Tom Cruise’s Medical Forum



Can you give me some examples of medical situations that were treated more effectively with this alternate medical philosophy?

Sure. I can recall an incident on the set of ‘Days of Thunder’ where a stunt driver had a horrible, high-speed accident, just barreled into a wall, and unfortunately he had been harnessed incorrectly. He was screaming in agony, his legs and several ribs were obviously very badly broken, and the first instinct of everyone on the set was to get him airlifted to a medical treatment facility. Luckily, amid all of this hysterical panic, someone was clear-thinking enough to come to my trailer to notify me of what had happened. I sprinted to the scene and insisted the air paramedic be turned away–it was clear to me that what this man was most in need of was a handful of high-potency vitamins, which I administered with all due haste.

Really? This is an effective treatment for numerous compound fractures?

Well, not on its own, obviously. I had him carried to my trailer and placed in my sauna, where he could sweat out the pain-toxins that were coursing through his bloodstream.

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Coldplay de-coded


Coldplay_1Some blokes with too much time on their hands were able to decode the new Coldplay album cover.  Here’s what they came up with: [From]

…the seemingly random blocks of colour are in fact a 19th century telegraphic code.

The centre pages of the ’X&Y’ inlay shows the full telegraphic alphabet, with the vertical arrangements of blocks representing each letter of the regular alphabet, as well as the coding for numbers and other symbols such as brackets, question marks and ampersands.

When applied to the cover image, it is revealed that the configuration of blocks spells out ‘X&Y’, whilst the message at the back of the album’s booklet says, ’Make Trade Fair’. The colour scheming is merely for decoration.

I don’t know whether to be disappointed that it turned out to be really boring, or just relieved that it has nothing to do with Gwyneth.

I agree with fair trade, though. Like, when you go back to the record store to trade X&Y in, you should definitely get $5 or $6 back in store credit. Thanks for looking out, Chris.

Morning Quick Hits: Party Girls, Clowns and Magicians



Lohan may be done with the partying, but the partying ain’t done with her. Whatever you say Ms. Blowhan.

Hollywood is just as sick of celebrity romance as we are, but breaking up with the paparazzi is harder than it looks.

In order to win Americans back to the Democratic party, Kerry releases his college transcripts to prove he’s no smarter than Bush. D’s stand for distinction, says Kerry.
Mdf579251 Ronald McDonald
spent the winter months with Hanz and Franz. He’s here to pump your kids up. That was one delicious piece of girly-man.

Meanwhile, Nelson Mandela spreads his AIDS to the Artic. WHAT? OH…oh…AIDS message. AIDS MESSAGE. Not AIDS. Whew. I was worried for a second. Mandela spreads AIDS message to the Arctic.

Goodbye Mrs. Robinson. Cinema’s first MILF, Anne Bancroft died of uterine cancer on Monday at Mount Sinai Hospital.   

Go ahead and call him crazy, Michael Jackson wont go anywhere without his personal magician, Majestik Magnificent. I wish I could take credit for coming up with that name, but unfortunately that’s actually what he calls himself. Only in my nightmares could I be that creative.

Eminem has a crush on the hot spice girl and not the one who looks awful naked.

And now for something truly horrible:

Avril Lavigne sings "Chop Suey" by System Of a Down
And for her next trick, Avril sings selections from Bolt Thrower.



Only Angelina Jolie could make leather look both classy and hot. You can find more Mr. and Mrs. Smith Los Angeles premiere pictures here.

and last but most definitely not least, you can now buy your favorite Amish Clothes online. The online clothing shop is aptly named "Plainly Dressed". With a nice pair of oversized sunglasses, I could see an Olsen or two sporting this classic yet chic style.

Classic Conan Clip time



I stumbled upon a favorite Triumph the Insult Comic Dog moment and feel like sharing: Triumph gives the Hawaii weather forecast. I am starting to think that puppets should just do the news from now on. I don’t think I can go back to watching the weather channel again until all the puppets of the world unite and take over the newsroom.[watch now]

For a little Triumph tribute, check out these classic videos:

Triumph vs Star Wars

Triumph vs Bon Jovi

Triumph vs Hollywood

Triumph vs The Dragon-master

Triumph vs American Idol

Triumph vs Moby vs Eminem

Triumph: The Early Years

Triumph on NPR

and you’ll find a few more videos at the NBC Triumph video page or you could just go buy the Triumph DVD already and be done with it.

Tuesday’s Quick Hits: Catfights & Keanu



I predict two upcoming celebrity cat fights…

Part I: "No way They are not coming to my party" - Lindsay Lohan talking about the Simpson siblings. What started over Wilmer just won’t stop.  Let’s just hope  that Duff doesn’t get involved, because this has to the potential to turn into an all out battle roy-al.

Part II: "I’m not some crazy, Tara Reid-esque party girl. I want to be in this for the long run." -Lindsay Lohan on Tara Reid. I bet Tara would be offended if she wasn’t too out of it to understand.

Stevie Wonder’s wife gave birth to the singer’s 7th child on Wednesday.  The baby boy looks just like Stevie… or at least that’s what they’re telling him.

Victoria Beckham came to the defense of her pals Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes saying, "It’s for real alright. Tom and Katie were all over each other when we were at his house. They were massively in love by the looks of things.” She added that "all they really wanted was to ziggy-zig-ah," but to the best of her knowledge, 2 did NOT become 1 that night.

Keanu Reeves married in LA? Whoa! Whoa? Whoa….

Britney Spears was reportedly spotted buying infant clothes for a girl. Some people think that means she’s having a girl, while others just look forward to Britney trying to squeeze her ass into them like she used to.