Celebrity Break Ups

by (@katespencer)

Unknown Actor Finally Gets Rid Of Hot Oscar-Winning Girlfriend

Charlize Theron - Stuart Townsend

Ladies, can I get some high fives!? Stuart Townsend is back on the market after spending nine years lugging around that ol’ ball and chain Charlize Theron…and her Oscar, which is admittedly also very heavy to carry around. The Irish sex-bomb secretly split from the actress in December, during a vacation to Mexico. “‘They had become more like brother and sister than lovers,” said a source. “It was she who ended it.”

Stuart is best known for not being known at all – he’s done a bunch of movies no one has ever heard of, and was booted from The Lord Of The Rings cast after his part was given to Viggo Mortensen. Charlize is an effing idiot for letting a guy like Stuart go. What woman in her right mind doesn’t want a guy who is more like a brother to them? We’re all about relationships with less passionate public sex and more sitting on opposite ends of the couch cuddling and watching “Arrested Development” DVDs (er, or another show of Stewie’s choice, seeing as Charlize was a guest star on the critically acclaimed comedy for a few eps). Stuart, we’ll even take you on trips to Mexixo too, as long as you don’t mind the Holiday Inn!

[Photo: GettyImages]

by (@katespencer)

Brangelina’s Oscars Snub Sends Gossip Bloggers Into Confused Rage

brangelina-oscars

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are so NOT breaking up, but they are skipping the Oscars, which either means 1 of 2 things: 1. They are indeed over, or 2. Brangelina is f*cking with us. Just Jared reports exclusively that the ultra-cool, extra fertile couple will not attend the Academy Awards in March. Gasp! A source tells the site, “They will be out of the country during the Oscars. Angie will be busy shooting The Tourist.”

Surely Inglourious Basterds will be nominated for some awards, so it seems a wee bit strange that Brad would blow off the chance to bask in the limelight. And we all know that Angelina loves to float down A-List Red carpets in whatever ethereal dress she thinks will piss off Jennifer Aniston the most. Surely their snub must be a sign of something. But what!? We can’t exist in this state of Brangelina purgatory for much longer before our brains begin to melt and we retreat to our studio apartments to watch Along Came Polly over and over again, waiting for Brad and Angie to reveal their master plan of world domination…or uh, relationship termination.

We’ve clearly lost it, thanks to these two. We’re grabbing our Brangelina Survivor Guide and going into hiding. Wake us up when Brad’s dating Kate Bosworth and Angie’s bedding Tila Tequila. [Photo: GettyImages]

Get your Brangie fix below:

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by (@katespencer)

Publicists Work Overtime To Spin Brangelina Break-Up Rumors As Bogus

brangelina-break-up

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have broken up!” This was the news that greeted us when we checked our Twitter feed at 11PM on Saturday night, backstage at our weekly improv show. Even our hipster friends whose celebrity knowledge doesn’t extend far beyond Animal Collective were busy hashtagging #Brangelinabreakup, so we knew something fishy was up. Turns out shady British paper News Of The World had just dropped an exclusive story, claiming that the A-List pair were in the middle of  a pow-wow  with lawyers hashing out the details of splitting up their family and their $300+ million fortune.

NOTW is not a very reputable rag (The National Enquirer it is NOT) but for some reason, the web went for it. Twitter had a melt down, Gawker predicted the Brang-pocalypse, Perez Hilton did some actually reporting for once, and Brad and Angelina’s people got a late-night wake up call and began working overtime denying the story. By early Sunday morning, every major news outlet was reporting the reps’ denial, with sources saying that the tale was “total b.s.”

People, Us Weekly, E! Online and TMZ have all drank the P.R. kool-aid and are claiming the rumors are bogus, but we’re not completely convinced, especially with other stories out there of the couple fighting at dinner a few weeks ago and spending time apart this weekend. What do you think?  [Photo: GettyImages]

by (@katespencer)

Susan Sarandon, Tim Robbins Split

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Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins have called it quits after a gajillion years together. Says her rep Teal Cannaday: “Actress Susan Sarandon and her partner of 23 years, actor Tim Robbins have announced that they separated over the summer. No further comments will be made.”

Wait, they ended things this summer, and we’re just finding out now? Thanks for the Christmas gift of gossip! Tim and Susan were one of our favorite Hollywood couples; after all – they seemed so grounded and normal, like a hot version of our parents. We’re sad to see them end things, but excited to watch them rebound around Hollywood. Susan should get her cougar on with Taylor Lautner! Tom – we hear Hayden Panettiere is single again. Go young or go home!  [Photo: GettyImages]

by (@katespencer)

Brody Jenner And Jayde Nicole Split

jayde-nicole-brody-jenner

Jayde Nicole recently claimed that she and Brody Jenner were very much together, but here we are a month later, trying to swallow the news that the couple is over. Dunzo. We don’t even know how to begin to process this heartbreaking information, when we’ve clearly just lost the Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward of our generation. Alas, the news appears to be true, as sources have confirmed the break-up to US magazine, while Jayde posted the following on her Twitter last week, “‘Sometimes when you truly love someone you have to let them go…..’ I never really understood that quote until now.”

Brody, meanwhile, is down in Australia finding himself, something his Playboy playmate gal pal just didn’t feel like dealing with. According to a source Jayde said, “I don’t have time for that.” And can you blame her? The dude’s gonna have to do a lot of digging before he actually taps into some substance. That’s what years of bromancing will do to you! [Photo: GettyImages]

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Kate Hudson Talks A-Rod With Madonna, Struggling With Split

Kate Hudson

While Kate Hudson and Madonna understandably didn’t pose together at Tuesday night’s Nine premiere in NYC, the New York Post says Alex Rodriguez‘s exes had plenty to talk about at the afterparty. “When the cameras were on Kate she was all smiles,” said their source. “But privately you could tell she has had her heart broken…It was her big premiere, and she was upset Alex wasn’t there to support her.” Would Madonna have shown up if he was going to be?

Though their alleged split has been credited to Hudson’s desire for publicity or commitment (or, depending who you ask, both), the Post says she and Rodriguez are trying to work things out. “They had a huge fight in London at the premiere of Nine, and Alex flew to Miami to hang out with his friends. But in the last few days he and Kate have started speaking again on the phone. She hopes they can work things out. But they are both very stubborn.” If they don’t patch up, just make sure not to play Jay-Z‘s “Empire State Of Mind” around her again. “When the song was played at the after-party, Kate looked at her mom [Goldie Hawn] and did a fake scream.” Aww, the Yankee anthem was their “Look Of Love”…or at least “Rollin’ With The Homies.”

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Split? A-Rod Spotted With Blonde While Kate Hops Around NYC

Kate Hudson

Rumors of a split with Alex Rodriguez didn’t keep Kate Hudson from going out in public yesterday. The Nine star rushed in and out of her hotel—in an impressive variety of ensembles—to attend a screening of the Critics’ Choice Movie Award-nominated film, appear on It’s On With Alexa Chung and go to dinner with mom Goldie Hawn and common-law stepdad Kurt Russell. According to the New York Daily News, A-Rod has been keeping busy too…with another woman in Miami.

“She and Alex were introduced at [a dinner for Armani Saturday], but it looked like they got pretty friendly pretty fast,” says their source. “They definitely left the dinner separately, but showed up at [the nightclub] LIV together a few hours later.” As Madonna knows all too well, A-Rod is not one to sit around and mope if things are going less than swimmingly in a relationship. Will she return to the Yankee bleachers or were they just sex-crazed ships passing in the night?

Check out Kate’s manic Monday in the gallery below.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

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by (@katespencer)

Lindsay Tweet Attacks Samantha’s Family

lindsay-lohan-twitter-samantha-ronson

Forget calling Lindsay Lohan a train-wreck – the girl is officially now a tweet-wreck. The puffy-lipped Long Islander pounded out a new rant against Samantha Ronson‘s family on her Blackberry, accusing them of keeping her and the skinny DJ apart. The best part about her Tweet meltdown is that just a couple hours after freaking out, she messaged Britney Spears and referred to her kids as “beautiful munchichi’s [sic].” At least we think she was talking about Sean and Jayden. Anyhoo, here’s her eloquent and poetic plea for love justice, in it’s proper order:

“@samantharonson doesn’t respond 2me b/c her family will cut her off if she contacts me… They control the one I love & im incapable of making any sort of difference. I’m in love with her, as she is in love with me….but her loved ones – hate her brilliance & resent her happiness.”

Certainly, uber-famous fashion designer Charlotte Ronson and beloved superstar musician/producer Mark Ronson are envious of Sam’s record spinning skills. Yep, that must be it. You figured it out, LiLo! Honestly, we feel for Linds, because clearly she’s desperate to be loved, and especially desperate to be loved by her scrawny sweetheart. But we gotta high five the Ronsons for sensibly stepping in and shutting this one down – and that includes Samantha. The only stupid thing we’ve ever seen the girl do is date a leggings-addicted loony-tune, otherwise she’s a total class act with a sweet job and enviable wardrobe.

And now, a private message in 140 characters to @LindsayLohan: Hey gurl. U need a vacation, a manager, a publicist, a babysitter for your sis, new parents, and some real friends. Call us. We want 2 help.  [Photo: GettyImages]

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by (@katespencer)

Nancy Grace Makes Jon Gosselin Squirm

Nancy Grace ripped Jon Gosselin a new a-hole last night on “The Insider,” taking him to task for his shady business of bangin’ 22-year-olds and halting production on “Jon & Kate Plus 8″ only after he was kicked off the show. JoGo looked like a reality star caught in headlights during Grace’s tirades, mumbling responses to her hard-hitting questions. At times, the tubby Ed Hardy fan sat in stunned silence until his lawyer chimed in. Needless to say, we loved every minute of it. [Via Jezebel]

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by (@katespencer)

John And Elizabeth Edwards Headed For Divorce?

John-Elizabeth-Edwards

Is Elizabeth Edwards finally going to kick her cheating husband to the curb? That’s what the National Enquirer is alleging, and lordy, we hope they’re right. “Elizabeth had always sworn she wouldn’t divorce John,” a pal tells the gossip rag. “But every person has a breaking point, and Elizabeth’s friends believe she’s reached hers.”

The source continues: “Elizabeth made it clear to John that she will take him for everything he’s got. She will divorce him and claim their $53 million fortune.”

Apparently Elizabeth, who’s waging a very public battle against stage 4 breast cancer, has reached her breaking point following new allegations that her hubby cheated on her numerous times while campaigning for President. Go for it girlfriend!Take the money and run. [Photo: GettyImages]