Friday Morning Quick Hits: Zombies and Wax are Fantastic!

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Fantastic_four

Scientists create zombie dogs.  Thank God, I can’t see any bad coming out of this one…

Apparently he’s packing more than four: Film-makers felt the need to make Mr. Fantastic’s package a little less fantastic. Meanwhile, the Burger King website is now promoting a Fantastic Four "build your own comic book" online. To pass the time while waiting for the movie release, geeks everywhere are creaming their jeans in their basements.

Madame Tussauds’
will immortalize you in wax for a mere $300,000 and for an extra $10,000 they will give you Mr. Fantastic’s package.

Man pleads guilty to stealing Rod Stewart’s Dodge. In other news, Rod Stewart drives a Dodge. When reached for comment Stewart declared, "I drive a Dodge Stratus! People are scared of me!"

Prince Charles‘ income rose by 11% last year. Blew it on lackeys, flunkeys and marrying a horse.

Someone was stupid enough to pay $350,000 to have lunch with Warren Buffet. Buffet of course plans to discuss the secret to his success. Lesson number one: let’s try not to piss 350,000 dollars away on lunch with an old rich white guy."

Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas reportedly got herself engaged. The Black Eyed Peas will perform at the wedding, which I believe is called "foreshadowing."

A horse is a horse

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By now everybody’s seen the blog I Hate Horses and either laughed at the absolute ridiculous-ness of the whole thing or gotten incredibly angry and offended.

Well, no matter where you stand on the whole horse issue, I think we can all agree on one thing: This is AWESOME.

Horse

Love ‘em or hate ‘em, I think now we know who’s boss.

it’s official: Ben & Jen tie the knot

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Affleckgarner

Ben does what he has to do to ensure that his kid doesn’t end up a bastard like his old man. [full story here]

Best of luck to the happy couple. We sincerely mean that*.

*Okay, let’s be honest, we’re also sincerely looking forward to watching this thing unravel. How long do you give them? 6 months? A year? 2 years? We’re talking about Ben Affleck here, you know he’s going to do something stupid. Can’t wait to see what it is. But until then, best of luck.

Thursday Quick Hits: Slutty pop stars & White People!

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Jessica_simpson

Jessica Simpson has been branded "slutty" by Christian groups.  While they were at it, they also branded Harvey Firestein a “homosexual” and RuPaul “not a chick.”

Sharon Stone is bored of fameCatwoman has a habit of doing that to people. 

Coldplay will duet with former The Verve frontman Richard Ashcroft at Live 8.  All proceeds will go directly to the Rolling Stones.

ABC has pulled an upcoming reality series in which people vie to win a house in a white neighborhood.  The decision was brought down directly from The Man.

More details about the upcoming Death Cab album have been released.  The album focuses on themes like heart break and death, but I WILL CUT YOU if you call them emo!   

Ranger’s Pitcher Kenny Rogers went ballastic on a cameraman. Insert Kenny Rogers joke here. I’m going with, "You’ve got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, and know when to throw their camera to the ground and yell about it." Thank you.

And finally, today is petition day:

1) Get Lindsay Lohan a ham and cheese sammach petition.

2) Petition to revoke Tom Cruise’s citizenship

Happy petition-ing!

Tom gets so, so wet

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Cruise_wet

I thought we’d mix it up today and start things off with a little something revolving around Tom Cruise. Shocking, eh?

This video makes me wish that South Park was putting out new episodes right now, because god only knows what they’d do with this whole thing. [Watch Video Here]

Ikea Madness & Spoiled Rotten Computer Geeks

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Ikea_commercial

This commercial confuses the hell out of me. All I know is that it’s for Ikea and there is some dancing….singing and[direct download]

—-
Reason why not to have kids # 6,326

Mom_kid


"You said you’d get it for me… that makes you a liar!  That’s bulls***!"[link]


A kid forgets to turn his headphones
off during an X-Box live game of Rainbow Six and starts to fight with
his poor…poor mother. Every single stereotype you could think of a 14 year old computer gamer lies here. I bet you he’s even in the basement. (
Google Cheat (to avoid hotlinking), could not find any other link to it)

Best.Camping.Trip.Ever.

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Camping6

Peter: Good thing I bought that cloud insurance

(Two clouds in sky)

Cloud 1: So Bill, we attack tomorrow

Cloud 2: Yes, tomorrow…

Cloud 2: I mean it this time

Cloud 2: I do too

The Clouds attacked.[link]

What Could Have Made Sideways Better

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Sideways

 

 Shut up. Shut up. Shut the hellup. If I hear just one more person talk about how great the movie Sideways is, I’m going to snap. Scratch that. I’ve already snapped, I’ve purchased a gun, and my finger is just aching to pull the trigger on the next person who gives praise to that complete waste of two hours that they have the balls to call 
a film.

Haven’t you always wondered what could have made the film Sideways better? I didn’t. But the National Lampoon guys did…and now that I’ve read this, I agree with them completely.[link]