by (@JordanRuntagh)

Shakira Attacked By Sea Lion, And 10 Other Weird Celeb Vs. Wild Encounters

Terror never looked as adorable as when Shakira was attacked by a sea lion over the weekend! The hip-shaking singer was touring Cape Town, South Africa, when she spotted the cute but not-so-cuddly creature nearby. As she bent down to say hello, the animal apparently thought that her cell phone was a fish and sprang out of the water with its teeth out. The sea lion took a bite out of her hand before her brother was able to come to her rescue and pull the two apart. Both humans suffered scraped hands and arms. No word on the sea lion’s condition, but we imagine it’s doing all right.

Shakira posted pictures of her injuries to her Facebook in an album hilariously titled “Special Report: Attacked by a Sea Lion.” In the captions she dramatically recounts the incident in vivid detail. “One of [the sea lions] jumped out of the water so fast and impetuously that it got about one foot away from me, looked me in the eye, roared in fury and tried to bite me,” she wrote. She made sure to thank her brother “Super Tony” for saving her life and “taking me away from the beast.”

Sure, the whole ordeal seems like a freak accident, but animals tango with famous people much more often than you might think. Check out the gallery below for more celebrities who have survived awkward run-ins with wildlife!

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[Photo: Shakira’s Twitter]

by (@hallekiefer)

Justin Bieber Finds New Swagger Coach At The Aquarium

We think we figured out why Justin Bieber’s swagger couch Ryan Good will no long needed. “all u asking..ryan is going to pursue some of his dreams…we encourage him 2 go after his. he will always b a part of this family. always,” Justin’s manager Scooter Braun tweeted earlier today about the departing swag guru. Who needs a swagger coach, however, when you’re chilling at the Georgia Aquarium with a grinning beluga whale? Everyone knows marine mammals are straight-up dripping with swagu. And if it’s a beluga? Game over. Watch while Justin Bieber gets all his hats outfitted with a blow hole opening, then go ahead and shut it down.

by (@hallekiefer)

Ryan Gosling And Chubbo Bulldog Make Movie Magic On The Gangster Squad Set

Well, on one hand you’ll have to start drinking out of pots and pans, now that your ear-splitting squeals shattered all of your glassware. On the other hand, you had a completely appropriate human reaction to these photos of Ryan Gosling playing with a bulldog on the set of The Gangster Squad. He might be costarring next to big names like Gosling and Emma Stone, but that pup deserves top billing for that one crooked tooth alone. He deserves an Oscar for that crook tooth! Sure, we saw Ryan Gosling photos from the movie’s set earlier this week, but somehow adding the fattest, grumpiest-looking bulldog in the world just turns this from a movie…into cinema.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

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by (@hallekiefer)

Ryan Gosling Reveals Details Of Disney’s Homicidal Cat Army

It takes a brave man to speak out about the powers that be, and Ryan Gosling’s Disney cat army story is no different.  “I don’t know if this is true or not and I do not want to get sued by Disney,” the stone-faced Drive actor admits to Conan around the 3:30 minute mark. “There’s a belief that Disney has been breeding an army of cats. Yes, and they’re not just ordinary cats. They have a special set of skills. They’re like Commando Cats, and they live in a barracks. A cat barracks.” According to Gosling, the cats are dispatched into the park to to manage the mouse population, though since we didn’t see a red Mickey-shaped laser light appear on Ryan’s forehead, we’re going to go ahead and take this all with a grain of salt.

Because he now knows The Truth, Gosling has a lot of mixed emotions about Disney’s wide-reaching scheme. “The thing that’s so messed-up about it, and why I hate them, is that the whole empire of Disney is built on the back of one mouse,” says Ryan. Well, Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes went to Disneyland just this month, so it’ll probably take a few more bizarre Disney conspiracy stories before Eva loses interest. Like, thousands upon thousands of bizarre conspiracy stories.

by (@hallekiefer)

White Tigers? Insane Cleavage? Yup, Sounds Like A Kardashian Photo Shoot

We don’t know how we’d feel about being that close to such a gorgeous beast as it slinks around set. Oh, and someone should keep an eye on that tiger too. Heyo! Seriously though, how could we have expected any less from Kim Kardashian’s promo shoot for Keeping Up For the Kardashians Season 6, where the questions “Are there enough pillows?” and “Is the entirety of my rib cage exposed?” always have the same answer: not yet.

Despite Kim’s apparently nervousness, no Kardashians were harmed in the making of these photos (the jury’s still out on the Kardashian’ holiday nightmare.) “I tried posing with the white tiger at our family photo shoot for Keeping Up with the Kardashians season six last week, but I was so scared!!!!,” Kim posted. “The tiger had to get into position on his own! It was freakkkky! He got a little frisky so the trainer had to come help out. This is probably one of the scariest moments I’ve had during a photo shoot.” The scariest moment not including silver body paint, no doubt After the shoot, Kim was safely released back into the wild, the wild for her being just another room that looks exactly like this one.

[Photos: Kim Kardashian’s Blog]

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by (@hallekiefer)

Ryan Gosling Seduces The Animal Kingdom

The entire ecosystem of the planet is doodling “Mrs. Ryan Gosling” in it’s notebook today after  Ryan Gosling visited zoo animals with co-star Evan Rachel Wood. The pair are in Ohio to film The Ides Of March with George Clooney, and Ryan took the time Monday to tenderly show his affection to the okapis, sloths and adorable penguins of the Cincinati Zoo And Botanical Garden. It’s like the beginning of The Lion King, except instead of baby Simba Rafiki’s holding up Ryan’s leather jacket and two tickets to Rango (or whatever movies animals like to see; we aren’t the Dog Whisperer over here).

Not content to romance the animals of the land and air, Gosling took Olivia Wilde to a Cincinnati aquarium to see if his handsomeness transmits through water. Good thing there’s a thick pane of glass between Olivia and those manatees, is all we’re saying. You can check out more photos of Ryan at the zoo over at Best Week Ever. Just be aware that you’re going to have to physically restrain your pets from trying to crawl inside your monitor.

[Photo: The Cincinnati Zoo & Botanical Gardens]

by (@hallekiefer)

The Amazing Hangover Part II Teaser Trailer Drops, Stars Monkey In A Vest

Strap on your satchels and locate your infants; The Hangover Part II teaser trailer is here! Featuring Ed Helms with a Tyson-esque face tattoo and Bradley Cooper smeared with filth, this sneak peek at the gent’s trip to the seedy underbelly of Bangkok for Stu’s wedding is exactly what we dream about when we take our little tiger snooze.

The film, which hits theaters on May 26, looks like it’s in great shape after the whole Mel Gibson being replaced with Liam Neeson Hangover debacle. Other guest stars include Juliette Lewis, Mamie Van Doren and Bill Clinton, as well as Community’s Ken Jeong reprising his role as Mr. Chow. The question in our mind, of course, is which furry, hilarious creature is going to steal the movie this time: Zach Galifianakis or that adorable monkey wearing human clothes? Its little pants are camo!

by (@hallekiefer)

Joel Madden Blindsided By Wedding Elephant

We were already a little iffy about Nicole Richie’s wedding elephant (you can’t tell us that thing didn’t poop EVERYWHERE, you guys), but knowing that Joel Madden didn’t know about the elephant beforehand makes it seem even weirder. “I was like, ‘what?'” said Joel when he first spied the beast. “Then I just laughed- Nicole getting an elephant and not telling me is typical of our relationship.” That’s something you should take to couples counseling, Joel, not brag about to People. Our fiance secretly hiring a circus animal to attend the happiest day of our lives seems like the kind of thing that would give us trust issues.

According to Joel, however, nothing can conquer love, not even a shopping spree at the zoo. Though Madden says he’s usually the “no guy”, he admits “But if there’s one time I want her to have the craziest thing she wants, it’s the day we marry.” That’s drling, though we would still flip out if our beloved pulled anything like that. The only gigantic, stinking animals allowed at our wedding will be those to whom we are directly related, thank you very much.


Tommy Lee Claims Sea World Bad-Touches The Whales

Ever since we saw The Cove, we’ve been pretty down on places like Sea World for the way they treat sea animals in captivity. Turns out Tommy Lee is pretty upset with Sea World too, but for way different reasons that are fascinating and slightly NSFWW (that’s “Not Safe For Whale Work”).

If you’ll recall, an Orca named Tilikum killed a trainer and two other people at Sea World in Orlando, and though the whale is no longer used for entertainment at the park, he is kept in captivity to inseminate other whales. Lee, in conjunction with PETA, fired off a letter to the President of Sea World, writing “We understand that you refuse to release this frustrated whale because he is your chief sperm bank and we know … that the way you get his sperm is by having someone get into the pool and masturbate him with a cow’s vagina filled with hot water. Even during my wildest days with Mötley Crüe, I never could’ve imagined something so sick and twisted.”

We can think of one sick and twisted thing Mötley Crüe would do involving groupies and egg burritos, but that’s not the point.  Sea World denies the claims, saying “Mr. Lee would be wise to spend more time checking his facts.” They also deny that cow vagina is used, so we’re really sorry to whoever it is on the Sea World PR team that was tasked with this story today. “Hard day at work today honey?” “The worst! Stupid Tommy Lee is giving away all our cow-vagina-as-whale-masturbation-aid secrets, so that was a fire that needed putting out. Pass the potatoes.” Check out Lee’s entire graphic, impassioned letter after the jump. Also, please share this story on Twitter by using the hashtag #whalefail, because it would be a tragedy if someone didn’t.

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