One on hand, LOL. On the other hand, ugh. On the tan hand, doesn’t a Snooki/Tanning Mom beef make so much sense, it seems like we made it up solely for your delight? Better slip on your shades then, because mere days after New Jersey mom Patricia Krentcil was put on Internet trial (The Internet: our judge, jury and executioner) for allegedly taking her daughter tanning with her, the teeniest, most pregnant Jersey Shore star ripped into her for what she declared to be bad parenting. “That b—h is crazy,” Snooki raged to Extra‘s Mario Lopez, “you are not supposed to take kids there. Everyone knows you are NOT supposed to take kids there.” Adults who are the same height as kids, well, that is a completely different thing entirely!
So of course Krentcil fired back a response today calling Snooki out for her comments. “She’s the biggest a–hole in the world. She’s fake, she’s fat, her t–s are fake, she’s disgusting,” the internet sensation raged to TMZ. “When this is all said and done, I’d like to meet up with ‘Snoopy’.” Ouch, that’s a burn right there! And everywhere else that isn’t covered by a layer of UV-resistant fabric! We are, and yet we aren’t, excited to see how this pans out, guys. Who’s going to win, we wonder? Just kidding; the answer is no one. No one will win this beef.
[Photo: Getty Images/ Splash News Online]
The Wanted are such bad boys, ya’ll! Bad boys with great hair who sing in dulcet harmonies and just need one special lady to reveal the gentle lamb within. That’s the P.R. angle The Wanted is currently working with, right? Why else would the British band have “gone rogue” and revealed a super-unflattering detail about opening for Britney Spears? “We signed a confidentiality thing that we should never say anything about what happened, but let’s tell it anyway,” bandmember Tom Parker (always the troublemaker!) told Fresh 102.7. Added Siva Kaneswaran, “I was in the hallway with me tour manager. Basically we were looking with a laptop, trying to get WiFi, and we were facing the middle of the hallway. Her bouncers came down with her and told us to face the wall . . .” Interjected Tom, “As Miss Spears is walking through. We’re like, come on!” Wow, revealing that a famous person did something weird? Bad Boys 4 Lyfe!
The boys spilled their Britney dirt mere days after the band ripped on Christina Aguilera, which makes us think this whole thing has to be an ingenious publicity campaign designed to appeal to the 13-year-old girl in all of us. That’s the only explanation we can see for all the spots The Wanted has been blowing this past week! Unfortunately for them, Xtina and Brit Brit are not middle schoolers anymore. And their days of putting up with bad boys are long, long, long over.
[Photo: Getty Images]
The Wanted know it was wrong to say all those hurtful things about The Voice judge Christina Aguilera last week. It’s just that, well, maybe if she hadn’t had been such an awful witch, they wouldn’t have had to put her on blast in public? That seems to be the gist of the British boy band’s not-an-apology apology to Xtina, anyway, and we are not having it. “We shouldn’t have said it, to be honest with you,” bandmember Tom Parker told TMZ. A reasonable conclusion, Tom! Unfortunately, he went on to add: “We just think manners cost nothing, you know what I mean?” Is he seriously calling in to question Christina’s manners right now? Well, you know what else doesn’t cost anything, Tom? Not calling someone the b-word. Look, we’re not saying it right now, and it isn’t costing us a penny!
Xtina has so far remained silent on the whole debacle, which started last week when The Wanted started throwing shade about her on New York’s 92.3 NOW. “Maybe she’s not a b— in real life, but she was a b— to us,” Parker snarked at the time. Considering Christina stayed mum when Kelly Osbourne went after her for getting “fat,” we doubt Xtina will come out swinging any time soon. Though do you know how easy it would be to verbally take down a boy band? Start with their 4-year-long careers, segueing onto acne and work it on down, girl!
[Photo: Getty Images/ Splash News Online]
Looks like Chevy Chase is hoping to secure his legacy in the hollowed ranks of our favorite celebrity ranters. You got it, Chevy! After the Community star was caught cursing out the show’s creator Dan Harmon on voicemail (and after Harmon sort of apologized for playing it in public), Clark Griswald is back with a few editing suggestions and a whole truckload of f-bombs. “It’s just a f—ing mediocre sitcom! I want people to laugh and this isn’t funny. It ain’t funny to me because I’m 67-years-old and I’ve been doing this a long time,” Chase gripes on the recording. Man, what a diva. No…you know what? “Diva” is too flattering a term for these two. You have done nothing to earn your divadom, Chase and Harmon! Nothing!
Concludes the comedian, “I’ve been making a lot of people laugh a lot better than this.” So we have to ask: why is Chevy still on Community anyway? Seeing as how he apparently dislikes both the show and it’s creator, why doesn’t he just hang out at his mansion drinking mai tais and driving his hovercraft around the polo fields instead? Or whatever else it is that rich people do? We doubt Dan Harmon would mind, and Chevy could even write his character Pierce a spectacular exit from the show. For example, maybe rocketing off a cliff in a hovercraft while drinking mai tais. Now that is comedy!
[Photo: Getty Images]
These crazy kids. Always flaring up at each other for something. We all know how mad Deadmau5 was at Madonna for getting up on stage at the Ultra Music Festival and saying, “How many people in this crowd have seen Molly?” Molly just happens to be a slang word for MDMA. Which we almost typed as MDNA, Madonna’s new album. Genius marketing! Anywho, Deadmau5 went on a rampage on his Facebook page against, what he perceived to be, her using drug references in conjunction with electronic music — cliche’s he felt needed to broken, not promoted. One of his rants read, “HUR DUR HAS ANYONE SEEN MOLLY???” such a great message for the young music lovers at ultra. quite the f’n philanthropist. but hey, at least yer HIP AND TRENDY! f—g cant smack my head hard enough right now.”
They’re simpatico now. Through a move Madonna made which we thought she’d never make in a million years. She apologized! Madge was on Twitter yesterday answering fan questions when Deadmau5 tweeted her, saying, “You’re a role model to 100′s of millions. You have a powerful voice,EDM could use your positive influence, not “molly” talk.” Madonna replied with the cutesy photograph you see above, with a tweet that said, “lovemau5.” The message on the picture reads” From one mouse to another. I don’t support drug use and I never have. I was referring to the song called ‘Have You Seen Molly’ written by my friend Cedric Gervais who I almost worked with on my last album …”
Deadmau5 promptly tweeted her back with a conciliatory, “fair enough, i was just voicing my concerns as i usually do. +1 respect for clearing it up personally.” To which Madonna replied, “Communication is always best. You should have called me first, we could have cleared it up “privately.” See you on the road.” Right, are we all happy now? No, we’re not. We’re a bit surprised that Madonna kind of kow-towed to Deadmau5. The Queen M of old would have bitten his head off! Look, we’re not supporting any beef between the two. But if you read the Mau5′s FB page, he really ranted against her. It got super ugly and really nazzty. We just think M shouldn’t have rolled over and taken it so meekly. What do you think?
[Photo via Twitter]
Khloe Kardashian might have stripped down for a PETA anti-fur ad in 2008, but the way the animal rights organization has responded to Kim Kardashian’s flour bombing last Friday has Lamar’s wife ready to roll out the bear skin rug. “…I just received word that the woman responsible has very close ties to PETA, despite PETA publicly stating otherwise,” Khloe said in a statement today, referring to activist Christina Cho. “As you all know, I don’t condone violence and bullying and what happened last Thursday was just that. I am absolutely disgusted by their behavior. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and opinions — I personally don’t wear fur but that doesn’t mean I am going to force my views on anyone else, ESPECIALLY by violating them.” Smooth move, PETA. You know Khloe loves to release stress by kickboxing polar bears. You have really done it this time.
As the organization wrote on their site after the incident, “PETA has written polite letters to Kim, erected billboards, and held protests. While we weren’t behind the flour delivery, we applaud the animal advocates who were.” Fumed Kim’s sister, “I will still continue to NOT wear fur, but I will no longer support PETA. Bullying and harassment is NEVER a solution, and I won’t be a part of any organization that thinks otherwise.” Hey, cheer up Khloe! You can still strip down for your denim line…and your lingerie line…and your reality show…and in the privacy of your own home. That’ll teach ‘em!
[Photo: Getty Images/PETA]
There are two things we know about Kevin Smith: he loves himself a Twitter feud and….uh…well, he directed Mall Rats? Oh right, and he hates Bruce Willis. The Dogma director tweeted part of his new book Tough S–t: Life Advice from a Fat, Lazy Slob Who Did Good, which his followers quickly identified as being about Willis, the star of Smith’s 2010 police comedy Cop Out. “Who am I talking about when I write THIS,” Smith allegedly queried. “He turned out to be the unhappiest, most bitter and meanest emo-bitch I ever met at any job I’ve held. And mind you, I worked at Domino’s.” Did you guys notice how Smith also managed to insult Domino’s within one stealth tweet? This man is like a beef master!
Of course, this isn’t the first time the director raged against his former leading man. The fact Smith has yet to be kicked into an elevator shaft to plummet to his death is actually twice as surprising as we initially though! Smith went on another rant against the Die Hard star in January 2011 while being interviewed for comedian Marc Maron‘s WTF podcast. “It was difficult. I’ve never been involved in a situation like that where one component is not in the box at all. It was f—ing soul crushing,” he complained. Smith has since deleted the offending tweets, which suggests to us that he didn’t want anything else crushed either, least of all his precious, precious tweeting fingers.
[Photo: Getty Images]
We’re sure if Jon Hamm implied we were an idiot in public we’d want our best friend to rush to our defense, too. That being said, Kim Kardashian is probably scribbling Jonathan Cheban‘s name in her Burn Book as we speak. “Put Jon Hamm in a mall, and more people will go up to the people working at the Burger King than they will to him,” Kim’s BBF ranted to Us Weekly in response to Hamm’s recent comments about Kardashian. “Bring Kim to a mall and there will be a riot. They’re in two different businesses. Kim’s pop culture and what people like.” Declared Cheban, “It’s a lot of work, and she’s here to stay. Let’s see where he is after Mad Men.” That grotsky little biatch! Oh wait, we mean…bad move, Jonathan. Really bad, really hilarious move!
Of course, if Kim’s pal is going after her detractors, he is going to have to quit his day job; the number of Kardashian haters grows by the hour. Take action hero Jason Statham, for example. After Details magazine asked the Expendables star if he ever thought about his brand, Statham sniffed, “F— no. F— ‘em. Kim Kardashian’s a brand.” Hoo boy! Not that we don’t love the Kardashians in our way (they all have great hair and Khloe seems like a reasonable human being), but Jonathan, have you seen the guns on that guy? We have. In fact, we never want to stop seeing them. Except if they start pummeling you in the face, so could you not go down that beefilicious road if you could help it?
[Photo: Getty Images]
Michael Bay never seemed like the kind of guy we’d want to hang out with, mostly because we don’t want have to hear about the greatness that is Armageddon. We get it! It’s in the Criterion Collection! Let’s all just move on! Friends With Kids actor Chris O’Dowd, however, can’t stand the Transformers director because of the way Bay treated his former leading lady Megan Fox. “I don’t know the ins and outs of it but it’s all down to having a fallout with Michael Bay,” the Bridesmaids star ranted to The Toronto Sun. “But who wouldn’t have a fallout with him? It’s one of the [most] sexist things I’ve ever seen. She called him an a–hole. Well, he is a fucking a–hole. She’s not the only one who has said that. Why has she been singled out?” Yeah! We don’t like Michael Bay, and he never even made us straddle a motorcycle with our butts facing the camera!
As you might recall, Bay gave Fox the boot from the blockbuster film series after she compared him to Hitler following some particularly harsh on-set treatment; the director then proceeded to trash her in the news, with Shia LaBeouf providing gross, unnecessary backup. As for ruining his chances of starring in Transformers 6: Robot Punches 4 Eva, O’Dowd could care less. “I would never f—ing watch his films,” he snarled. “Never mind go and act in them.” Meanwhile, we wouldn’t be surprised if there was one solitary tear sliding down Michael Bay’s face right now. Sure he’s going to wipe it away with a $50,000 bill, but the point is it was there.
[Photo: Getty Images]
So, last week, Jon Hamm lamented to Elle U.K. that “being a f—ing idiot is a valuable commodity in this culture because you’re rewarded significantly.” And the Mad Men star specifically called out Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian as examples of “stupidity” being celebrated. Today, Kim struck back, tweeting:
“I just heard about the comment Jon Hamm made about me in an interview. I respect Jon and I am a firm believer that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and that not everyone takes the same path in life. We’re all working hard and we all have to respect one another. Calling someone who runs their own businesses, is a part of a successful TV show, produces, writes, designs, and creates, ‘stupid,’ is in my opinion careless.”
Ooooh, burn, Don Draper. She respects you but thinks you’re careless. Oh, come on, Kim! You are making our jobs difficult here! Can’t you call him better names? Mock his basic cable pay? Wonder how he qualifies as smarter than you, since his job is to pretend sleep with a lot of women and basically be objectified by ladies on a weekly basis? Seriously, guys. You’re leaving all the good beefs to the Mob Wives and rappers. We bet Peggy Olsen and Roger Sterling would have awesome comebacks up their sleeves.
Readers, would you care to craft something for our imaginary battle between Jon and Kim?
Related: Jon Hamm Is Just The Latest Celeb To Rip On The “Stupidity” Of Kim Kardashian
40 Reasons We Can’t Wait For Mad Men To Come Back
[Photos: AMC, Kim Kardashian's Instagram]