Books

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Kara DioGuardi Is Writing A Memoir For Some Reason

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America’s fifth-favorite American Idol judge, Kara DioGuardi, is writing a memoir. Why? Who knows! We’ve given up trying to understand anything Kara does or says.

Radar Online reports that the songwriter/judge/fan of sparkle makeup in her cleavage has written a memoir called A Helluva High Note: Surviving Life, Love, And American Idol which will be released on April 26, 2011. (Pending any copyright infringement issues she may have to deal with from the Helluva Good Cheese people, obviously.) The book is meant to “inspire others to take chances and succeed” while also possibly revealing what life is like when you work with Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul and have bikini sing-offs for a living. We look forward to seeing this book in Barnes And Noble bargain bins for years to come.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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The Hunger Games’ Best Fan-Made Videos

A film adaptation of The Hunger Games trilogy is slowly being figured out in Hollywood, but the series has some really intense fans, ourselves included, who just can’t wait for these movies. To the point where we’re dying to know who will star in the films and we’re not shy about throwing our own Hunger Games cast picks out there. (Let us know if you agree with our choices!) But some fans are even more intense, going so far as to film scenes and trailers for the non-existent films. And some of these fan-made videos are pretty awesome. The video above is hands-down our favorite, since it contains one of the most moving scenes from the first book, featuring the narrator, Katniss Everdeen, and her fellow fight-to-the-death competitor, Rue. Not only is it amazingly shot, but these unknown actors are fantastic and we think they deserve an audition for the real film. Spoilers abound, so be warned if you haven’t read the books yet! For more impressive fan videos, click ahead.

Read more…

by (@JordanRuntagh)

The Situation To Release “Bible For Situation Nation”, A.K.A. New Jersey

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Wanna get abs like Jersey Shore star Mike Sorrentino? Well, he doubts that’s possible. But he still thinks you should shell out some cash for his new book, Here’s The Situation, which hits shelves on November 2nd. It promises to be an indispensable guide “to creeping on chicks, avoiding grenades and getting your GTL.” Makes a great gift for the whole family!

We’ll let Mike take it from here: “Do you really think your situation is where it needs to be? Be honest with yourself, bro. This book here will take your game to a level thought unattainable given your physical limitations (because we can’t all look like Rambo, pretty much, with our shirt off).” Ouch, The Situation. That one hurt.

But it’s not all steroids by the handful strict and intensive workout routines. The Sitch also helps you get in touch with your/his sensitive side. He tells you how to find the perfect life partner, and shows you how to spoil them with a perfect lasagna dinner. He even spills on how you can become “one of the most famous people on the planet-which is guaranteed if you follow my advice.” All this in just 144 pages!

After Snooki‘s pickle pancakes, perhaps she’ll follow suit with a cookbook: “The Joy Of Gherkins”.

[Photo: Gotham Publishing]

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Muggles Rejoice! J.K. Rowling Tells Oprah That Harry Potter May Not Be Finished

Okay, we don’t want to get TOO excited because this is a big, Hagrid-sized MAYBE, but J.K. Rowling revealed to Oprah Winfrey today that she is still has additional chapters of the Harry Potter story to tell. Rowling told O, “I could definitely write an eighth, ninth, tenth [book].” Which is about where we passed out with excitement. But then she continued, “I’m not going to say I won’t. I don’t think I will … I feel I am done, but you never know.” Rowling said that she felt “bereaved” upon finishing The Deathly Hallows and concluded the series. So did we, J.K.! Yes, we’re adults but we’ve been hard-pressed to find a more satisfying series to read since finishing Harry.

While the Potter series wrapped up fairly neatly, to the point where we got a glimpse of Harry, Ron and Hermione’s adult futures in the epilogue leaving little else to be imagined, we would eagerly devour any additional books that Rowling added to the series. Heck, we think she should write her own fan fiction, telling one-off little stories about Hogsmeade and Hermione’s Muggle parents, we’d still find it all thrilling.

by (@missmuttoo)

Snooki Is Becoming An Author, We’re Drooling In Anticipation

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There is absolutely no other way to say this other than straight up. Snooki is writing a book. And we’re going to buy a copy as soon as it’s out. We’re going to buy copies for our friends and our family too, to spread the love.

The enchanting fictional tale of finding love is going to be called A Shore Thing, and will be released next year. Basically, it’s Snooki looking for her perfect guido, but don’t tell anybody.  Snooks is super stoked about this slurring saying, “I’m pumped to announce to my fans a project that I’ve been working on for some time. This book will have you falling in love at the shore. It’s ‘A Shore Thing!” We’re telling you, this guidette is going to take over the world. You can’t ignore her. You might as well love her!

[Photo: Splash News Online]

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New Book Alleges That Paris Stashes Her Drugs In A Very Special Carry-On…Down There

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Luggage, luggage everywhere, and yet none of it’s suitable to hide your stash, especially when you’re flying commercial. Such is the ordeal that faces Paris Hilton when she travels. Hilton, seen here coming home from the World Cup, has been caught with drugs quite a few times this summer – in South Africa and Corsica with marijuana, in Las Vegas with coke that looks like gum. But what about all the times she’s traveled and not been busted? Well, a new book explains just how the heiress conceals illegal substances when she travels…and it’s not pretty.

Author Ryan Simkin, a former employee of professional creep and Hilton ex Joe Francis, wrote a tell-all about the Girls Gone Wild creator, and has a pretty amazing story about Paris in there, explaining how she hides her drugs. The book, subtly titled FLASH! Bars, Boobs, and Busted: 5 Years on the Road with Girls Gone Wild was excerpted in Gawker today and contains the following passage, explaining how Hilton planned to travel with a cigarette box full of cocaine and ecstasy:

I took out the Camel box and handed it to her, and she thanked me. We talked for a minute or two about the apparent difficulty of procuring those drugs in Europe. I asked if she was flying private, and she said, “No, commercial.” And then as politely as I could, I asked her how she planned on traveling with that amount of blow and X. She held the box in her right hand, and then with an underhand swoop like a lower case J, she demonstrated exactly how she intended to beat airport security. She even whistled as she did it. A little alley-oop with the Camel Box, straight up her snatch.

Yup, there she is just sticking a rigid box full of drugs right up herself. In a way we’re not shocked. Well, not shocked that there’s room up there, anyway. We doubt  that her vagina is the smallest room the Hilton hotel chain offers, given the amount of travelers it’s seen. What’s shocking is the amount of confidence Paris has in this story, if it’s to be believed. Because if she was caught traveling with that many hardcore drugs inside herself, there’s really no one else she could blame this on, as is her usual m.o.

Do you believe that Paris would be this bold and stupid, or is this just a story fabricated to sell books? It’s a good thing the TSA is rolling out those full body scanners soon, huh?

[Photo: Paris Hilton's TwitPic]

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New Book Claims John Travolta Loves Cheating On Kelly Preston With Men

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Well this isn’t great news to break while you’re expecting a new baby: a new book claims that John Travolta has cheated on Kelly Preston repeatedly with men throughout their nineteen-year marriage. The book is entitled “You’ll Never Spa In This Town Again” so take these claims with a grain of salt scrub, we guess, because the author, Robert Randolph, says that Travolta’s indiscretions are the stuff of legend. Says Randolph “John Travolta has been cheating on Kelly for years! And when the details emerge, he’s gonna make Tiger Woods look like a boy scout.” Well, that can’t be good.

The Travolta gay rumors have persisted for years, as have the rumors that Scientology is just a brainwashing attempt to “turn” people in denial straight, and Travolta is level five Thetan or whatever – basically he’s a black belt in Scientology. But a book about a secret gay spa subculture (seriously!) which brazenly makes accusations against someone as famous as Travolta is big.  One thing making this rumor appear more fact than fiction: a photo that the National Enquirer has of Travolta kissing another man. No word on whether Travolta will sue over the allegations like fellow Scientologist Tom Cruise did when he was accused of having a gay affair a few years ago, but one this is for sure: if this story’s true, our minds will apparently not be the only things that have been blown.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

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Jude Law’s Ex Releasing Tell-All Memoir Called “Crazy Days”

Jude Law was married to Sadie Frost for six years. Then he left her for Sienna Miller. Then he cheated on Sienna with the nanny. Then he got back together with Sienna. And all the while, Sadie Frost has been penning her memoir where she dishes about everything. Frost’s book, entitled “Crazy Days” focuses on her depression and contains passages where she details her crippling mental state and a failed suicide attempt. In the book, she writes “I watched my hand slowly pick up a pair of scissors. It was as if I was being sucked down lower into the chair and the scissors seemed to be drawn to my arm. I appeared to have cut myself. Blood dripped down my arm. There was no sense of panic within me – I just felt empty.” Yikes. And we thought Celebrity Ghost Stories made us feel uncomfortable.

Law had demanded that all passages of the book that contained details of their marriage be removed from the book but he settled in court and it does appear that the book contains passages about their life together and subsequent breakup. So if you’re in the mood for a summer beach read that not only satiate your celebrity gossip needs but also shed some light on post-partum depression (but is not penned by Brooke Shields), pick up a copy of “Crazy Days”. But if you want to look at gross pictures of Jude Law and Sienna Miller making out, just keep reading TheFABLife.

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Justin Bieber’s Memoir Is No Longer Just A Fantasy, It’s Really Happening

A lot of people have accomplished great things by the time they hit 16. Doogie Howser. Joan of Arc. And of course, Justin Bieber. But lest you think he’s just a pop singing sensation, think again. Bieber is going to publish a memoir to be released in October, but it’s not just any memoir. It’s going to be illustrated. That’s likely because most of his fans are still of the age where they prefer picture books. The book’s title is Justin Bieber: First Step 2 Forever: My Story. We’re assuming, based on the title, that he’s going to discuss his love of colons, but we’d also appreciate chapters devoted to his bangs, his Twitter account, and how not to ride a Segway. The book will also include never-before-seen pictures of Biebs as a kid, which makes us think the real word for this isn’t so much “memoir” as it is “Mama Bieber’s old photo albums.”

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This Is How You Promote A Book

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Who needs things like a masters in creative writing or a passing familiarity with the phrase “keyboard home keys” with boobs like that? We’re certain Katie Price, ahem, author Katie Price has neither, and that’s not stopping her from plugging her new book. Price, famous in England for being a model formerly known as Jordan and ex-wife of singer Peter Andre, has written a novel called Paradise, which may be the only novel in the history of ever to get a Bedazzled bathing suit manufactured for it’s release.

Shockingly enough, this is not Katie’s first book, she’s also written two autobiographies (one for each boob, we guess?), three other novels, and several children’s books. Surprising, until you realize that they were all ghostwritten and then it all falls into place. Still, it’s hard to care about pesky things like plot development and richly constructed characters in a book when you get a prologue like this.

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[Photos: Getty Images]