Pat Ooooooo Brien!

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Pat_obrien

What did this guy do this week?  What DIDN’T this guy do this week???

Tune into Best Week Ever tonight at 11pm for a special Sizzler: The Pat O’Brien Edition to find out.

We want you to… so f’ing much. (if you don’t get that, then you MUST watch)

we have a winner

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Jonathan_davis Korn’s Jonathan Davis and his pornstar wife have named their newborn son… wait for it… Pirate. Yep. Pirate. Of course, it makes perfect sense considering the kid was born with one eye and a wooden leg, but still. I guess we finally have an answer to what happens when you mix Sex, Drugs, and Rock N Roll. You come up with Pirate.

Are celebrities even trying anymore? Or are they just naming their kids the first word that pops into their heads? Let’s look at the recent crop of celebrity kids:

  • Pirate — Jonathan Davis & Deven
  • Apple — Gwyneth Paltrow & Chris Martin
  • Coco – Courtney Cox & David Arquette
  • Phinnaeus — Julia Roberts & Some Dude
  • Hazel – Julia Roberts & Some Dude again
  • Audio Science — Shannyn Sossamon & Some other Dude
  • Pilot Inspektor — Jason Lee & his fiance
  • Seven Sirius — Andre 3000 & Erykah Badu
  • Prince Michael I & Prince Michael II — Michael Jackson… sorta

It’s official, I’m naming my kid Blog. As long as he hangs out with Pirate and Coco he shouldn’t get teased too much.

I kind of hope that 20 years from now Gwyneth and Chris’ kid marries Jason Lee’s kid so she can become Mrs. Apple Inspektor. One can only dream.

best show ever?

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"Beverly Hills, 90210" alum Brian Austin Green has been tapped to co-star opposite Freddie Prinze Jr. in Prinze’s untitled comedy pilot for ABC.

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Plus +

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Equals = The potential best show to hit the air since NBC’s "Inside Schwartz."  The only thing it’s missing is Ian Ziering. Who wouldn’t watch that??

Catfight!!!!!!!!

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Sarah_jessica_parker Ladies and gentlemen, buckle your seatbelts. We’re poised for the greatest girl-on-girl fight since Lohan and Duff battled it out for Nick Carter’s little brother.  An old (and I mean old) pro, Sarah Jessica Parker, is ready to throw down with a hot up and comer– Joss Stone. Is it over a boy? Nope. Better. It’s over The Gap.

See, Sarah Jessica is a little upset that the young British singer is replacing her as the spokesperson for The Gap. In fact, one of Sarah Jessica’s "people" had this to say: "Joss is not only a teenager, she’s also a virtual unknown. Had her replacement been a big star, perhaps Sarah wouldn’t have minded so much."

Ouch. Now, Joss hasn’t responded yet, but here are a couple of comebacks she could use:

  • "I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you. I was too busy counting all of the money The Gap is paying me now instead of you."
  • "I guess The Gap finally noticed The Gap between your age and the age of their target demo, Sarah."
  • "Sorry, America. I guess Sarah’s going to have to go back to acting now. My bad."
  • "Don’t let it get you down, Sarah. Old Navy is always looking for fresh new faces."

C’mon Joss, the ball is in your court now. Make VH1 proud!

Geniuses!!!!????!!!!!

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According to some reports, Jake Gyllenhaal and Kirsten Dunst didn’t actually break up last year. They PRETENDED to break up to get the tabloids off their back.
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Of course, this was reported by "In Touch" magazine. So I guess the tabloids got the last laugh after all. 

Your Movie Weekend

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Happy Day After St. Patrick’s Day.  How’s your head feeling?

Yeah. Mine too.

Right now I’m sure many of you are probably thinking, "I’m never going to drink again." That, and "I wonder if another shower would make me feel any better," too (the answer is usually ‘yes,’ but only marginally). Well, since going out and drinking probably doesn’t sound too appealing right now, I thought I’d run through a couple of movies that are opening up this weekend and review them. Of course, I haven’t actually seen any of these movies, and I’m actually not too sure what most of them are about, but I still think I can figure it out based on the tag lines.

The_ring_two The Ring 2"Fear comes full circle." Get it? Because it’s a… ring… and rings are circles.  Brilliant. I think this is the studio’s way of saying, "Okay, I know you saw the first Ring and you were like ‘what the hell is going on here?’ Well, this time it actually makes sense. I promise. Well, I don’t promise promise. How about you just give me $10 and find out for yourself." Well, I’m not going to fall for it again, you Ring producers you. Forget it.

Ice_princess Ice Princess"Big things happen to those who dream big." That means that Michelle Trachtenberg wins in the end. Not just the big competition, and not just the heart of the boy she likes… but in life, too.  It’s a feel good story. So if you want to feel good, don’t go see this movie because it’ll probably make you puke.

Melinda_and_melinda Melinda & Melinda"Life can be a comedy or a tragedy, it all depends on how you look at it." It’s never a good sign when I can’t even get through the tag line without getting bored. Sorry Woody.

Well, it looks like I’ll be drinking after all. It’s your fault, Hollywood.

Brittany by a nose

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Hey, today we’re going to go with a Brittany story… not a Britney story, so you can stop holding your breath now.

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So by now everybody knows Brittany Murphy. She played a hot psycho chick in Don’t Say a Word, a hot newlywed chick in Just Married, and a hot skanky chick in 8 Mile. And according to her IMDB profile, she also starred in Little Black Book and Uptown Girls, which apparently are movies. Insane!

But long before Brittany was the "hot ______ chick," she was the "Ugly Girl in Clueless." Remember that? What a long way she’s come.

Anyway, B-Murph INSISTS that she has never gotten plastic surgery. She swears that a "series of accidents" have led to her appearance changing over the years. She allegedly broke her nose 3 times and never got it fixed, and that’s what led to the improvement. Ummm. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

I don’t know if I buy it. How can somebody break their nose 3 times and get hotter? Does that actually work? If so, I know a lot of girls that should take up boxing, and FAST.

If this becomes the new trend in Hollywood, there are a list of celebrities that I would love to see take one in the kisser.  Please, let me volunteer to help make them more beautiful. Please?

Ask Britney

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Britney_spears

Britney gets philosophical on Michael Jackson:

"If he did those things, I feel sorry for him. I feel like he probably feels alone, and he needs some help. He needs someone to be like, ‘OK, let’s buck you up, let’s give you a moustache, let’s rough you up, let’s go to a bar, let’s get drunk and be a man.’ And if he didn’t do those things, I feel sorry for him. Either way, he needs to get in a fight."

Wow! She is BRILLIANT! Here I thought MJ needed therapy, but apparently all he needed was a moustache! No wonder Burt Reynolds and Tom Selleck never molested kids in the 70′s! It was the moustache!

And don’t worry Brit, I’m sure Mike won’t have any trouble getting into a fight in prison. That should set him straight.

Gayest Idol Ever

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Seacrest_1Have you ever watched American Idol and thought, "Hmm, I really love this show. But the only thing it’s missing is some hardcore gay sex!" Well, apparently the makers of American Porn Star did.

Yes, now there’s an American Porn Star, a gay porn rip-off of the popular Fox show. American Porn Star is similar to Idol in several ways (and no, they both don’t feature Clay Aiken.) Porn Star is a "talent competition" however there isn’t any singing going on. Oh, the contestants are still using their mouths, but not to belt out songs.

American Porn Star is hosted by Jason Sechrest, who looks just like Ryan Seacrest. The biggest difference is one of them acts gay, while the other one is Ryan Seacrest.

The attorney who represents American Idol said, "The value of the American Idol look is something that we cannot allow to get tarnished." And then added, "That’s why we fired Brian Dunkleman."

Salma Wantsa Osca

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Salma Hayek is set to play a fat, sex-mad, psychopathic serial killer in a new movie, "Lonely Hearts."

Salma

Why don’t they just send Salma the Best Actress Oscar now? This has all the makings of a shoo-in.   

  • Overweight
  • Serial Killer
  • Based on a true story

The only way Salma could be a bigger lock was if she could somehow find a way to make her character mentally retarded as well. Do you think when Charlize Theron found out about this she just stood up and yelled, "Oh, that’s BS! That’s not even original! I hope she doesn’t look uglier than I did in my overweight serial killer role!"

I really don’t like this trend. Charlize Theron won for being scary looking. Hilary Swank won and she is scary looking… can’t we just start awarding actresses for looking hot? Why not? Academy Award Winner Elisha Cuthbert has a nice ring to it, no?