Revenge Done Dork-Style

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What not to do following a break up: Sing to your ex-girlfriend with your web camera. Somehow, some way, I’m going to find it. In other news, lip syncing to your cheating ex-girlfriend is a sure fire way for it to be forwarded to everyone in your high school. Best of luck on recovering from this one, dude. Next time you do something this stupid, try to at least learn the words. Not-Safe-For-Work due to language. [video link]

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Afternoon Linkage: Love Nests, Live 8, and Lying To Your Wife

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Ellen_and_portiaDenise Richards gave birth to a baby girl. Her name is Lola….she was a showgirl. With yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there She would merengue and do the cha-cha…

Must be nice to be an ugly famous guy. Benicio Del Toro was paid $5million to do nothing - when a film was canceled.

HELP ME, help YOU! It hasn’t even been a month in the TomKat relationship and the over-protective Tom Cruise has already started calling the shots, starting with telling  Katie Holmes she should not star in "Factory Girls" because it features drug use, offends Scientologists and is one more movie than he has coming out this year.

Ellen DeGeneres and girlfriend Portia De Rossi have bought Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston’s Beverly Hills home and promise to start making it a love shack again in no time.

Singer Kylie Minogue  get’s the special superstar treatment even before dying hospital patients. Oh…Oh it’s good to be rich.

Desperate Housewives creator Marc Cherry admits he hasn’t been laid in 1 year and probably knows nothing about sex or even women for that matter. Hmmphht. I could have told you that…starting with the fact that real women eat food.

The domain names for porn sites will soon end in .xxx instead of .com. In other news, the ‘x’ key on my keyboard will now be getting used more than ever before.

Live 8 London has been criticized for being “hideously white.” Meanwhile Live 8 Philadelphia has been criticized for being “hilariously ironic.” My fingers are crossed for a Bon Jovi, 50 Cent, and Stevie Wonder cover of “Do They Know its Christmas?”

Anna Kournikova loves to see women swoon over beau Enrique Iglesias. And Enrique Iglesias loves to have sex with Anna Kournikova. No pun, just truth.

David Hasselhoff has won again. His two year holdout has paid off. A movie based on “Knight Rider” has finally been greenlit, and yes, it will include a talking car. Some big-ups wanted to silence KITT, but Hasselhoff said, “It’s stupid, there’s no film without a talking car.” Sadly, it’s unlikely that that was the first time that phrase was uttered in Hollywood.

…and last but not least,  Britney Spears would once again like to tell us about her sex life. Cover your ears kiddies, she think sex is better now that she’s pregnant. Tune into "Chaotic" to hear all about it!

Real World: Austin– Start Stalking the 7 Strangers

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Thanks to the Internet, you can be a stalker in 3 easy steps. First step, go here and find out the details  behind Real World Austin cast members, where you’ll find a list of the bars they have been caught visiting on a regular basis. The list is complete with full addresses and phone numbers so you can call in advance to see if your favorite member is dancing on the bar yet.

The second step is to read these two live journal accounts of "Counselor Shawn" which you can find here and here. 

Finally once you hunt down the cast member’s bar of choice, be sure to thank me when you get yourself invited back to their house. Or you could steal me a towel. Either way, I’ll take what I can get. Oh and be sure to remember to say ‘hi’ to your mom when the camera rolls by.

Morning Quick Hits: Clones and Chicken Curry

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Jennifer Ainston
has replaced all her lingerie that remind her of Brad. New love life – new underwear. I see nothing strange about this article other than this fact made the headlines this morning.

Scarlett Johansson wants to clone herself. You heard me. She wants to clone herself a new best friend: "It would be my special friend. It would also be great because I could send it to the gym instead of me." Sssh. Scarlet, you had us at "special friend".  All we wanted to hear after those words are something to the extent of  "I would totally place mirrors around my bedroom and make out with myself."

Sylvester Stallone is coming back to a theater and in what some might say is his best role ever, Rambo IV. It’s a good way to kill time until Rocky VI.

Kevin Spacey is set to get his reality tv on. They’ve officially run out of amateur creepy people, so it was time to go with a pro.

Bo Bice is beating Carrie Underwood in pre-order debut album sales. In other news, there are pre-order album charts?

Miss Beyonce Knowles has been banned from eating chicken curries by her personal trainer. I wasn’t aware you could do that…ban people from food. Well at least not in North America anyway…

Call me crazy but I thought that once you get married and you say your vows it’s pretty much a done deal. Once again, I have been proved wrong as Jessica Simpson and that husband of hers who used to be in that boy band or reality TV show (or something like that) are renewing their wedding vows.

Halle Berry pretends to still ponder her options concerning Hugh Hefner $10 Million dollar Playboy photo-shoot offer. Who can blame her, there are so many questions she would have to ask herself. Like, "would this be as bad for my career as Die Another Day was for meCatwoman    or…or that time I did Gothika?"

Gallery of the Absurd

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The "Gallery Of The Absurd" is a new celebrity based art blog that should become one of your daily net visits. Be sure to catch up on the archives.

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The little Olsen Twins swing gleefully among the branches of their money tree, picking leaves whenever they feel like it, and spending it all on fancy New York apartments, baggy wardrobes and popcorn bucket-sized cups of coffee from Starbucks. What a life.

Afternoon Quick Links – Witches, Time Travelers, Silk Panties…Oh My!

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Wiccans protest "Samantha Statue" in Salem because they believe that both the show "Bewitched" and the main character mock their existence. I don’t know about you guys but if some "witches" started making threats to me, I’d do whatever they told me too. I mean, have you SEEN the movie "The Craft"?

Brad Pitt desires time travel which leads me to believe that this Angelina Jolie love affair is a rumor because no man in their right mind would insinuate that he should go back to Jennifer Aniston. Unless of course he wants to travel back in time to be with Angelina over and over and over again. That makes more sense.

Michael Jackson thinks people want his money...and yeah, he’s pretty much right. I also want one of his llamas… and a ride on his ferris wheel.

Madonna loses her panties? Quite honestly I’m not sure what this link is about. I just saw the words "Madonna" then "Panties" followed by "1998" and "Private Eyes" and threw up a little bit in my mouth.