Kanye Will Not Grace The Today Show Stage With His Presence, Thanks A LOT, Matt Lauer

We always thought the Today Show was a benign, inoffensive morning program, but it has been in the news so many times in the past two weeks, we’re starting to think they’re pulling some kind of ratings stunt. Namely because of this never-ending George Bush-Kanye West-Matt Lauer debacle that will not die.  (Sorry, Good Morning America, you need to start up some beefs of your own if you want us to care about you.) As a result of Dishing-It-Out-But-Not-Taking-It-itis, West is refusing to perform as scheduled on the Today Show‘s November 26 episode.

To recap, first, Bush told Matt Lauer that what Kanye said after Hurricane Katrina about how W doesn’t care about black people was the worst thing to happen during his presidency.  So then Kanye told Lauer he was sorry. Then Bush told Lauer he accepted the apology. Yes, a separate interview for each moment of this ridiculous, five-year-old non-issue. But it’s not over! Because Kanye is upset (perhaps you read his Twitter rants?) that the program ran distracting footage of Taylor Swift-gate during his interview and West says he felt like Lauer “tried to force my answers.” So because Kanye feels used, last night he Tweeted “I’m not performing on the Today Show for obvious reasons. I’m so happy the world got to see just a small piece of “the set up.” West also wrote “All positive energy … all smiles. Much love to Matt and the whole Today Show. I accept ya’ll future apology in advance LOL!”

The Today Show confirms that the gig is canceled, but Lauer has not responded personally because, LOL, he’s smart enough not to get into Twitter fights with a guy like Kanye.

by (@hallekiefer)

Jay-Z Says MC Hammer Is “Going To Be Embarrassed,” Even More So Than Usual!


The most random hip-hop beef ever continues today as Jay-Z responds to MC Hammer’s music video insults, saying Hammer’s “going to be embarrassed.” You’re about 20 years too late for that, Jay! Oh wait…you mean embarrassed by his recent insane video or by his entire career? NEITHER?!?!

In an interview about his upcoming memoir Decoded, Jay-Z laughed, “He’s going to be embarrassed, I said some really great things about him in the book … It is what it is. He took it the wrong way.” Given that Jay-Z used his verse on Kanye’s song So Appalled to rap about how “Hammer went broke”, we’re pretty sure that the angry MC took it the exact right way.  Then again, those giant gold medallions didn’t buy themselves, now did they, Hammer…?

In the end though, Jay-Z doesn’t seem all that apologetic about his crack. Surprised that Hammer would mind being made fun of by a rap superstar in song, Jay-Z said, “I didn’t know that [topic] wasn’t on the table for discussion.” Oh, it is definitely still on the table. It is on the table next to a huge pile of shimmery purple harem pants, where it’s always been. And always will be.


MC Hammer Tries To Have A Beef With Jay-Z

Is there any cry for help so loud as the one made by a washed-up pop star? Usually it comes in the form of a reality game show appearance or a cameo in a TV movie, but it’s always sad. At least we can give points for originality to MC Hammer, who is trying to make a comeback by creating a beef with the world’s most successful musicians.

Hammer feels slighted by Jay-Z because Jay rapped the lyric “Hammer went broke” on Kanye West‘s single “So Appalled.” Um, thing is, he did go broke, it’s not like that was some kind of slander. Generally, when one gold-plates their entire home, they tend to go bankrupt. But in response, Hammer (now calling himself King Hammer) came out with a new rap of his own, called “Better Run Run” and the video features a Jay-Z lookalike who’s being chased by the devil and has lyrics like “Devil said, ‘Imma give you the world’ / ‘I’ll take it, plus give me a girl’ / ‘Mr. Devil, can you give me a sign’ / He said, ‘Throw the Roc up, that’s one of mine.” Then Hammer, an ordained minister in real life, baptizes Fake Jay, absolving  him of his “sins.” We’re not sure if this manufactured beef will sell more albums or even elicit a response from Jay-Z, but it certainly is doing the trick as far as getting people talking about MC Hammer again.

by (@hallekiefer)

Sarah Palin Criticizes Obama For Appearing On The View

palin-crazy-550rnrnWhichever intern was hired to manage Sarah Palin’s Twitter account has been working overtime this week, logging the former governor’s responses to President Obama’s appearance on The View. Palin tweeted, “President with no time to visit porous US/Mexican border to offer help to those risking life to secure us, but lotso’ time to chat on The View?” Yes, Sarah, the last time we read the job description for P.O.T.U.S., we DEFINITELY remember the bulletpoint about having to personally stand guard in Arizona with a butterfly net trying to snag undocumented immigrants as they sprint in plain sight over the border.rnrnContinued Palin, “I’m headed to border in near future… let’s see how quickly his travel schedule will allow that border visit after all.” Well, thank god! Hopefully any Mexican people trying to sneak illegally into the U.S. will see Sarah Palin standing triumphantly in the middle of the desert and be like, “O right, that fruit cake. Never mind; we’ll see ourselves out.” Let’s hope that Palin is able to squeeze in a visit soon, since her busy schedule is currently packed with the most American activity of all: going camping with Kate Gosselin for a reality show!rnrn[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Leonardo DiCaprio Drops Out of Mel Gibson Movie, Wisely

61104415rnrnAccording to a report by Radar Online, Leonardo DiCaprio has dropped out of an upcoming Mel Gibson-directed movie because, well, duh! DUH. Let us put it this way: one does not stand next to an erupting volcano just because the volcano won the Academy Award for Best Director in 1996, if you get our drift. And Leonardo DiCaprio has not become the fabulously well-to-do star of Inception by associating oneself with anyone who acts like a super-racist version of the Hulk. At least not in public, anyway. That we know of. rnrnThe unnamed movie, set to begin filming this fall, would reportedly depict Viking civilization in a manner similar to Apocalypto, as well as put Gibson in terrifying proximity to large spiked weapons like maces and battle axex. Given Mel’s recent lunacy, we also imagine it might be difficult for DiCaprio to channel the spirit of a noble Viking when the director is screaming “I’ll put you in the f***ing rose garden!” at the craft service people before being tased by security. Every day. rnrnIgnoring the inevitable difficulties that would arise when a film being directed by an individual currently embroiled in domestic abuse and child endangerment charges, we applaud DiCaprio for not just rolling his eyes and holing up in his trailer between takes in order to get that paycheck. The industry needs to do something so that human werewolves like Gibson learn they can’t abuse their power in such horror ways. Also, did anyone even see Apocalypto? We rest our case.rnrn[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@unclegrambo)

Akon Thinks Christina Aguilera Should Stop Copying Lady Gaga


When Christina Aguilera debuted her new single, “Not Myself Tonight,” last month, the song’s bouncy, club-friendly rhythms and warm embrace of behind-the-velvet-rope-style decadence stoked the still warm embers of her beef with Lady Gaga. Now, noted child shot-putter Akon is adding fuel to this potentially explosive fire in an interview with VIBE, firmly placing himself on Team Gaga:

“I miss the old Christina Aguilera. I like the old one better than the new one. Honestly, Gaga and Christina could probably get together and do something that’s amazing. But that’s impossible if they are both trying to do the same exact thing musically … I just think [Aguilera] just needs to believe in herself more. I think sometimes she gets insecure because of all of the success Gaga has had not realizing that she was already successful before Gaga came out.”

It’s important to note that Akon has a vested interest in seeing Gaga succeed; after all, he was the one who convinced Interscope boss Jimmy Iovine to sign the pop diva in the first place, which means he most likely takes home a percentage of her earnings. At the same time, this is neither the first nor likely the last time that Aguilera has been accused of copping Gaga’s wildly successful style.

What do you think, FABLifers? Are the musical sounds of these two, petite blondes too close for your comfort, or is there enough room on the Top 20 Charts for both of them? Are you on Team Gaga or Team X-Tina? Can’t we all just get along?

[Photos: GettyImages]