Monday Morning Quick Hits



Sandra Bullock marries Jesse James.  Billy the Kid reportedly best man. Honeymoon plans include robbing trains, getting shot.

Chocolate – Old and Busted. Cow Patties – the new hotness. Charlie Bucket just wants to be a regular guy.

Jesus is about to hit prime time television and he really hoping he doesn’t have to die (again)just for ratings.

Macho, macho man (macho man) I’ve got to be, a macho man. Over the weekend, the original policeman from the Village People, was
arrested by real police
for possession of a gun and drugs. Ironically, during the same weekend the one dressed like an Indian traded his land away for some beads.

You’re watching Futurama: the MOVIE that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery. You heard me….Sweet honeybee of infinity,they are making a Futurama movie.

Forget Disneyland, whatever became of Cucamonga’s Bible Storyland Bender of Futurama fame responded to this report with "Yeah, well, I’m gonna build my own theme park! With blackjack! And hookers! In fact, forget the park".


Domination’s the name of the game



As hot as Britney looks in this photo-shoot, you have to wonder how the photographer talked them
into this Derelict-esque trailer park glam look.

"Pink plastic flamingos and wife beaters are SO hot right now. pink plastic flamingos. So hot."

Who isn’t up for a little game of master and servant?



Pictures thanks to:

One of these things is not like the others



One of these things just doesn’t belong,
Can you tell which thing is not like the others
By the time I finish my song?

Did you guess which thing was not like the others?
Did you guess which thing just doesn’t belong?
If you guessed Serena Williams is not like the others,
Then you’re absolutely…right!

Scroll down this page for more pictures…if you can stomach it.

Friday Morning Quick Hits



11 injured in Eminem rap tour bus accident.  Omarion unscathed.  And nowhere near the bus.

Christian Slater rejects plea bargain for allegedly groping woman,
begins underlining meaningful passages in her copy of Moby Dick

Actor Bruce Campbell to play most challenging role of all: Bruce Campbell.

Michael Jackson
just doesn’t get it, now has chocolate factory tours.

Pope: "Harry Potter" books are bad because they seduce young readers. Seducing young altar boys still OK.

Tonight on Fox,"When Good Fish Go Bad"-Caught on Video: Marlin Attacks Fisherman.

Rap star NAS claims he saw a UFO four years ago. On a completely unrelated note, I want what NAS was smoking four years ago.

Everybody Must Get Stoned



You know how every one in a while when you’re talking to your friends you run out of things to talk about? After you’ve talked about all the girls, or boys, or sports, or gossip you can handle, eventually you hit a lull in the conversation. Now, sometimes you let that lull play itself out and don’t do anything about it and sooner or later something will come up. Other times, you say the first thing that pops into your mind to eradicate any awkwardness, no matter how ridiculous it is. Even if it’s something insane like "Hey, I think Harry Potter is the Bob Dylan of his generation."

Of course, I’m sure that if you said that your friends would think that you were high. Or stoned. Or drunk. Or quite possibly, Joel Garreau of the Washington Post.

Bob_dylanMr. Garreau must have been in the midst of a long awkward silence when he decided to write a column about how Harry Potter is this generation’s Dylan. I think he makes it pretty clear that he was searching for something to say when he makes declarations like like, "Today’s kids are processing these revolutionary times through their Dylan, the ringing anthem that is the story of Harry Potter" and "Harry is the herald who offers a moral code in times of great upheaval that vibrates to this generation the way the early Dylan still echoes in the lives of boomers."

Wow. Can I get a hit?

After reading the article all the way through, I decided that I like this Garreau guy. He was able to take a crazy idea and make some sense out of it. Take a look. It makes me wonder, though, could this work the other way around? If the voice of a generation has been passed from a real live musician to a fictional magician, would it be possible to equate modern day celebrities with fictional characters we grew up with? I think you could. And hey, even if you couldn’t, at least this would end a long awkward silence. Here’s what I came up with, assuming that Harry Potter = Bob Dylan.

James (of James & The Giant Peach) - Conor Oberst… he’s so alone… so depressed. He just needs an escape from this horrible world. Sing about it James, sing about it.

The Hardy Boys -  Together they did wonderful things, but when they were separated bad things started happening. That’s why they’re Eddie Van Halen and David Lee Roth.

Sweet Valley High Twins - They were both popular, smart and gorgeous. However, while Elizabeth was friendly and sincere, Jessica was snobby and conniving. So it’s obvious that Hilary Duff and Paris Hilton are the Sweet Valley twins of this generation. (This only works, of course, assuming that Paris isn’t actually "The Giving Tree." Does anybody give more than that girl? I don’t think so)

Superfudge - He’s annoying, he’s more trouble than he’s worth, he’s Fred Durst.

Ramona Quimby - Ramona always had a healthy imagination. She was a bit of a loose cannon. And one time after getting off an airplane she physically assaulted a reporter who asked her how her flight was. So that’s why she’s Bjork.

Are there more? Sure. But now I’m tired of talking. So it’s your turn. Do it up.

Thursday Morning Quick Hits: Fergie’s Phunking and Pitt’s Sick



Brad Pitt diagnosed with viral meningitis. Spokeswoman Cindy Guagenti says he is doing well, and wants Rob Thomas to stay the hell away from him.

South Africa gets the memo and declares Wesley Snipes an "undesireable person" after he’s caught using a fake passport.  Snipes to South Africa: "The world you live in is just a sugar-coated topping. There is another world beneath it. The real world."

Cooter wants you to boycott the new Dukes of Hazzard movie. So if I were you I would. You don’t want to upset a guy named Cooter, do you?

Desperate Housewives and Will & Grace top the list of Emmy nominations for primetime series, capturing 15 nods each. Now, who ever said the gays run Hollywood?

Usher opens up a camp for young wannabe performers… which he’s perfectly qualified to do thanks to his star turn in She’s All That.

Hockey is back!!!! Umm…. what’s hockey?

Fergie has confessed that she used to be addicted to drugs. She knew things were getting bad when she approached a guy and said, "I’ll phunk you for X."