Breakups

As if going through a very public divorce from wife Madonna wasn’t bad enough, Guy Ritchie has something else to contend with: her fans. In two recent incidents, the director has been attacked verbally and nearly physically by Madge’s legion of dedicated fans, one of which was wielding a knife.

While drinking in his pub The Punchbowl this weekend, the first fan approached Ritchie, ranting about his break-up. “He got a drink and started shouting about being a Madonna fan and ranting about the divorce,” said British tabloid The Sun. The fan allegedly continued to shout about having connections to the CIA before he was hauled off by the police.

In the second more serious attempt, Ritchie’s film set was invaded by a 16-year-old boy, screaming “I’m Madonna’s biggest fan!” and “I’m gonna kill Guy.” The boy, who was carrying a knife, was restrained by four security guards and arrested. [DListed; Photo: Getty]

Poor old Sienna Miller. No, seriously! Reports are claiming that her romance with married father-of-four Balthazar Getty has hit the rocks, with him stalling on his divorce and she moving back to London for a cooling-off period.

Sigh. You’d think after enduring public vilification for months over your relationship, being held up as a homewrecker, hounded by paparazzi (so much that you’re now suing one of them), you’d at the very least have chosen the right bloke to go through this for. But it looks like Sienna’s knack for choosing dodgy men has struck again. She’s done the gorgeous film star who turned out to be a balding cheater who was shagging the nanny (Jude Law), the rough diamond who turned out to be a bit of an emotional liability (Rhys Ifans) and now she’s been lumbered with the “my wife doesn’t understand me like you do, oh yes, let’s get together, hang on a minute maybe we shouldn’t rush into things I have to think of the children” cliché.

While we totally understand that Balthazar doesn’t want to be based over in London as it’s too far away from his kids, maybe he should have thought of that before banging someone other than his wife? Just a thought. [Source: Sunday Mirror, Photo: Splash News Online]

We are so confused about the daily twists and turns in the Guy and Madonna saga, we don’t know who’s the baddy or the goody anymore (hey, we like to have easily identifiable characters in a divorce. Paul McCartney = good, Heather Mills = bad. Christie Brinkley = good. That older bloke who shagged a teenager = bad!). But suffice to say, as more and more stories are deliberately leaked to the press are dug up by Britain’s unscrupulous tabloid papers, it sounds like that marriage was a very miserable place to be.

Witness the latest salvo dished out about Madonna’s control-freakery: a marriage contract specifying amongst others, how often they should do it and what exciting exploits they should get up to on evenings together. …

“It stated that Guy had to ‘work to enrich his wife’s emotional and spiritual wellbeing’ and ordered him to devote several hours a week to reading Kabbalah texts with Madge. It even had instructions on what words Guy should use during rows ‘to resolve conflicts in a constructive way.’ Guy, 40, was instructed never to shout at Madge, 50, but instead look her in the eye and say: ‘I understand that my actions have upset you, please work with me to resolve this.’ The marriage rules said both parties must … ‘not use sex as a stick to beat one another,’” according to The Sun.

Our favorite bit is when they claim Madonna says, ‘Contract, Guy, contract’ whenever he naughtily broke any of the rules. Love it. We can’t wait till this saying hits the streets. …

We’re very proud that since 2005, it’s been legal for gay couples in the UK to take part in civil partnership ceremonies — essentially giving them the same rights and responsibilities as married couples. Among the celebrity couples who took advantage of this were the right royal Elton John and David Furnish, and (Scandalist‘s most futile crush) actor John Barrowman and partner Scott Gill. Among these were Little Britain star Matt Lucas, who wed his boyfriend Kevin McGee in a celebrity-packed ceremony in 2006.

But sadly, it’s all come to an end, with the couple divorcing today in London’s High Court, after a recent split. Matt signed up law firm Mischon De Reya to represent him, which handled Sir Paul McCartney’s millions in the Heather Mills divorce.

It’s heartening to know that whether gay or straight, we’ve all got the same interests when it comes to a breakup, which can be summarised as: GET THAT B*STARD’S HANDS OFF OUR CASH. Ahem. [Photo: Splash News Online]

It’s been rumored, and denied, then rumored some more for ages now, but British newspapers have now gone on the record to confirm that Madonna and Guy Ritchie are about announce their divorce. Yes, one of the least likely pairings in showbiz, which saw Madonna pretend to like sipping bitter in a pub and develop a strange London/Michigan hybrid accent, and Guy pretend he didn’t mind having his career eclipsed by Madonna’s, has proved that it’s not going to last the course.

“It’s very sad. They were a great couple and brilliant parents. They just couldn’t live together any more,” a source told The Sun. “Despite huge attempts to patch things up they both knew deep down that divorce was on the cards. It wasn’t a matter of ‘if’ but ‘when’. They tried hard over the last few months but their fighting was getting out of control.”

Madge was said to have wanted to keep the split on hold until after her Sticky and Sweet tour, but despite public shows of unity at Guy’s RocknRolla premiere, things have become untenable between them — including rows over Madonna’s plans to adopt another baby. Guy’s now set to fly back from France and collect his things from their Marylebone house and move into their Wiltshire mansion.

“He’s a really nice guy. I don’t think there are many blokes who can keep her happy. She’s famous for her reinvention, and it looks like Guy’s just another chapter in that reinvention,” Sun showbiz editor Gordon Smart told breakfast show GM:TV this morning.

It’s unclear at the moment what’s going to happen to their three children — Lourdes, Rocco and David Banda — but if we know Madonna at all (and we think we do. It keeps us happy, OK?), we’ll focus on the positive and look forward to the emotional, angry, sad “split album” in 2010. [Photo: WireImage]