Celebrity Birthdays

by (@missmuttoo)

Random Dude Crashes Paris Hilton’s 30th Birthday Party, Steals Her Cake

This story is so hilarious that we’re going to jump straight into it. Some dude called Paz gate-crashed Paris Hilton‘s 30th birthday party and stole her cake. We kid you not. He’s chronicled his confectionary-criminal spree on his Facebook page, complete with photographs from inside the bash.

The cake itself was apparently worth $2,000 dollars and as Paz describes it, “It’s big. It’s red. It’s says Paris.” His elaborate journal entry starts one day before Paris-gate thanks to a friend’s phone call inviting him to be a fellow crasher. It takes you through Paz and friend “Kevin” strolling down the red carpet, bodypainted nymphs with Tinkerbell wings and an 8-foot tall Iron Man impersonator. There were six open bars on site, which the duo liberally sampled from.

Of the actual cake-hijacking, Paz writes, “… It was at this inebriated moment I decided no one was going to waste $2,000 with of anything on my watch. ‘Hey’, I mumble to Kevin, ‘I have to rescue the cake’.” That’s exactly what superhero Paz did because no one was paying attention or eating the damn thing. After Paris had blown out the candles of course! They’re not mean, guys. They’re socially and financially prudent, clearly.

They swiped it, by dodging the head of security, the waiter and God knows who else, and took their prize home. And in the end, he wrote, “It’s red. It’s delicious. And I don’t know WTF I’m going to do with it.” Erm, pass us a slice? Also, did anyone even notice that it was missing? Happy Birthday, Paris! You can’t make this stuff up.

[Photo: Splash News Online/Facebook]

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by (@missmuttoo)

Zac Efron Who? Vanessa Hudgens Looks Fab At Her Vegas Birthday

Bad breakups for us involve eating way too much ice-cream, getting disastrous haircuts, buying more shoes than we can afford, and if it’s really bad, then all of the above. But that’s why we’re, well, us, and Vanessa Hudgens post-Zac Efron, is the bomb.

Miss Hudgens just celebrated her 22nd birthday, and lets just say she didn’t spend it sniveling under a duvet. The girl just split up with her boyfriend of 5 years, so we were totally prepared to cut her some time off from the I’m-a-celebrity-I’m-perfect train. Vanessa can now snap her fingers and sass “In yo’ face” to us, because she brought on the awesome at her happy-happies celebration in *tadah* VEGAS!  She looked super-slinky at Pure nightclub in a completely unforgiving silver dress that wrapped around her like a bandage. Besties Ashley Tisdale and Brittany Snow were right there partying with her. The Zefron wasn’t… but he’s totally going to look at the pictures and kick himself on his perfect behind.

And more props to not-so-Baby V when she was inevitably questioned about the breakup. Her pert response was, “We’re good” and a thumbs up. That calls for a round of applause and a ‘nicely done’! Happy Birthday, Vanessa!

by (@unclegrambo)

Taylor Swift Celebrates Best Birthday Ever In Lamest Possible Fashion

61618247rnrnWhat did you do the night you turned 21 years old? We imagine it involved hitting the local watering hole with a few of your closest friends and tossing back sexually-themed (and totally gross tasting) shots like Blow Jobs, Buttery Nipples and Screaming Orgasms. Not Taylor Swift, though! Instead of letting loose on the one night it’s socially acceptable to get drunk as a skunk, the eternally prissy pop princess celebrated her 21st birthday in the most boring way possible, with a “super low key,” alcohol-free pizza party at her house. As Taylor herself would say, “What?”rnrnNow, it’s not that we condone going a role model like Taylor going out getting sloshed every night of the week (even though we tend to). Rather, it’s just that we wish that Taylor would stop acting like a sheltered adolescent and start acting like the worldly adult that she clearly is. After all, she already acknowledged that she got horizontal with the horndog John Mayer, so it’s not like she’s all that innocent. Drop the phony pretensions, Swifty, toss back a Budweiser or an appletini (your choice!), and let your freak flag fly! Or, at the very least, hit the bowling alley and knock back a White Russian, Big Lebowski style.rnrn[Photo: Artist's rendering of Taylor's indulging in a pepperoni slice at her pizza party]

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Kanye Misses His Minaj, Skips Nicki’s Bootylicious Birthday Party

If Nicki Minaj‘s verse in “Monster” can be believed, Kanye West missed out on a sure thing by skipping the Pink Friday rapper’s 26th birthday party at Tao in Vegas last night. Dressed in a sheer body suit with frosted naughty bits, Minaj partied with Kanye muse Amber Rose and singer Cassie before she was handed her pink cake. Though Yeezy didn’t show, Weezy—Lil’ Wayne, in case you’re confused—did make an appearance at the bash. Check out the gallery for shots of the party and check out our list of Nicki Minaj’s Top 20 Most Bootlyicious Pics—guess we gotta update that!

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by (@missmuttoo)

Taylor Swift’s Gift-Free 21st Birthday Plans

Taylor Swift

Because she’s God’s special child, Taylor Swift’s 21st birthday could not possibly be a normal one. Apart from traveling the world, making a gazillion dollars, and having a boyfriend we drool in our dreams (and while waking) over, she has also already received other gifts like becoming a Cover Girl.  So instead of people giving her even more this week, Taylor wants her guests to gift presents to each other. They really broke the mold with this one, didn’t they?

Taylor revealed, “I love having a Christmas themed birthday party so people can give each other presents at my birthday party, so it’s not so much a spotlight birthday [thing]—-especially with a 21st birthday where people are like, ‘Huh? Huh? What’s she gonna do?” She’s going to be Taylor, that’s what. She added, “I didn’t want it to be a crazy club thing, I just want it to be very me and the me thing to do would be to have a Christmas birthday party.” Please don’t let our sarcasm get in the way of sending us an invite, okay?

[Photo: Getty]

by (@hallekiefer)

What To Get The Man Who Has Everything? The World’s Most Expensive Car, Of Course!

While the rest of us are counting out pennies to pay for bus fare, Beyonce is celebrating her husband’s birthday by buying Jay-Z a Bugatti Veyron Grand Sport, the most expensive car in the world. Hova turned 41 this past Saturday, and what better way to tell someone you love them than to buy them a car worth more than the GDP of Portugal? The amount Bee dropped on the new ride? You are going to want to start breathing into a paper bag now, because it’s $2 million dollars. We almost had to blur that number out, it’s so obscene.

According to the Bugatti webite, the Grand Sport is able to go 0-60 in 2.5 seconds and reaches a top speed of 253 miles per hour, which would come in handy when we want to get to the store to buy Ramen, because that’s all we could ever eat again if we bought this car. The Grand Sport is now just one of many in Jay-Z’s luxury car collection, which purportedly also includes a Maybach 62S, Ferrari F430 Spider and a Pagani Zonda Roadster, which we suspect based on the names are actually Transformers in disguise. Lucky for you, there are seven Great Sports still available! Sure, you’ll have to live in it, and your kids can’t go to college, but isn’t being awesome a little more important than that? [Photos: /Bugatti.com]

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Happy Birthday Miley! You Are A Woman Now

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Happy 18th birthday, Miley Cyrus!! It is insane to us that you are ONLY 18, it feel like we’ve been talking about you for years and years. You already have millions of dollars, a zen house of your own, legs we’d kill for and pretty soon you’re going to star in a movie where you’re going to play a private investigator. We’d say that you’re wise beyond your years. And yet only now can you vote and you’re no longer considered jailbait (sorry, pervs).

Miley celebrated her birthday this past weekend with a private party at the L.A. hotspot Trousdale, where someone made a lovely pencil rendering of her face, specially enhanced to include Lisa Rinna‘s old lips. It’s nice to see that even when you’re a teenage bajillionaire, your friends aren’t above making you homemade cards. For a retrospective of Miley photo ops, check out our gallery of the teen queen starting with some achy breaky baby pics. Happy birthday, girl!

[Photo: Splash News Online]

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Jake Gyllenhaal To Spend 30th Birthday With Family, Walruses

Jake Gyllenhaal, Walrus

Not every celebrity spends their birthday trashing it up at some corporate-sponsored bash. Jake Gyllenhaal tells the New York Daily News he’ll spend his upcoming big 3-0 scuba diving in the Arctic with his family. “The only reason I’m doing it is I wanted to do something that absolutely terrified me—killer whales and walruses and freezing cold water? That seems absolutely terrifying.” You think you’re terrified, Jake? Imagine all the young female walruses worried that Jake Gyllenhaal is going to scuba dive his way right into their homes! All those ladies up north are probably waxing their facial hair and going on crash diets, hoping dad doesn’t embarrass them by rolling around and doing that stupid clapping thing he does whenever he thinks someone’s going to give him a fish. Ugh, he’s such a doofus!

Jake also told the reporter about the time he tried to steal a speedo while wearing it—and nothing else (“[My friend] said, ‘I dare you to go in there, put on a Speedo in the dressing room and walk out to see if they follow you. No clothes.’ I was tackled by security guards as the alarm went off, but I just kept walking and walking, right down through the marble hall. It was pretty exciting”). Jake’s actually told that story before, but as long as there’s one fan (walrus or otherwise) who hasn’t been given that mental picture, it’s probably worth telling again.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Miley Pops Off At 18th Birthday Party, Drops Plans To Cover Poison

Miley Cyrus

Like Snooki, Miley Cyrus wasn’t going to wait until Tuesday to celebrate her birthday. Instead, the nearly-18-year-old indulge in a private party after last night’s American Music Awards, trading the long-tailed glam of her red carpet appearance for a tasteful black bikini-top and matching skin-tight pants (adulthood, y’all!). While the gruesome details are certain to come, Miley warned Access Hollywood in advance that she and mommy Tish would be facing each other in a dance-off.Me and my mom actually have choreography for the night later — everyone loves when we dance in unison. There’s one [move] where you do like, the fist pump. You Jersey Shore it for a second!”

Sunday wasn’t entirely full of questionable choices, though. According to TMZ, Miley decided at the last minute not to cover Poison‘s “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” for the AMAs broadcast, plausibly because Bret Michaels was rumored to be dallying with Tish before she announced plans to divorce from Billy Ray Cyrus. Though everyone’s denied the claims, odds are Daddy wouldn’t have given that song choice his trademark standing “O”. See photos from Sunday in the gallery below.

Update: TMZ has a photo of Miley getting a birthday kiss—and straddle—from a guy at the party who looks a lot like rumored boyfriend/actor Avan Jogia. Careful, dude: she’s not really 18 until tomorrow!

[Photo: WireImage]

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Snooki Turns 23, Has Her Cake And Dresses Like One Too

Snooki

While Snooki‘s 23rd birthday isn’t actually until tomorrow (she was born the same day as Miley Cyrus!), the Jersey Shore star celebrated in advance at NY’s Pacha this weekend, joined by pals like J-Woww, Sean Kingston and one glorious cake at the condom company-sponsored bash. Considering how much life, laughter and love Snooks has crammed into her first 23 years, who can imagine what she’ll accomplish over the next 23? And who would want to imagine Snooki at 46 anyway? See photos from the party in the gallery below.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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