Moustache Rides– This October!

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Moustache_1

The next World Beard and Moustache Championships will take place in Berlin, the capital of Germany, on October 1, 2005. [learn more here...]

I’m posting this today to do all you guys… and hairy girls… a favor. It’s time to buckle down and start growing that facial hair so you can compete with Karl-Heinz Hille, the 2003 champion that’s looking to defend his title.

I’m warning you, this guy is good. So start training, and maybe, MAYBE, you’ll take the home the coveted title. It would be the biggest upset since Daniel Larusso beat Johnny Lawrence in the All-Valley karate tournament. Best of luck.

Sweep the leg, Johnny! Yeeeeaahhhhhhh!

Wednesday Morning Quick Hits

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Jennifer_garner

Sienna Miller finally dumps Jude Law, conveniently forgetting that he cheated on his former wife with her.

Oscar voters get an extra week to deliberate. This is not expected to help the Fantastic Four‘s chances at all.

Kate Moss has been spotted with Johnny Knoxville. I guess when your last boyfriend was a heroin-addicted rock star the guy from Jackass actually looks kind of stable.

Jessica Alba was a frail, asthmatic, obsessive compulsive child with throat cysts. I’d still hit it.

Tom & Katie are about to get some company. Nicole Kidman is moving to Beverly Hills to be near her ex-husband. And to give Katie career— I mean, marriage— advice.

Doonesbury does something and some people get upset. I think. I have no clue. Doonesbury is so boring I can’t even read something about Doonesbury.

Liz Phair announces the release date of her upcoming album/disaster. It drops on October 4, and it’s called "Somebody’s Miracle." And it will be a miracle if anybody buys it.

Sydney Bristow: Pregnant. Jennifer Garner to be a pregnant spy on Alias. Because even Marshall couldn’t figure out a way to cover this one up.

Look Who’s Cumming

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Cumming

This commercial for Alan Cumming’s new fragrance is the funniest thing he’s ever done… and that’s including Spice World. This commercial is absolutely amazing.

My only complaint with the site is, when you click on the areas that haven’t been built yet, it says "Coming soon" instead of "Cumming soon." Come on, Alan. Once you start Cumming, don’t stop Cumming. That’s just rude.

[Watch Commercial Here]

Tuesday Afternoon Quick Hits

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Voltitle

Paul McCartney gets by with a little help from his friends – claims George helped him write a song from beyond the grave.

Christian critics say Jessica Simpson video is "too sexy". Claim they were just watching it for "umm…research".

Voltron is coming to the big screen.  No word on the Sven vs Alura blue lion controversy

Was Owen Wilson the key to the Wes Anderson phenomenon? Personally, I believe every movie should have a little bit of the O factor.

Terrell Owens will show up to training camp but will not be happy if he fails to get a new deal. In other news, Terrell Owens leaves a trail of slime that glows in the dark.

Mel Gibson to write, direct, produce new movie in Mayan language.  Hollywood surrenders.

Trying to remain relevant, TV Guide changes magazine’s format . They just couldn’t keep up with writing a synopsis of all 19 million shows on 5000 channels.

Sienna and Orlando sitting in a tree…K-i-s-s-i-n-g?

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Siorli2

Sienna Miller strikes back with a vengeance with that dude who played an elf and a pirate in training, Orlando Bloom. She doesn’t cancel the engagement, but instead gives Jude Law a quick and very public taste of his own medicine. The Sun was there, of course, to capture what could be revenge– or just a friendly snuggle session that we will fully blow out of proportion.

Tuesday Morning Quick Hits

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Missy Elliott wants to give Michael Jackson an extreme
makeover.
“I would give him some thugged-out braids, a wife-beater, a
pair of jeans, and penny loafers”.

Sith

"Law & Order" creator Dick Wolf looking forward to producing yet
another series
. "Law & Order: Beating a Good Thing into the Ground"
due out this fall.

Final Star Wars flick on DVD Nov. 1 – and then again every six months thereafter with a super secret special edition.

Goodbye my baby, Goodbye my honey, Goodbye my ragtime doll Warner Brothers has fired Michigan J. Frog.

Man found guilty of forging Cameron Diaz’s signature to sell her topless photos. If that’s wrong, who wants to be right?

Miller Brewing Company celebrates 150 years of making horse urine fit for human consumption.

According to Courtney Love, it’s Dave Grohl who’s been taking money
away from her daughter
all these years; and in other news, the words "drug habit" demand a
recount.

 

Stuck between a Rock and an Ugly place

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So this guy made a list of who he considers to be the 9 ugliest rock stars alive. Click here to check them out with commentary.  Here’s the list for those too lazy to check:Dolores

  1. Keith Richards
  2. Patti Smith
  3. Timbuk 3
  4. Ric Ocasek
  5. Noel & Liam Gallagher
  6. Thom Yorke
  7. Adam Duritz
  8. John Popper
  9. Dolores O’Riordan

Okay, now… is he KIDDING??? First of all, let’s think about who he’s missing here. Has he ever heard of Shane McGowan of the Pogues? How about Mick Mars of Motley Crue? You’re telling me the Gallagher brothers are uglier than Steve Perry? Come on!

Oh, and don’t even get me started on the inclusion of Dolores O’Riordan. Come on now. She may not be Shania Twain, but she’s definitely better looking than Janis Joplin.

I’m sorry, I’m getting heated. Who else deserves to be on this list? And who shouldn’t have been included? Please, I need to know.

Afternoon Quick Hits: Van sex and train wrecks

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Teri_hatcher

P. Diddy will host the 2005 VMA’s. His opening monologue is expected to be one part Chris Rock and two parts horrifying train wreck.

Brittany Murphy has signed on to star in ads for Jordache jeans. Finally, a role she can handle.

Jane Fonda is taking a cross-country bus tour to oppose the war in Iraq in a bus fueled by "vegetable oil." Um, seriously? Does that actually work? If so, I think we’re two seconds away from declaring war on Wesson.

Teri Hatcher likes to have sex in a van parked in her driveway. Man, that is one desperate housewife. Get it? Get it? Desperate housewife? Get it? Kill me.

More and more video game developers are creating titles for Christian gamers. Next up: Grand Theft Auto: Nazareth. Meanwhile, Jewish gamers are still stuck playing their old Sonic The Rabbi games.

Kevin Federline missed his son’s first birthday. But don’t be mad, he was really, really busy that day. He had to um… tan. And, um… watch TV. And uh… hey! Nachos are done!

A guy who claimed he had a summer romance with Jennifer Aniston in 1984 is auctioning off her old love letters, notes, pictures, and other memorabilia. It’s all part of his plan to discourage women everywhere from having premarital summer sex ever again.