Tuesday Morning Quick Hits

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Missy Elliott wants to give Michael Jackson an extreme
makeover.
“I would give him some thugged-out braids, a wife-beater, a
pair of jeans, and penny loafers”.

Sith

"Law & Order" creator Dick Wolf looking forward to producing yet
another series
. "Law & Order: Beating a Good Thing into the Ground"
due out this fall.

Final Star Wars flick on DVD Nov. 1 – and then again every six months thereafter with a super secret special edition.

Goodbye my baby, Goodbye my honey, Goodbye my ragtime doll Warner Brothers has fired Michigan J. Frog.

Man found guilty of forging Cameron Diaz’s signature to sell her topless photos. If that’s wrong, who wants to be right?

Miller Brewing Company celebrates 150 years of making horse urine fit for human consumption.

According to Courtney Love, it’s Dave Grohl who’s been taking money
away from her daughter
all these years; and in other news, the words "drug habit" demand a
recount.

 

Stuck between a Rock and an Ugly place

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So this guy made a list of who he considers to be the 9 ugliest rock stars alive. Click here to check them out with commentary.  Here’s the list for those too lazy to check:Dolores

  1. Keith Richards
  2. Patti Smith
  3. Timbuk 3
  4. Ric Ocasek
  5. Noel & Liam Gallagher
  6. Thom Yorke
  7. Adam Duritz
  8. John Popper
  9. Dolores O’Riordan

Okay, now… is he KIDDING??? First of all, let’s think about who he’s missing here. Has he ever heard of Shane McGowan of the Pogues? How about Mick Mars of Motley Crue? You’re telling me the Gallagher brothers are uglier than Steve Perry? Come on!

Oh, and don’t even get me started on the inclusion of Dolores O’Riordan. Come on now. She may not be Shania Twain, but she’s definitely better looking than Janis Joplin.

I’m sorry, I’m getting heated. Who else deserves to be on this list? And who shouldn’t have been included? Please, I need to know.

Afternoon Quick Hits: Van sex and train wrecks

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Teri_hatcher

P. Diddy will host the 2005 VMA’s. His opening monologue is expected to be one part Chris Rock and two parts horrifying train wreck.

Brittany Murphy has signed on to star in ads for Jordache jeans. Finally, a role she can handle.

Jane Fonda is taking a cross-country bus tour to oppose the war in Iraq in a bus fueled by "vegetable oil." Um, seriously? Does that actually work? If so, I think we’re two seconds away from declaring war on Wesson.

Teri Hatcher likes to have sex in a van parked in her driveway. Man, that is one desperate housewife. Get it? Get it? Desperate housewife? Get it? Kill me.

More and more video game developers are creating titles for Christian gamers. Next up: Grand Theft Auto: Nazareth. Meanwhile, Jewish gamers are still stuck playing their old Sonic The Rabbi games.

Kevin Federline missed his son’s first birthday. But don’t be mad, he was really, really busy that day. He had to um… tan. And, um… watch TV. And uh… hey! Nachos are done!

A guy who claimed he had a summer romance with Jennifer Aniston in 1984 is auctioning off her old love letters, notes, pictures, and other memorabilia. It’s all part of his plan to discourage women everywhere from having premarital summer sex ever again.

Monday Morning Quick Hits

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Huey_lewis

Charlotte Church is the latest star to fall for Scientology. Edna Garrett always seemed so wise, too…

Brad and Angelina to wed in September. Plan to adopt all of Africa soon after.

Ricky Martin wants to end Arab stereotypes. Ironically, Arabs want to end Ricky Martin.

Many war veterans think the "Wedding Crashers" website isn’t funny. The world takes note. Next up: their opinion on farts.

All my Cyberpunk fiction fueled nightmares are coming true: it’s raining ads.

Huey Lewis is set to join the cast of "Chicago." And the news? They’re still unemployed.

The scientist who found a link between smoking and lung cancer died Sunday, at the age of 92. Investigators suspect foul play… or the fact that he was 92.

Maytag hesitant to let Whirlpool see its books. Critics deny money laundering may be involved. *zing!*

Bill Gates continues to strive for global dominance as Microsoft takes on the world with their own version of Earth. Think Google maps only more suckage. On a serious note though, while I’m still a google maps fan, you have to admit the click and drag compass feature is a pretty nice touch. *cough* Microsoft sucks *cough.* what?    what?

who’s having the best week ever?

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Bwe_pic

Well, there’s your hint. Maybe. I’m not sure. Actually, I’m a little confused.

I guess you’re going to have to tune in tonight at 11 and all weekend long to find out. Have a good one.

Jimmy Fallon, Funny with a capital F U!

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Jfallon

EVERYTHING Jimmy Fallon does is hilarious. HE’S HYSTERICAL. Look at him, walking. Genius. Who is renting TAXI with me tonight? Anyone? ME. I am. I’m renting it right now. Done. Bam!

Seriously though, I mean Fever Pitch was a COMEDY GOLD MINE. Are the Sox winning? Losing? Is he going to lose his mind? Lose the girl? JIMMY FALLON wins at life.  I mean,  Saturday Night Live just isn’t the same without him is it? Can we also start a petition to bring back Fallon to SNL?

I can’t get over this picture. Look at how FUNNY he is! I mean, no wonder Horatio Sanz couldn’t keep a straight face around him. The guy just screams FUNNY. I’d go on and on about this but I am having trouble typing through the tears…

I frikkin’ love this man!

Thank you Jimmy Fallon. Thank you for providing us with non-stop laughter. You are truly the funniest man to ever grace this earth. The world needs more people like you Jimmy Fallon. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go watch my Pauly Shore DVD box set for more genuine laughter.

God speed Jimmy Fallon. God Speed.

Best of Friday Linkage

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Isthis_your_car


This Guy Doesn’t Disown His Toyota, and Gets Beaten Up By a Little Girl.

Why can’t our Toyota commercials be this fantastic? Huh? I am going to start a petition, yes..a petition to ensure that our car commercials involve more little girls kicking the crap out of grown men. Mostly because it’s priceless. Sort of like midgets only cuter.

I’m going to make it happen people. Just believe.[link]


Jedi House

Poster

Story:
In this faux trailer, we see what College life might be like for some
Jedi training at the Academy. From fraternities to parties, and
everything in between, will they be able to graduate in just four
years? Or at all?

Jedi training and fraternities just shouldn’t mix. That’s all I am going to say.[Link]

Daily Blog Plug: Overheard in the Office

Davidbrent

Guy #1: Is this a picture of your daughter?
Guy #2: Yeah. She’s really starting to fill out.

1501 E. Woodfield Road
Schaumburg, Illinois

In case you haven’t already bookmarked Overheard in the Office, I suggest you do so. It’s by the same people who brought you Overheard in New York, which to this day I believe is the greatest site in existence.[Link]


Strangest wrestlers from the eighties

Honkly 

Wrestling has been around for a very long time but the eighties really
elevated the sport into the mainstream category. 1984 was the birth
year of the annual wrestling Superbowl called Wrestlemania and launched
the career of guys like Hulk Hogan and King Kong Bundy. These wrestlers
were pretty normal however. They just acted like wrestlers. You may
think that’s normal, but in wrestling, almost nothing is normal. See,
every wrestler has to have a gimmick which separates him from the rest
of the bunch….

Wrestling will never be that amazing again. Ever. That hurts a little bit, deep down inside…[Link]


Smurf Yeah!

Smurfenstein

This following link is more smurf than you can probably handle. Smurf on.[link]