We suspect that at this moment there are DJs, MCs, video editors and very smart kids hard at work in their basements/studios to deliver what we crave most: remixes of the latest < strong>Mel Gibson rant, recorded by screenwriter Joe Eszterhas‘ son in Costa Rica in December. The shouts don’t quite include as much vivid imagery as his phone tirades about how Oksana Grigorieva dressed, and we really wish that some of the crazy talk Eszterhas alluded to about the Beatles and the Jews were included in this little recording, obtained by TheWrap.com. But we see some potential in his rhythmic “F—!” repetition. Also, we have a clear contender for the chorus: “Who wants to eat?! Who the f— wants to eat?! Go have something to eat! Hurrrrraaaaayyyyyy!” And if someone can illustrate what it looks like when he pushes over a totem pole, that would be magic. These masterpieces can’t come soon enough.
Just to refresh your memories, here are a few inspired takes on his 2010, um, hook. NSFW, obvs.
As Katy Perry herself would put it, “This is about to get embarrassing.” While visiting BBC Radio 1 yesterday, Perry allegedly took a pot shot at Beyonce. Beyonce, of all divas! According to PopDust, the “Part of Me” singer busted out the insult when describing her rumored song with Rihanna. “We’ve collaborated on a lot of things, but just not songs yet,” Perry explained. “It’s one of those things that’s got so much build up that we have to deliver. I want it to be like that Eurythmics and Aretha Franklin song ‘Sisters Are Doin’ It for Themselves,’ not ‘Beautiful Liar.'” Yup, that’s a burn right there! In case you aren’t as dedicated a Shakira fan as we are, “Beautiful Liar” is the joint Beyonce dropped with the “Hips Don’t Lie” singer in 2007. Why Katy would bring up their duet as an example is a mystery to us. She practically had to blow dust off that song to even start this beef. Don’t eat that beef, Katy! That beef is far too old!
We’re sure Perry didn’t mean her comment to seem so snarky, but seeing as how her zinger comes less than a day after she broke it down with that highly questionable cover of Kanye and Jay-Z “N—-s in Paris,” we’re going to suggest girl take a day off and pull it together before she does something even more cringe-worthy. “…I definitely want to do something that is so iconic,” Perry concluded about her upcoming collabo with RiRi. “Rihanna’s kind of busy too. We’re both busy but we planted the seed two years ago. How disappointed would you be if that song came out and it’s no good? Sometimes you have to wait for greatness.” Yes, you do Katy Perry. Yes, you do. Unless your name is Beyonce, of course. Oh burn! Let yet another beef…begin!
[Photo: Splash News Online]
Hell hath no fury like Ali Landry scorned! The Hollywood Girls Night host has been spilling dirt about her ex-husband Mario Lopez‘s cheating ways during their marriage left and right this week, and the fact they haven’t been together for eight years does not seem to phase her in the slightest. “He did suck, it still does suck. It hurt a lot and he never apologized,” Landry revealed to HuffPo about Lopez’s infidelities, which spurred her to annul their marriage after only two weeks in 2004. “That’s hurtful, when someone you cared about never stepped up to the plate to at least say, “I’m so sorry I did that to you.” But with that said, I had to be even stronger and figure out a way to move forward on my own.” For shame, Mario. Did the fiery feminist spirit of Jessie Spano teach you nothing?
Landry has since remarried to current hubs Alejandro Gomez Monteverde, with whom she had daughter Estela Ines and baby Marcelo Alejandro. So…we guess she just had to get this last bit of bitterness off her chest before she can move on? “I was like, ‘I don’t want to tap a phone! I can’t believe I’m doing this.’ So she did, and right after the honeymoon I started getting phone calls from these girls,” the actress revealed about her doomed relationship with the Live! with Kelly cohost to Wendy Williams last week. “I confronted him and he still – to this day – denied it and never apologized. It was horrible.” But as Ali laughs now, “…I say it every single day. Like, ‘Thank God I’m not with that person. Thank God!’ I’m grateful that happened, really!” Um, yeah…we’ll have to take your word for it, girl.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Jon Hamm has the velvety, masculine voice of an angel formed out of cigar smoke and brandy vapor, but that doesn’t mean he can just use it to talk crazy whenever he wants! For example, when claiming that he just doesn’t measure up to fellow A-listers in the “Hot Face” department. “I don’t necessarily think of myself like the handsome guy. That’s reserved for Brad Pitt and Ryan Reynolds and those guys,” Hamm scoffed to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. “I guess I never really thought of myself that way. I just wanted to be a regular person and try to portray parts as varied as I could.” A regular person! Do you hear yourself right now, Don Draper? Did an alien seize control of your vocal chords this weekend? A regular person. Please.
Less crazy-making, but more groan-inducing, is Hamm’s continuing comments about his beef with Kim Kardashian. Jon, let it go! We all agreed with you the first time around! “I don’t think they were careless; I think they were accurate,” the Friends With Kids actor proclaimed on the Today show this morning in a direct rebuttal to Kardashian’s annoyed tweets. “It’s a part of our culture that I certainly don’t identify with, and I don’t really understand the appeal of it other than in a sort of car crash sensibility, and it’s not something that I partake in or enjoy, but it is what it is, and here we are.” Between this and the Ryan Reynolds comment, Jon, we might have to watch the new season of Mad Men with the sound-off. Sure, sometimes we do that anyway, but you get our point!
[Photo: Getty Images]
At this rate, the Nicki Minaj vs. Lil Kim beef could keep us entertained for years to come. The feuding hip-hop ladies both released singles this week, and Kim stopped by Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live, ostensibly to promote hers, “If You Love Me.” Of course, fellow guest Willie Geist asked what Kim thought of the Grammy performance by a “hip-hop artist who kind of rips off your style”? “Who?” Kim asked, sarcastically saying that it “slipped past” her. But then when host Andy Cohen said viewers sent in a number of questions about Nicki’s “Stupid Hoe” — assumed to be a direct dis of Kim — the Queen Bee got a little more direct.
“I’m pretty sure I feel the same way everybody else feels right about now,” she began. “If you have to make a song called ‘Stupid Hoe,’ you must be a stupid ho.” (And if you release a mixtape showing yourself sitting beside the disembodied head of your rival, what does that make you? Hmmm.)
In non-beef news, Kim shared a very sweet story about sitting next to Whitney Houston on an airplane and getting her ear talked off by the late diva.
Related: Nicki Minaj’s Grammys Performance: What Did You Think?
[Photos: Splash News Online, Getty Images]
Oh, this is awkward. Elton John’s husband David Furnish feels so sorry for those comments he made about Madonna‘s Golden Globes win for Best Original Song earlier this week. Well…Furnish feels so something, that’s for sure. “”Best song??? F— off!!!,” Furnish initially raged after Madge’s song “Masterpiece” snatched the award instead of John’s “Hello, Hello.” David ranted, “Her acceptance speech was embarrassing in it’s narcissism.” On one hand, David is way too attached to the world’s critical response to Elton’s film Gnomeo & Juliet. On the other hand, LOL.
Today Furnish addressed his comments while not technically admitting they were wrong. “My comments regarding The Golden Globes have been blown way out of proportion. My passion for our film Gnomeo & Juliet and belief in Elton’s song really got my emotional juices going,” David posted to Facebook. “But I must say for the record that I do believe Madonna is a great artist, and that Elton and I wish her all the best for next week’s premiere of the film W.E.” David’s passion for their film Gnomeo & Juliet knows no bounds and permits no allegiances, Madonna. We and David Furnish have at least that one thing in common.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Amber Rose is our kind of vengeful ex. Even when she tries to walk back her comments branding Kim Kardashian a homewrecker, she still manages to call Kim Kardashian a homewrecker. “I don’t like to call women names, because I’m about women empowerment,” the model and singer told MTV’s RapFix this week when asked about statements blaming Kim for Amber’s breakup with Kanye West. “I spoke on my emotions that day — I was just so frustrated.” Actually, that’s pretty mature when you think about and…oh, wait, here comes the burn. “Kim is the home wrecker, I’m not the home wrecker. I don’t date men in relationships; I don’t do that to other women,” fumed Amber, denying that she subsequently demolished Kim’s relationship with ex Reggie Bush. Can’t you just pretend that’s why you dated him, Amber? What? Can’t we live vicariously though a beautiful femme fatale who somehow looks that good in a raccoon hat? Like you weren’t thinking the exact same thing!
While Amber might feel a little remorse ripping on Kim in public, that guilty does not extend to the Kardashian family at large. “I feel like Kim and her family, they manipulate the media and they want people to believe what they want them to believe,” Amber explains. “I just had to put the truth out there and I had to get it off my chest.” Amber then took a Louisville slugger to both head lights, slashed a hole in all four tires and then made three snaps in a Z formation until she dislocated her shoulder…like a boss.
Amber Rose truly regrets the fact that she called Kim Kardashian a “homewrecker” last week for allegedly hooking up with Kanye West while he and Rose were still a couple. Don’t get her wrong, Kim definitely is a homewrecker; Amber is just so, so sorry she actually said it out loud. “I actually feel bad that I called [Kim] a homewrecker … ’cause that was kind of mean,” the model and singer told TMZ, adding “I forgive her … and I forgive Kanye too … it’s not a big deal, you know?” Sure! We often bring up our exes’ infidelities to the press for that exact reason. Because it’s such a teeny, tiny insignificant deal! Haha! Stop judging us.
Of course, since Amber is currently canoodling with Wiz Khalifa, we imagine it might be time for girlfriend to just get over it. Or at least pretend to in public. “I’m not a mean-spirited person,” Amber insisted. “I just acted on my emotions when I said it.” Now the more important question for Kim is: Does it count as being a homewrecker if you wreck your own home? Talk amongst yourselves.
It’s only a matter of time before Matt Damon gets into politics, isn’t it? Just give him a few more years to get rid of that baby face and he’s going to go all Alec Baldwin on us, minus that unsettling airplane incident.Â In the meantime, Damon has been sharpening his claws on President Obama‘s pant leg. Metaphorically-speaking. “I’ve talked to a lot of people who worked for Obama at the grassroots level. One of them said to me, ‘Never again. I will never be fooled again by a politician,'” Damon gripes in a new interview for Elle Magazine. “You know, a one-term president with some balls who actually got stuff done would have been, in the long run of the country, much better.” Whoa, Matt! Them’s genital-related fighting words!
Apparently not a fan of the Commander-in-Chief, Damon made similarly critical remarks last March while at a junket for The Adjustment Bureau, saying of Obama, â€œI think heâ€™s rolled over to Wall Street completely. The economy has huge problems. We still have all these banks that are too big to fail.â€ Don’t worry, Matt. Soon enough the country will be able to benefit from all the political knowledge you gained from starring in We Bought a Zoo. Soon enough.
[Photo: Getty Images/]
Hot celebrity beef, coming right up! Given the ratings earned by her new film Jack and Jill this weekend, Katie Holmes is probably already having a rough couple of days. So why not sprinkle a fight with Oasis’ Noel Gallagher on top to really make things extra special? “We literally bumped into that top Scientologist Katie Holmes on the way into the studio. We came out of the lift and BANG, there she was,” Gallagher posted on his blog, after spotting the actress on the way out of a David Letterman taping. Mentioning Katie’s religion right before complaning about her? Let us check on the beef, because we think it’s almost ready to get served.
Noel proceeded to air Katie out, ranting that she seemed peeved that his friend was taping her. “She did look a bit miffed at the various North-West accents and some vigorous handshaking, but there was no need to send one of her people over to demand the video be deleted!!!!” Gallagher whined. “Un-fuckin’-believable.” Now that Oasis is defunct, we’re assuming Noel just wanders the earth until he physically plows into another famous person to fight. How else can you explain why this run-in turn into a show down? How else can you explain Noel’s brief feud with Jay-Z? The man craves beef, and beef he shall have!