Alabama beat LSU 21-0 in last night’s BCS Championship game, which was generally a pretty boring game that we don’t really need to talk about on our popular-cultural humour site.
What we DO need to talk about on our popular-cultural humour site, however, is that LSU safety Tyrann Mathieu is nicknamed “The Honey Badger” – a tip of the cap to one of last year’s most-watched viral videos – and during last night’s game, ESPN announcer Brent Musburger referred to “The Honey Badger” literally fourteen times in under 3 hours.
Fortunately, Deadspin has compiled every “Honey Badger” mention from last night’s broadcast into one convenient “Obviously we’re going to watch this stupid thing” video. Think 14 mentions is too many? Brent Musburger don’t give a sh*t. (Click the pic below to watch):
Chicago Magazine has suggested that it’s only fair that someone from Chicago replaces our great Queen. And according to this same magazine, there’s really only one man for the job: Nate Berkus. And what better way to illustrate this point than with the above animated GIF. There’s someone oddly haunting about it. *footsteps, doorslam* My soul just ran out for cigarettes nothing to be alarmed about.
We like to deliver news to you, dear readers, but you know what’s sometimes more fun? Delivering news to the people whom the news is supposed to be about. Case in point, yesterday, we were all excited about the story that instead of shuffling Lea Michele, Cory Monteith, Chris Colfer and other Glee stars off to a spin-off after their characters graduate this season, they’ll be staying on the original show. And it just so happened that Darren Criss (whose character Blaine is still a junior at McKinley High) hadn’t even heard the news until he stopped by the VH1 office for a chat.
“I’m in Broadway Worldlandplace right now,” Criss said by way of explaining his ignorance on such matters while taking over for Daniel Radcliffe in How to Succeed in Business. “That’s wonderful news [about the seniors staying], because I’m certainly happy to have my friends around longer. I always thought they would stay. Maybe they graduate from school but that doesn’t necessarily mean they leave. Ryan [Murphy] is a sharp cookie, as are the other writers. I am more than confident that they will find a really cool way to make it work in the story.”
We also told Darren about the rumor that Grant Gustin, who plays gay troublemaking Warbler Sebastian, is rumored to be returning to season four as a series regular.
“If there are whisperings of that stuff happening, that’s great,” Darren said. “I really like him a lot and I think his character’s such a great addition to the show and he’s such a talented guy. He’s a good guy too.”
Lalalalalalalaaaaadies! Check out Ralph Fiennes in this ad for Coriolanus… And I’ll tell you who’d like to Coriol his anus: Everyone. Judging by this promotional poster, a still of which I grabbed from The Graham Norton Show (the best), Coriolanus is a Shakespeare play about a dude from Blue Man Group who goes f*cking mental. Based on this description alone, I will see it. Y’all know I can never resist a man with blood bangs! Also his eyes are two jacuzzis on the Jersey Shore that I would like to baste myself in.
Who wants to camp out for tickets Phantom Menace style? (I’m writing this post from inside a tent outside of an AMC theater.)
Oh hey. What’s the largest gumball machine you’ve ever seen? DON’T EVEN ANSWER THAT cause it’s probably NOTHING, you not-large-gumball-machine-seeing PERSON! (Burn.)
Behold, the world’s largest retail gumball machine, standing 7 feet tall and holding 14,450 gumballs:
The machine currently retails for $3,900 at Hammacher Schlemmer, which as we all know, is not an actual store but a magical castle in the clouds that only appears if you are of elvish descent or are a literal billionaire. If you’re an elvish billionaire, you get 5% off. Enjoy your gumballs, elvish billionaires!
Just, remember to tell Bryant Gumbel to watch out:
From The Onion comes this distressing breaking news that we all knew was coming but didn’t want to face: The witch who granted Beyoncé her magically flawless singing voice has unfortunately returned to claim her first born child, as per a fame-making deal struck between Beyoncé and the witch fifteen years ago.
Poor Blue Ivy Carter – we all knew your mother was a little too perfect to be true, but we’re sorry it’s come to this. At least you have your touching new Jay-Z song and today’s excellent New York Post cover…
(Via the Entertainment / Witch correspondant himself, @gabeliedman)
Watch out, Channing, Matthew, Joe and Alex, there’s a new fake stripper in town. Like many a beautiful person before her, model Agyness Deyn isn’t content with just one career. She’s also trying her hand at acting. After a small role in Clash of the Titans, the 28-year-old landed the part of Flo, a “strong-minded stripper” in Pusher, a movie about a drug dealer whose life spins out of control over the course of a week, the Telegraph reports.
Agyness sounds like she’s been seriously bitten by the acting bug, too. She’s making her stage debut in London in The Leisure Society beginning in February. “When I did Pusher in the summer, it was like: this is what I’m supposed to be doing,” she told the Evening Standard. “I just loved it so much and it excites me to be able to do it. I want to do it as much as possible — film, theatre, everything.”
[Photo: Vertigo Films/Facebook]
Justin Bieber’s 18th birthday is still more than a month away (March 1, if you don’t have your calendar marked), but V Magazine got a jumpstart on the celebration, putting him on the cover of its music issue. In the accompanying interview, the always-cautious Biebs doesn’t reveal anything too earth-shattering, but he does show us just how ambitious he really is.
Asked what his goals are, Bieber answered frankly, “My goal at the end of the day — right now — I want to be successful and be great at what I do. But eventually, I want to become the best at what I do. I want to be the best. In the world. I want to be better than anybody that’s ever done it. And in order to do that, I need to strive to be the best, be good to people and treat people with respect, and work as hard as I can. Because for me, I work so hard and this consumes my life, and it’s not worth it if I’m not the best.”
The savvy singer says he isn’t content to be known as a “teen superstar.” He’s ready to put in the work for the long term, and reach Michael Jackson-like status by the time he’s 30.
Here’s a video of a group of otters chasing a butterfly with adorable, otter determination. It is both an entertaining spectacle set to wacky piano music and a symbolic meditation on our constant struggle to reach that life goal that’s forever just beyond our collective grasp. But it’s mostly the first thing.
Oh otters – you’re even cute when clearly trying to murder another cute thing:
Kirsten Dunst can breathe a little easier now. She was in court last month in L.A. to win a restraining orderÂ against French fan Jean Christophe Prudhon, who had allegedly flown to America on multiple occasions to
stalk see her. And get this, the 51-year-old dude used to sit outside her house, just waiting for her. He also tried calling her and wrote to her repeatedly as well. Her mother said that one of his notes stated that he “came across the oceans 5 times to try and meet you, always frustrated by fate who took you away each time.” Apparently, Prudhon also admitted sitting in his car outside her home, and said that he’s walked up to her door and accostedÂ her mother, as well.
The judge granted her a temporary restraining order back then, but has now upped it to a three-year ban. Prudhon, as per law, has to stay at least 100 yards away from the actress till 2015. Let’s just hope that deters him for good.