Friday Morning Quick Hits: Madonna and Sean Penn, together again.

by

Madonna

Madonna has given her eight-year-old daughter Lourdes her own
credit card with a $10,000 limit to teach her the value of money
. Wait…is $10,000 supposed to be restrictive? I’m confused because if $10,000 is a border-line punishment then I want to be bad. Very bad. Down right naughty.

Rogert Ebert gets star on Hollywood Walk of Fame. Says the scenery moved him, but didn’t have much of a plot.

Maria Julia Mantilla, the new "Miss World" swears to the press that she is not a "creation" of a plastic surgeon. She insists that "he just did my bust and my nose" which in CRAZY TOWN doesn’t count as having had any work done at all.

Kitt voted most popular ‘pimped-up’ ride in the UK. David Hasselhoff: "It’s the first time I’ve ever seen Kitt speechless".

Katie Holmes
‘ Uncle Fritz gives the press his opinion of Tom Cruise without fear of Xenu: "Tom Seems like a real jerk. I give it 60 days." Not only must this story be totally (like t-o-t-a-l-l-y) true because it all started at the National Enquirier but it’s straight from the mouth of a friend who totally goes to like the same church as like "Uncle Fritz"  does… and my best friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend heard from
this guy who knows this kid who’s going with the girl who saw Tommy
pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it’s pretty serious.

MTV and VH1 are to broadcast Live 8, everyone here is crossing their fingers that actual music on the channels won’t offend viewers.

New club only grants membership if you’re hot and rich. Cream of mushroom soup finally has a sense of belonging.

Michael Jackson is considering a move to Switzerland where, like his race and gender, it’s neutral.

Japanese fast food chain begins offering "Whale Burgers." Gepetto finally gets his sweet revenge.

Sean Penn to play The Joker in next Batman film?  That grade A sense of humor must have landed him the roll.
 

Google Fight

by

Google_fight
Googlefight_science_wins

I think I’ve entered everything I could think of including every object in this room. You know you have spare time on your hands when you are trying to start a fight between your "pinky finger" and "baby toe". Ha and I thought the fight between the kitchen sink and bath tub was crazzzzy.[link]

You’re going to a minimum security prison!

by

Martha_stewart

There won’t be any "You’re fired" death knells sounded when Martha Stewart takes the reins of "The Apprentice" this fall. The domestic doyenne will find her own way in her own reality series — but she won’t say what it is yet. [continue reading]

Alright, what’s it going to be? I got $5 on something passive-aggressive yet somewhat polite, like "You can see yourself out!"

What’s your prediction?

Ask Tom Cruise A Question

by

Tomtowel

ask tom cruise anything. no question is off limits [link]

Wow… I… I… I didn’t see that one coming. Sorry Tom, I’ll never ask you about working with Spielberg ever again. I’m… so sorry.

Thursday Quick Hits: Cumming Right At Ya’

by

Cummings

Alan Cumming to guest star in upcumming episodes of "The L Word". I’m not too surprised, I always had a feeling that Alan Cumming was a lesbian.

Lindsay Lohan Won’t Consider Nude Scenes. "I felt a great disturbance in the force, as is a million voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something bad has happened."

Hollywood still out of ideas, Jumanji goes Sci-Fi.

Gallagher questions efficacy of Live 8; promotes smashing watermelons with a mallet. Oh wait, wrong Gallgher. Damnit.

Speaking of Gallaghers, apparently Liam didn’t know that Spinal Tap was a made up band. Neither did I… when I was 11.

Flash Back Time: Rock, Paper, Saddam

by

Saddam_idea

Saddam: I’ve got an idea! Let’s play a game of Rock Paper Scissors!

Old, yes, but still funny. I just thought we should put this up while our President’s approval rating is at an all time low to remind people that some good did come out of invading Iraq. In fact, we should totally invade more countries and capture their leaders just so people can make more websites like this one.  [check it out]

When you’re done reading, take a look at the merchandise. I’m not sure how I feel about the Rock, Paper, Saddam thong… I think it makes me a little uncomfortable.

Peter Griffin is a Genius

by

Petergriffin10

It recently dawned on me that there hasn’t been enough Family Guy on this blog. So, to alleviate that problem, here’s a clip from last week’s episode when Peter won a game of Trivial Pursuit. Sort of. [watch clip here]

I think I’m going to be singing the "I’m a tumor" song all afternoon. Some say its the catchiest tune since "I have no legs."