Solomon, I’m not sure that that’s exactly money well spent. I wonder what you get for $1 million. If I was going to part with that kind of money I’d work Paris hard– make her paint my house, bake me cookies, detail my car… the list goes on and on.

I wonder what "Pimp Juice" would ask for other celebrities. I’m sure he could probably get $1 million for 4-hours with Lindsay Lohan too, and maybe Pamela Anderson. But what’s the going rate for celebrities that could actually use the money? Like Anna Nicole Smith? Or any of the girls from Just the 10 of Us? Or Rosie O’Donnell?

I mean, I just want to know because I’m… curious… Yeah, that’s it. I’m curious. Yep. Mmm hmmm. (i hope they believe me…)

Girls Gone Wild?

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First, Mischa Barton starts making out with some chick on The O.C. and now EVERYBODY wants to get in on the action.  Check it out:

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Eva Longoria: "I wish I had that gay experience. Women are beautiful creatures. Maybe I’m just holding out for the future."

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Alicia Silverstone: "We got along really well, really quickly. She has this really big presence. She sets the tone for everything. I love the fact she’s completely laid back. It makes for this force to be reckoned with. She’s such an interesting person and she’s so pretty. I can daydream looking at her I think she’s so beautiful. I want to cuddle her."

Okay, now the Alicia quote is really hot… until you find out that she’s talking about Queen Latifah!!! That is one sex tape that I would not want to see.

But it’s still nice to see that these hot chicks are acting like they’re on spring break. I just hope we have enough beads and tequila shots to make them happy.

Real Celeb Reality

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Flavor_flav

Everybody knows (and loves) VH1′s CelebReality, right? The Surreal Life, Strange Love, Celebrity Fit Club, et. al. Well, since VH1 has announced that they have a few new shows lined up for the summer, I thought I’d test you out to see how well you know the VH1 programming department.

3 of these shows are real, honest to God, CelebReality shows that are coming out soon. One of them is made up. See if you can spot the fake CelebReality show.

1.  Hogan Knows Best. The show casts retired wrestler Hulk Hogan as a traditional suburban dad to two teenagers on a 20,000-square-foot estate in Clearwater, Fla. The Hulkster goes to elaborate lengths to protect his daughter on her first date, even going as far as to plant a GPS tracking device in her car.

2. It’s Screech! This fresh reality series follows Saved By The Bell‘s Dustin Diamond (Screech) as he tries his best to shake his geeky image and find success as a stand-up comedian. Each episode focuses on Dustin’s adventures with friends and fans in clubs and colleges throughout the country.

3. Being Bonaduce. The series is a look at ex-Partridge Family child star Danny Bonaduce, keyed to his troubled 15-year marriage to a woman he had known just seven hours. Couples therapy sessions provide the loose framework for each episode, which then goes into the family’s home.

4. The Surreal Life 5. Production has started on the fifth season. Newest housemates: ex-baseball player (and ex-steroid user) Jose Canseco, combative Apprentice Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth, America’s Next Top Model judge Janice Dickinson, actor Bronson Pinchot (Perfect Strangers), hip-hop singer Sandi Denton (Salt ‘n Pepa), British model Caprice and "motocross madman" Carey Hart.

Well, which one is fake? The answer is in the Comments section.

what’s for breakfast?

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Burger_king

Burger King has unveiled a new sandwich with more calories and fat than the Whopper. It’s called The Enormous Omelet Sandwich, but if you walk up to the counter and ask for The Angioplasty Special they’ll probably know what you’re talking about.

If you order the TEOS (as I’ve recently chosen to nickname it) you’re getting one sausage patty, two eggs, two American cheese slices, three strips of bacon, and a chance to die before the age of 30.

Burger King hasn’t announced a celebrity spokesperson for TEOS yet, but rumor has it that that’s the real reason Kirstie Alley and Rosie O’Donnell have been bickering.

Kirstie_alley

With Kirstie expressing a desire to lose weight, this sandwich may have come out just in time to ensure a second season of Fat Actress. Thank you Burger King, thank you.

Pat Ooooooo Brien!

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What did this guy do this week?  What DIDN’T this guy do this week???

Tune into Best Week Ever tonight at 11pm for a special Sizzler: The Pat O’Brien Edition to find out.

We want you to… so f’ing much. (if you don’t get that, then you MUST watch)

we have a winner

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Jonathan_davis Korn’s Jonathan Davis and his pornstar wife have named their newborn son… wait for it… Pirate. Yep. Pirate. Of course, it makes perfect sense considering the kid was born with one eye and a wooden leg, but still. I guess we finally have an answer to what happens when you mix Sex, Drugs, and Rock N Roll. You come up with Pirate.

Are celebrities even trying anymore? Or are they just naming their kids the first word that pops into their heads? Let’s look at the recent crop of celebrity kids:

  • Pirate — Jonathan Davis & Deven
  • Apple — Gwyneth Paltrow & Chris Martin
  • Coco – Courtney Cox & David Arquette
  • Phinnaeus — Julia Roberts & Some Dude
  • Hazel – Julia Roberts & Some Dude again
  • Audio Science — Shannyn Sossamon & Some other Dude
  • Pilot Inspektor — Jason Lee & his fiance
  • Seven Sirius — Andre 3000 & Erykah Badu
  • Prince Michael I & Prince Michael II — Michael Jackson… sorta

It’s official, I’m naming my kid Blog. As long as he hangs out with Pirate and Coco he shouldn’t get teased too much.

I kind of hope that 20 years from now Gwyneth and Chris’ kid marries Jason Lee’s kid so she can become Mrs. Apple Inspektor. One can only dream.

best show ever?

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"Beverly Hills, 90210" alum Brian Austin Green has been tapped to co-star opposite Freddie Prinze Jr. in Prinze’s untitled comedy pilot for ABC.

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Plus +

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Equals = The potential best show to hit the air since NBC’s "Inside Schwartz."  The only thing it’s missing is Ian Ziering. Who wouldn’t watch that??