Celebrity Break Ups

by (@missmuttoo)

Rachel Weisz And Darren Aronofsky Split, Because Hot Actresses And Nerdy Directors Just Don’t Mix

TMZ reports that Darren Aronofsky and Rachel Weisz have split after nine years together. They add to the slew of celebrity couples breaking up over the last month, with Kellan Lutz and AnnaLynne McCord, Carey Mulligan and Shia LeBoeuf, Blake Lively and Penn Badgely and David Arquette and Courteney Cox all going their separate ways. What’s in the water, Hollywood?

These two were quite the quiet power couple, even if they never actually married. Aronofsky is a lauded director with The Wrestler and Requiem for a Dream under his belt. Weisz, on the other hand, has both blockbusters (The Mummy) and critically acclaimed work (The Constant Gardner and The Fountain) to her name.

There’s no real word on why they broke up but their people have a released a statement saying, “Rachel Weisz and Darren Aronofsky have been separated for some months. They remain close friends and are committed to raising their son together in NYC.” On the salacious side of things, sources report that Weisz and Daniel Craig have something going on, and have been for months. Whether that’s true or false remains to be seen, but it sure is hot to think about!

by (@missmuttoo)

Another Couple Down: Kellan Lutz And Annalynne McCord Split

Welcome to Hollywood – a.k.a. the relationship graveyard. The latest to fall victim to separation are Kellan Lutz and AnnaLynne McCord. Much like Carey Mulligan and Shia LeBoeuf (go StuMu!), Blake Lively and Penn Badgely and David Arquette and Courteney Cox, the uber-attractive couple is dunzo.

So why did the genetically-gifted ones break-up? We don’t know yet, but apparently AnnaLynne was holding hands with model Aaron O’Connell at a Halloween party in Vegas recently. Some even say that they broke up a month ago, but until someone gives out the real deets, we don’t know exactly why. But a couple, they are not, says a source, “No, they’re not together anymore.”

Let’s just hope the next person Kellan dates next has a last name that begins with the letter ‘K’. Because then we’ll have the greatest celeb couple of all time: “Klutz.” Perfect-o.

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Report: Blake And Penn Are So Over

No relationship is sacred in Hollywood – not David and Courteney, not Shia and Carey, and now it looks like even Penn Badgley and Blake Lively have broken up. US Magazine is reporting that the couple called it quits way back in September, which would explain why Lively was hanging out with Ryan Gosling at Disneyland a couple weeks ago. Perhaps Blake was trying to comfort Ryan, since he still seems to be shell-shocked by his days in the Mickey Mouse Club and it’s some kind of regressive therapy.

The pair’s demise his hardly the first romance to fizzle on the set of Gossip GirlEd Westwick and Jessica Szohr have been on-again-off-again more times than we can count, and Leighton Meester and Sebastian Stan broke up earlier this year. Looks like Gossip Girl is starting to rival One Tree Hill as a relationship graveyard.

by (@hallekiefer)

Halloween Comes Early When Evan Rachel Wood Gushes About Ex Marilyn Manson

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Halloween is just around the corner, and what better way to make your spine tingle and your skin crawl off your bones then to listen to what Evan Rachel Wood has to say about her ex, Marilyn Manson? Gushes Wood, “He had a hand in raising me!” Spooooky! O wait, we mean super gross! Considering the two dated when Wood was a teenager, Manson probably was exactly like a father to her: a creepy, make-up-wearing father who kisses you on the mouth. If the idea of Marilyn Manson’s lipstick smears on your teenage face doesn’t scare you, no evil thing will.

Wood raves about her long-time on-again, off-again beau: “Oh, I’m always gonna love that guy. He’s a genius, he’s an amazing artist, we’re still friends. Some things just aren’t meant to be.” Yeah, some things aren’t meant to be because people grow apart, and some things aren’t meant to be because all the forces of good in the world are actively trying to pull your fright-fest relationship apart.

Luckily dating Vampire-Dad doesn’t seem to have affected Evan’s career success. Moreover, her co-star in Mildred Pierce Kate Winslet tipped Woods off to a hair-raising secret. Says Evan, “I always had a rule that I was only going to do topless and never the whole package, I have to have some kind of mystery! But she then explained to me what a merkin was…” If there’s anything more horrifying than a tiny wig of fake pubes, we pray we never have to see it. Happy Halloween, everybody! [Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Taylor Swift Throws Down the Gauntlet For All Future Boyfriends

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If you’ve ever considered dating Taylor Swift (which, hello, who in North America hasn’t?), keep in mind that any jack-ass moves on your part will be immediately recorded and played back you in a beautiful lilting drawl. Because, in her own words, Taylor Swift will never stop writing songs about her love life. Says Swift, “I’ve had this formula for a long time that I’ve kind of applied to my music.” The formula being Taylor falls in love, gets her baby-bird heart smooshed into the dirt, then writes a million-dollar song about it: a painful, yet lucrative, process.

Explains Taylor, “And if I change that whole process of writing music, that entire process of writing songs in my bedroom about what I’m going through at that moment — because the only way I know how to understand pain or move past it is to write songs about it — if I change that, I’m really more changing a part of who I am. And I don’t really want to start doing that.” Neither does anyone else! Oh…well, except for John Mayer (allegedly)…and any other crumb bums Swift has sucked face with…which seems to be a lot…

So, is Taylor worried that any normal man would run screaming away from a relationship that will almost certainly end up on the radio? Shrugs the singer, “It’s understandable, but … I’ve never kept quiet the fact that I write songs about people,” she said. “It’s like, this is album number three. You guys have had fair warning!” Snaaaaaaaaaaap! So bring it, boyfriends. Here we thought we had to keep all of our angsty poetry to ourselves. It turns out you can show it to everyone and people will still date you! Well, at least if you are a gorgeous blond with the voice of a Southern angel…which we totally are, in case you are wondering. Excuse us, we have to go weep into our sonnet journal now. [Photo: Getty Images]

by (@missmuttoo)

Kim Kardashian Is A Single Lady Again

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So that’s why she dropped 30K on a purse! Kim Kardashian and Miles Austin have broken up, after just three months of dating. People do strange things when they split up. Kim, apparently, goes on shopping splurges. Nothing says, “I’m ok” more than Hermes (*sniff*, we prefer Chanel)!

We don’t know why we’re rubbing this in our own faces, but the last time we went through relationship-disposal, waddling around the house was our mode of recovery. Don’t judge us, you’ve done the same! But Kimmy K does it in style… she celebrates her single status in Paris. Here’s a gun. Go ahead and shoot us.

But what brought on the sudden break, you ask? A source explained to People, ” There’s no huge reason except their distance. With his season and Kim’s filming, it just slowly split them apart. They tried to keep it as low profile as possible when they were together.”

The source also added that the split is a bummer (and it was mutual), because Kim and her NFL’er were actually quite into each other, saying, “They were acting as if they were single or just having fun, but they never were – it was the real deal. They were always strong, but before Kim left for Europe they decided it’s not fair that they don’t get to spend more time together and ended it.”

Awww Kim, have some crème glacée on us. It ain’t an Hermes purse, but it’s the best we can do!

[Photo: Splash News Online]

by (@missmuttoo)

Miley And Ashley: Brand-New BFFs

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Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth split recently, and she’s keeping herself well occupied with her new film LOL: Laughing Out Loud. Yes that movie, in which Miley flashes her bikini wax. She’s doing just fine hanging out with Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, enjoying regular 17-year-old activities like hanging out at bars.

Her barhopping just got a lot easier in France, where she’s shooting the flick alongside new BFF Ashley Greene. Miley’s been partying in Paris with the Twilight starlet, hitting up exclusive clubs like the VIP Room. This weekend, the duo showed up at the bar and broke it down to DJ Ruckus’ tunes. Miley had her favorite prop in hand (or mouth) – a lollipop and sources say, “She was with one bodyguard and two girlfriends.”

Liam who?

[Photo: Getty Images]

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by (@missmuttoo)

Miley Cyrus Is Single Again (But Still Jail Bait)

Poor Miley Cyrus has a $3.4 million home and no one to share it with, as she and her delish Aussie BF Liam Hemsworth, have spilt. Whenever we write a post about Miley, all her diehard fans tend to rip us a new one in her defense. Which is cool. We get it.

But just in case you’re planning to type in and tell us we’re promoting a bullsh*t rumor and that we’re spawns of Satan himself for dissing your Miley-boo (which we actually didn’t do…this time), consider this: Hemsworth’s own spokesperson has confirmed them breaking up stating with great finality, saying “It’s true.”

Not that we’re not particularly surprised. When Miley got snarky about Liam on live television,  we started thinking something smelled fishy.  And then she went around singing all these sappy songs for Nick Jonas… come on! Break-up express pulling in! All aboard!

Question is… who should Miley date next? Suggestions are welcome, just make sure they’re PG-13 ‘kay? Justin Bieber? Nick Jonas… again? Or will she stick to her older men schtick?

by (@hallekiefer)

Marilyn Manson And Evan Rachel Wood Call It Quits; The Rest Of Us Should Just Give Up Now

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Tear up those sonnets you wrote and cancel Valentine’s Day, you guys. Its official: love is dead. After four tumultuous, guy-liner smeared years of romance, Marilyn Manson and Evan Rachel Wood are finally throwing in the filth towel.

Sources report that the couple separated last week, ending their eight-month engagement.  Oh lord, we’re sorry if there are too many spelling errors in this post, but we can barely see through the tears! After Manson was spotted drowning his sorrows with several lovely ladies at L.A.’s Boudoir, a friend confirmed the split, saying, “They just broke off their engagement, and he needed a night out with friends.” We don’t blame him! We might need a night off with our many beautiful lady friends to recover from this shocking blow too.

The two lovebirds met at a party in 2006, when Wood was so young our hands are refuse to type her age, and have been on-again, off-again ever since. People familiar with Wood and Manson’s relationship know that the two have broken up and gotten back together so many times, it’s starting to remind us of our high school boyfriend. Which makes sense, considering Manson basically was Wood’s high school boyfriend.  But this! We didn’t get an inkling that these two kooks wouldn’t make it/destroy each other in a big public blow-out. Now we’ll never have the fairy-tale wedding we were hoping for (The fairy-tale being Bluebeard)! We just hope Evan keeps in mind that not everyone gets the washed-up middle-aged vampire boyfriend of their dreams.

Now if you’ll excuse us, there is a Drop Dead Diva marathon we need to watch, and a black satin pillow that needs to be sobbed into.  [Photo: Splash News Online]

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J-Woww’s BF Wakes Up And Realizes She’s A Cheater…Duh!

RadarOnline.com‘s photos of Jersey Shore’s resident boob job advocate, J-Woww, cheating on boyfriend Tom Lippolis just surfaced, causing poor Tom to dump the guidette. In an interview with RadarOnline, Tom said, “I’m f*cking beside myself, but am ready to move on.” Then he goes on to explain, “There has been a lot of pressure on both of us lately, but she recently told me, ‘I never cheated on you and I will never leave you for someone else.’ She just lost the best thing that ever happened to her.” Alright, now get ready for the real O-M-G moment: “I am in the best shape of my life and am ready for a new relationship. I’ve already put on Facebook that I am single and I’m getting hits like crazy.” It’s hard out here for a pimp isn’t it, Tom?

Tom must have amnesia so we will gladly remind him that during the first season of the Jersey Shore J-Woww introduced herself by saying, “After I have sex with a guy I will rip their heads off.” She backs up this statement by hooking up with fellow castmate Pauly D and claiming not to remember it. Jersey Shore fans will also recall how J-Woww called Tom on the Snooki-proof duck phone to explain the incident that she allegedly doesn’t remember because she, too, was a victim of apparent (lemon-drop shot induced) amnesia. A momentary split happened between the couple before they were back together by the next episode.

Oh well, we guess it’s about time J-Woww is a single lady, ripping the heads off of orange-tanned men from New Jersey. Let’s just hope she remembers it.