Friday Morning Quick Hits




winner Richard Hatch indicted on 10 counts of tax evasion and fraud.
The thought of pound-me-in-the-ass prison made him do it.

Tara Reid robbed of nearly $180,000 worth of jewelry while filming "Taradise" for the E! Network. Captain Morgan is being held up for questioning.

What’s up with Ms. Lopez these days? "Don’t be fooled by the fetus that I got, I’m still Jenny from the block."

Ozzy Osbourne says he’s lost count of the number of rehab clinics he has attended. So it must be more than three.

ABC to offer all its primetime shows in Spanish to prove that they suck in two languages.

Brits pissed off that an American has won the coveted Mercury Prize.
And not just any American, but a 6’4" transvestite from New York.

"South Park" gets 3 year extension with Comedy Central. Trey and Matt
expected to flip out and go chill out in Africa any day now.

Message found in a bottle floating down a New Orleans street,
…"Please send beer. I’m out at this time. … Some shrimp &
oysters would be appreciated".
I’ve always said it’s good to have priorities.

ice cream
a big hit in Japan – Thirsty Americans waiting to see if
Beyers picks up on the trend & starts to produce Tequila sherbet,
Vanilla Gin, or Vodka Neapolitan Vodka in the US.

Kanye West knocks Mariah Carey out of top Billboard spot. Obviously Kanye West doesn’t care about white people.

Michael Moore considering Hurricane Katrina documentary. Food shortages
expected to continue on the Gulf Coast for a very, very long time.

Thursday Afternoon Quick Hits



Famous photographer LaChappelle unloads on Jessica and Ashlee Simpson: "they’re
everything wrong with culture, and everything wrong with art
, and what
we think of as art and musical culture – in one family!"
Hey David, remember that time you did that Burger King commercial? That was super duper cultured of you. Or  that time you filmed the music video for Britney Spears or Avril Lavigne or Moby or insert lame pop star of the moment here.

Nick Cave walks off stage, refuses to play after being told he could not bring his beer and cigarettes up with him. Since when do rockstars ask permission?

hire expert to examine why their new single isn’t getting
airplay. Expert’s initial findings: You’re 60 years old and your song

Couple living under water so scientists can study the effects on the
When asked what they will miss most, the answer was ‘air’.

Britney Spears schedules Cesarean. Cletus wonders if he can get extra of them little hard bread things.

Thursday Morning Quick Hits



Part man. Part machine. All professor. Syracuse U. PhD candidate Peter
"Robocop" Weller
has role as expert commentator on History Channels’s
Rome: Engineering an Empire. In other news ED209 to host Jeopardy.

Katie Holmes
considers changing her name to "Kate Cruise", both
personally and professionally; reportedly okay with that whole
"sounding like a male prostitute" thing.

Murder Inc
thought to be behind 50 Cent, Jam Master Jay shootings; at least they won’t be sued for false advertising.


  Enough about the "S" being too small.  Movie-makers spend a month getting Superman’s package just right.

School district shocked to find kids are wagering lunch money on spider
. Don King reportedly trying to lure black widow spiders to sign
with him.

dancing champion

   goes on a drunken rampage, tries to kill partner with
the kind of smooth grace not seen since the allemande graced the dance
halls of Vienna.

Arnold Schwarzenegger rejects gay marriage legislation, claiming that
professional weight lifting offers enough homoeroticism on its own.

Bad: Chinese restaurant offers possibly illegal stir-fried tiger meat
. Worse: It’s actually donkey meat dressed with tiger urine.

Her Many Scarey Faces Miss Love



A collection of the many terrifying faces of Courtney Love. Some how the picture above didn’t make the cut. Probably because no one was brave enough to look at it long enough, save it on their desktop, upload it on to this site, only to stare at it for another 60 seconds. I would close my eyes but it wont help me. The image is burned into my brain now.[link]

link thanks to:

Can Eva revamp the art of cheating?



Eva Longoria told Britain’s Eve magazine: "I end up overlapping people
because I know I’m over the relationship, so I move on without telling
them. It’s not good. I’ve never broken up with someone successfully." .

Interesting way of looking at it, Eva. I mean, I’m pretty sure that logic works only in your head, as your ex-boyfriend(s) might see your overlapping and raise you one (possible several) count(s) of cheating. But I’m going to give Eva the benefit of the doubt today and examine the term ‘Overlapping‘ to see if it truly applies to her behavior:

     adj 1: related by having something in common with or coinciding
            with; "having overlapping duties"; "found unexpected
            overlapping areas of interest"
     2: laid overlapping (not flush) [syn: lap-jointed, lap-strake,
         lap-straked, lap-streak, lap-streaked]
     n : covering with a design in which one element covers a part of
         another (as with tiles or shingles) [syn: imbrication,

Okay while I’m sure it involved a lap or two, lets take a look at the term ‘cheating’:

     adj 1: not faithful to a spouse or lover; "adulterous husbands and
            wives"; "a two-timing boyfriend" [syn: adulterous, cheating,
     2: violating accepted standards or rules; "a dirty fighter";
        "used foul means to gain power"; "a nasty unsporting
        serve"; "fined for unsportsmanlike behavior" [syn: cheating,
         dirty, foul, unsporting, unsportsmanlike]
     n : a deception for profit to yourself [syn: cheat]

Hmm. Maybe two-timing was the word Eva was looking for. I’m sure that’s it. The press can make people nervous. I’m sure she just meant "I end up two-timing people
because I know I’m over the relationship, so I move on without telling
them. It’s not good. I’ve never broken up with someone successfully." .

There. That sounds just about right.

The Pussycat Dolls and their collective right to live



"I spent an unhealthy amount of time yesterday pondering the collective fates of the Pussycat Dolls.

constitutes an unhealthy amount of time is debatable, of course. I
probably spent about five minutes honestly thinking about it while on a
run last night, followed by another five minutes thinking if it would
be something worth writing about. All told, that’s 10 minutes of
thinking about the demise of a presumed one-hit wonder pop group with
no redeemable social values, which is probably about 11 minutes too
much."[ continue reading…]

Apple Pop Life reflects on the Pussycat Dolls and their ‘hit’ song "Don’t Cha".

The iPod nano



"Take everything you love about iPod and shrink it. Now shrink it again.
With 2GB (500 songs) and 4GB (1,000 songs) models starting at $199, the
pencil-thin iPod nano packs the entire iPod experience into an
impossibly small design. So small, it will take your music places you
never dreamed of."

Hmm it’s no wider than a pencil and here I thought bigger was better. Once again I have been proven wrong by Apple.[Engaget report]

Wednesday Afternoon Quick Hits



Star Jones to adopt baby because she is too old, husband too gay.

Gamers take a break from beating up prostitutes, shooting people, and otherwise being violent to organize Katrina aid.

Marvel Entertainment announces 10 characters it will develop in to full
blown features including such well known superhero greats as Black
Panther and Ant-Man, who can shrink to insect size and umm… communicate with

Fox news gives Kanye West’s new album poor review. Fox News doesn’t care about hip hop.

Thai artist creates sculptures of dismembered body parts from bread.
Investigation into the mysterious disappearance of the Pillsbury
Doughboy and family abruptly reopened.

group of Germans showered for 101 hours to break the world shower
record. That’s 100 hours and 50 minutes longer than the French record. I kid…I kid.