Friday Morning Quick Hits



11 injured in Eminem rap tour bus accident.  Omarion unscathed.  And nowhere near the bus.

Christian Slater rejects plea bargain for allegedly groping woman,
begins underlining meaningful passages in her copy of Moby Dick

Actor Bruce Campbell to play most challenging role of all: Bruce Campbell.

Michael Jackson
just doesn’t get it, now has chocolate factory tours.

Pope: "Harry Potter" books are bad because they seduce young readers. Seducing young altar boys still OK.

Tonight on Fox,"When Good Fish Go Bad"-Caught on Video: Marlin Attacks Fisherman.

Rap star NAS claims he saw a UFO four years ago. On a completely unrelated note, I want what NAS was smoking four years ago.

Everybody Must Get Stoned



You know how every one in a while when you’re talking to your friends you run out of things to talk about? After you’ve talked about all the girls, or boys, or sports, or gossip you can handle, eventually you hit a lull in the conversation. Now, sometimes you let that lull play itself out and don’t do anything about it and sooner or later something will come up. Other times, you say the first thing that pops into your mind to eradicate any awkwardness, no matter how ridiculous it is. Even if it’s something insane like "Hey, I think Harry Potter is the Bob Dylan of his generation."

Of course, I’m sure that if you said that your friends would think that you were high. Or stoned. Or drunk. Or quite possibly, Joel Garreau of the Washington Post.

Bob_dylanMr. Garreau must have been in the midst of a long awkward silence when he decided to write a column about how Harry Potter is this generation’s Dylan. I think he makes it pretty clear that he was searching for something to say when he makes declarations like like, "Today’s kids are processing these revolutionary times through their Dylan, the ringing anthem that is the story of Harry Potter" and "Harry is the herald who offers a moral code in times of great upheaval that vibrates to this generation the way the early Dylan still echoes in the lives of boomers."

Wow. Can I get a hit?

After reading the article all the way through, I decided that I like this Garreau guy. He was able to take a crazy idea and make some sense out of it. Take a look. It makes me wonder, though, could this work the other way around? If the voice of a generation has been passed from a real live musician to a fictional magician, would it be possible to equate modern day celebrities with fictional characters we grew up with? I think you could. And hey, even if you couldn’t, at least this would end a long awkward silence. Here’s what I came up with, assuming that Harry Potter = Bob Dylan.

James (of James & The Giant Peach) - Conor Oberst… he’s so alone… so depressed. He just needs an escape from this horrible world. Sing about it James, sing about it.

The Hardy Boys -  Together they did wonderful things, but when they were separated bad things started happening. That’s why they’re Eddie Van Halen and David Lee Roth.

Sweet Valley High Twins - They were both popular, smart and gorgeous. However, while Elizabeth was friendly and sincere, Jessica was snobby and conniving. So it’s obvious that Hilary Duff and Paris Hilton are the Sweet Valley twins of this generation. (This only works, of course, assuming that Paris isn’t actually "The Giving Tree." Does anybody give more than that girl? I don’t think so)

Superfudge - He’s annoying, he’s more trouble than he’s worth, he’s Fred Durst.

Ramona Quimby - Ramona always had a healthy imagination. She was a bit of a loose cannon. And one time after getting off an airplane she physically assaulted a reporter who asked her how her flight was. So that’s why she’s Bjork.

Are there more? Sure. But now I’m tired of talking. So it’s your turn. Do it up.

Thursday Morning Quick Hits: Fergie’s Phunking and Pitt’s Sick



Brad Pitt diagnosed with viral meningitis. Spokeswoman Cindy Guagenti says he is doing well, and wants Rob Thomas to stay the hell away from him.

South Africa gets the memo and declares Wesley Snipes an "undesireable person" after he’s caught using a fake passport.  Snipes to South Africa: "The world you live in is just a sugar-coated topping. There is another world beneath it. The real world."

Cooter wants you to boycott the new Dukes of Hazzard movie. So if I were you I would. You don’t want to upset a guy named Cooter, do you?

Desperate Housewives and Will & Grace top the list of Emmy nominations for primetime series, capturing 15 nods each. Now, who ever said the gays run Hollywood?

Usher opens up a camp for young wannabe performers… which he’s perfectly qualified to do thanks to his star turn in She’s All That.

Hockey is back!!!! Umm…. what’s hockey?

Fergie has confessed that she used to be addicted to drugs. She knew things were getting bad when she approached a guy and said, "I’ll phunk you for X."

Make it Hurt So Good



If a guy who looked like a heavy William Hung… just danced like nobody was looking… to John Cougar Mellancamp… you’d think it would be a beautiful thing, right?


Watch it here. I want to take this guy to the prom.

Money for the nothing



So what about all of those unknowns we see walking the red carpet, dancing on tables at random nightclubs, or singing their heart away when in fact, they suck! That’s right; they are one of “those.” Those who are famous for doing, well, absolutely nothing!

Here’s a top 10 list of people who really do absolutely nothing. Enjoy, take some hints, and maybe you (yes YOU) can become one of “those.” [Read the entire list here]

Link from the Phat Phree. Always funny.

Beckham’s Got a Whole Lotta Walkin’ To Do



Walk out side-by-side with DAVID BECKHAM in front of a sold-out crowd of 27,000 at The Home Depot Center during the starting lineups of the Real Madrid vs. Los Angeles Galaxy match on Monday, July 18th![ebay link]

Okay. So let me get this straight. I’m supposed to bid for a chance to walk BESIDE David Beckham? Oh no-no-no. I mean if sex or freshly baked cookies were involved (preferably both,) I may have considered starting my bidding at $2,500.00 USD. But strolling along side him doesn’t quite do it for me. Is this even for charity?

I got an idea. Try this on for size…

David, I’ll give you $2,500.00 USD and a cookie, if you let me swiftly kick your ba…uh…soccer balls in front of a sold-out crowd of 27,000 at The Home Depot Center? Take one for the team.

Hurricane Dennis



Pamplona, Spain – Dennis Rodman, legendary basketball player, former NBA Champion and showman, and Ray Sabbatini, a man stricken with Multiple Sclerosis, participated in the annual Running of the Bulls to help fund research to find a cure for the disease.

You can read more about it and watch the video HERE. Wow, I never saw Dennis run that hard when he was on the Bulls. Hey Dennis, here’s an idea: instead of entering wife-carrying competitions and running with the bulls, why don’t you play basketball again? Please? The league needs you back… I’m sick of making Ron Artest jokes.