Today is Paris Hilton‘s 29th birthday. We know, we were kinda surprised too. It seems like just yesterday we were wondering “WTF” at pictures of Paris celebrating her 21st birthday at Studio 54, in a backless dress (that started at her butt crack) with her then-fiance Jason Shaw on her arm. What followed was a Legion-like onslaught on the media by one stupid-yet-savvy heir-head. For years we drowned in a Paris-saturated world; her baby voice, wonk eye, and dog army were inescapable. But America has moved on. We lived through it. We may still be in debt, fighting two wars, and not have national health care, but – god damn it! – we survived Paris Hilton.
So happy birthday Paris. Hope you take a minute to toast your descent into obscurity today. Don’t forget to say hi to Lindsay and Mischa for us when you get there.
Here are pictures of Paris on a yacht in Brazil last week, desperately seeking attention. So throw her a bone and give her some. It is her birthday, after all.
Regrets, Jon Gosselin has a few. But we’re guessing Hailey Glassman‘s cover story in next week’s Steppin’ Out Magazine won’t make him regret splitting with the party girl so much as dating her in the first place. “Hailey isn’t shy in her interview inside the magazine, either,” we’re promised. “She discusses Jon’s various shortcomings: his personality disorder, his dishonesty and his penis.” Dear Lord. Here’s hoping he doesn’t fight back with a “JUDGE THIS, HATERS!” cover of his own.
While anyone would be upset about (allegedly) being framed for robbery by her ex, this display isn’t exactly how one maintains their dignity. Not that dignity will have any place at her upcoming 23rd birthday bash at Quo nightclub. “Black out or get out,” she posted in a mass Facebook invite, according to Life & Style. “Come out and party for my 23rd. I may be turning 23, but I feel like 32. Come help me remember what it’s like to be 23, aka young and fabulous again.” Here’s hoping she wears that fabulous leopard-print top.
[Photo: Steppin’ Out Magazine via HuffPo]
We’ve always known Brooklyn Decker modeled, but we’ve mostly admired her work as her husband Andy Roddick‘s biggest fan, especially her cool composure court-side during his epic battle against Roger Federer in the Wimbledon finals this past summer. But the 23-year-old model is about to break out as a huge star, as she’s just been named the 2010 cover girl for Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.
The news was announced last night, and Brooklyn tweeted that she cried three different times as family members kept showing up to surprise her. Awww, what a sweet, emotional, sexy, steamy gal. More of Brooklyn below. [Photo: Walter Iooss Jr./Sports Illustrated]
We get it, Jennifer Aniston. While your age is increasing in numbers, your body is living the Benjamin Button dream, getting younger and younger looking as time ticks on. The actress and her A-List clique (Courteney Cox, Sheryl Crow, Gerard Butler) toasted her 41st year by relaxing their toned bodies poolside in Mexico. They all looked fit and fabulous, like only millionaires can. Jealous awaits you in the gallery below. [Photo: SplashNewsOnline]
Ah, the Lingerie Bowl – America’s most treasured annual sporting event. As you already know, surely, each year the finest females in the country gather to play football in lacy lingerie while millions of men and their disgruntled wives look on via Pay-Per-View.
We can’t really even pretend to feign interest in the Lingerie Bowl – we barely make it through the Super Bowl (we lump ourselves into the “Yay! Cool commercials!” group) as it is. But bikini pictures are bikini pictures, and surely someone will want to stare for seconds, minutes even, at the above picture of a woman tossing a football in a way that makes it looks like it’s coming out of her butt. Ah, America.
Here’s something you never wanted to know about us: in addition to blogging about celebrity meltdowns, we also are certified to teach yoga. So imagine our delight when we discovered these pictures of Cameron Diaz getting her om on in the Caribbean (we were delighted). The thing is, that while Cam sure looks bangin’ contorting her body in her signature string bikini, she’s doin’ the yoga part all wrong. Let this be a message to all celebrities: just because you’re good at looking beautiful doesn’t mean you’re good at everything.
Check out pics of Cameron showing off some skin – and balancing skills – in the gallery below, along with our tips on how she can improve her yoga practice. Namaste.
[Photo: Splash News Online]
Kim Kardashian always takes a good bikini pic, but these untouched images from a recent photoshoot, which she posted on Twitter, have our envy meter working overtime. Kim looks amazing, which is surely why she dropped the photos on the web for all to see – to taunt us pasty, gym-shy, Double-Stuffed Crust addicts and send us off into the weekend drowning in a sea of body shame.
As if that wasn’t enough, Kim felt the need to add her own commentary. “HOT HOT HOT!” she wrote. “Not even retouched yet!”
We’ll admit that while we’re jealous of Kim’s perfect 10 look, we mostly just admire her confidence. We like a lady who owns it, especially when ‘it’ is curvy, healthy and fit (as opposed to bony, emaciated, and hungry). For all the sexy photos she tweets, there’s normally something about eating junk food to go along with it (“I am tweeting from the plane. I love this! They just gave us 2 die 4 ice cream sundae!”). Carry on, Kim. [Photo: Kim’s Twitter]
Looks like “The City” star Whitney Port has fled chilly NYC for sunny Miami. She spent yesterday afternoon hangin’ poolside at the Fontainebleau Miami Beach Resort, chatting on her phone and posing for photos with fans. It’s not just the sunshine in these pics that make us jealous. [Photo: Splash News Online]
We showed you Kim Kardashian‘s sexy OK! cover last week, but now you can see the sizzling inside photos of Kim prancing around the beach in different skimpy bikinis. Kim’s tough day at work took place in the Bahamas, where she showed off her post-Quick Trim body that is supposedly 15 pounds smaller than before. Check out our gallery of Kim’s photo shoot!
Rihanna and her new man Matt Kemp just can’t get enough of each other! The lovebirds spent another romantic day out on a yacht in Mexico, where Riri showed off her killer physique in a sexy black bikini. While the paparazzi snapped away, Matt took out his camera to get his own photos of his new lady love as she relaxed and toasted to the new year with a Corona. After a rough 2009, it looks like 2010 is off to a great start for the singer! [Photos: Splash News Online]