Thursday Afternoon Quick Hits

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Robertevans

Oliver Stone says the pot belonged to a Cuban hired by the CIA.

Da Vinci Code
movie to omit references to religion. Will end up being "a great car chase movie."

Study shows 1 in 25 of fathers are not the biological parent of "his" child. Insert red-headed stepchild joke here.

Hollywood just now beginning to acknowledge 9/11. Apparently it takes four years for news to travel 3,000 miles.

Robert Evans forgotten Hollywood Rule #1: Always marry someone younger than half your age.

Physics teacher uses extraordinary tactics to open his students’ minds. Refreshingly, sex isn’t one of them.

Heidi Klum to host German version of Next Top Model. "Your currywursts are nice, but you need to shake your schnitzel more".

3 crooks nabbed while sleeping in car at intersection. Found with guns
on their laps, drugs and cash in the car. Complain their mothers never
told them to get a good night’s sleep.

A stripper’s apology to Matty..err… Matt LeBlanc

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So perhaps you read Matt LeBlanc‘s apology to his wife and daughter concerning his recent visit to a strip club but have you read the stripper’s apologetic letter to Matt? Didn’t think so…

Charliesangels062703

Dear Matty,

I just wanted to send you a formal apology for making that horrible assumption that a man in a strip club wanted to see my naked body. My bad.  I’m so-so-SO-sorry I continued doing my job when you arrived on the scene and made matters worse by rubbing my girly parts all over your body.

I mean, you’re absolutely right. I was WAY OUT LINE. Taking advantage of a client who is paying good money to look at my superior dancing skills and stripping techniques shouldn’t feel like a victim. You know, unless they wanted to feel like a victim…because I can do that too…for a small fee of course. *tee hee* But I’m getting off topic. I just wanted to apologize and thank you for being such a good sport about the whole thing. I mean, you didn’t even want to be at the club, yet you didn’t want to hurt my feelings so you continued to make me feel special by stuffing 100 dollar bills into my g-string. Wow. Just wow.  Your wife is a lucky woman. Once again, I am sincerely sorry for putting you in such an awkward position. My bad.

Anyyyyywhoooo, no hard feelings and if you do ever decide to come back to the VIP room, I promise to make it up to you with a free lap dance and happy ending, for both you and your wife.

xoxox

Kitty

Ricky Gervais Writes “Simpsons” Episode

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Rickgersimpson

These are the first glimpses of
how Gervais will look in the forthcoming episode of The Simpsons
entitled ‘Homer Simpson, This Is Your Wife’, written by Ricky himself.

This might actually be a reason to start watching The Simpsons again…[link]

Thursday Morning Quick Hits

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Comedycentralroast09_1

Stephen Baldwin credits The Lord for curing him of materialism.  Well…that and Biodome.

Courtney Love reportedly fails drug test. In other news, the sky is still blue.

Cosmopolitan
Magazine
turns 40. Has swelled to an unsightly 106 pages and the same
old monthly surveys are starting to sag. Panic setting in.

Lindsay Lohan pens songs about ordeal with father entitled ‘You take away my appetite.’ and ‘sometimes you just make me so angry’.

Jamie Lee Curtis slams cosmetic surgery, continues to endorse gender reassignment surgery.

DOES TECHNORATI HAVE A LIVE SHOW? I DON’T THINK SO

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2676174

 
Best Week Ever’s
Live show
, after a killer run at the UCB theater in NY, is heading left — or
west, however you want to look at it.
 
Next week, we’re
doing TWO shows at the UCB Theater in L.A.

 
August 15 Features
Paul Scheer, Doug Benson, Danielle Schneider and Paul F.
Tompkins

 
August 17 features
Sheer, Schneider, Christian Finnegan and Greg Fitzsimmons
 
Come see them both
– just TRY to figure out which show is better.

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See you there! Check rnout the UCB LA site for times and tickets.

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MTV NETWORKS
1633 Broadway
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See you there! Check
out the UCB LA site for times and tickets.