Celebrity Crime

by (@hallekiefer)

Cheer Up, Suge Knight! It’s Just An Arrest!

Suge Knight, it breaks our hearts to see you so completely bummed out like this. Things really aren’t so bad! So, according to TMZ, you got arrested last night in Las Vegas after making an “unsafe lane change” in your Bentley. And, okay, sure, the cops noticed that you had several warrants out for your arrest for minor traffic violations and, yes, maybe they decided to search your car and found a “small amount” of marijuana in your possession. Then you posed for the World’s Glummest Celebrity Mugshot.  But do you know what Suge Knight calls an arrest in Las Vegas? Wednesday night. Ah…is that a smile we see? We thought so.

[Photo: Splash News Online/Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Halle’s Ex Gabriel Aubry Investigated For Battery, Child Endangerment

Ugh, and the day was going so well, too. According to TMZ, Halle Berry‘s ex Gabriel Aubry is being investigated for misdemeanor battery and misdemeanor child neglect after allegedly shoving and verbally attacking his nanny. According to their caregiver, who works for both Berry and Aubry, Halle’s ex pushed her into a door while arguing over why daughter Nahla Ariela was not taken to school by Aubry. The fact that the nanny was holding Gabriel and Halle’s daughter at the time of the altercation is what spurred a child endangerment investigation. It’s also spurring us to purse our lips together and shake our heads in utter dismay.

If you recall, Halle and Gabriel spent much of 2011 in and out of court in a dispute that seemed to be approaching a custody battle. We can’t imagine this will help such an already tense situation. More shoving almost never does.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Snoop Dogg Arrested In Texas. You Know What For.

Snoop Dogg was arrested in Texas this weekend after it was discovered that he was running a massive Ponzi scheme, a nefarious plot by which he was defrauding dozens of investors out of millions of dollars. Just kidding! Ugh, we cannot keep a straight face! While Snoop didn’t Bernie Madoff anyone, he did get arrested for marijuana possession in Texas this weekend. TMZ reports that border patrol dogs in the Texas town of Sierra Blanca sniffed out some of the wacky tabaccky aboard Snoop’s tour bus, which lead to a citation for misdemeanor possession. Hoo boy, but really. The look on your face. Just priceless.

While he was arrested, Snoop Dogg did not get taken into custody and, per his Twitpics, spent the rest of the weekend in San Antonio at the U.S. Army All-American Bowl. As if Snoop would commit a crime that didn’t involve him laughing hysterically, eating so much pizza and falling asleep on a pile of coats. As if.

by (@hallekiefer)

Lindsay Lohan Could Be Looking At Jail Time At Tomorrow’s Hearing

Lindsay Lohan’s legal troubles aren’t over just yet (or, you know, ever), at least not if the prosecution has anything to say about it. RadarOnline reports that the L.A. County D.A., as well as the L.A. City D.A., will allegedly ask that Lilo’s probation be formally revoked at Wednesday’s hearing, and that she be sentenced to at least 90 days in jail. So wait…Lindsay Lohan’s jail time could potentially be longer than Kim Kardashian’s marriage? Wow, typing that just felt so right.

As you may recall, Lilo already technically had her probation revoked at her hearing earlier this month; however, tomorrow’s court visit will decide the repercussions of the judge’s ruling. Though unlikely, Lindsay could be put away for up to 18 months. According to TMZ, Lohan allegedly tried to get a letter of recommendation from the L.A. County Coroner’s Office, where she’s been working off her community service. The office declined to provide one, despite the fact that Lindsay has been working harder at the morgue than Kim K. has been working on her marriage. Okay, that one wasn’t as good. It still feels good though, doesn’t it?

[Photo: Splash News Online]

by (@JordanRuntagh)

Ok, For Real This Time: T.I. Released From Prison Again

Let’s try this again. T.I. is a free man once more after being released from prison yesterday. No, you’re not having deja vu; the rap star was initially sprung from the slammer on August 31st, but he only spent a day in his Atlanta-area halfway house before being ordered back into federal custody due to a “transport dispute.” Although the true reason is hotly debated by both sides, the official explanation from the Feds is that they weren’t down with T.I.’s luxury bus, as well as the unauthorized peeps on board. Apparently Tip can’t have whatever he likes. His wife “Tiny” Cottle calls BS, saying that the prison officials were fully aware of the pimped out ride, and even posed for pictures with it!

There were also rumors that the rapper conducted business aboard the bus with a camera crew for his upcoming VH1 reality series, but those reports have been fiercely denied by T.I. and his team. “T.I. did not intend to violate his transfer furlough or any other B.O.P. rules en route from the prison facility in Arkansas to the halfway house in Atlanta,” his lawyer Steve Sadow told TMZ. But now the issue has been resolved and T.I. has returned to the Dismas Charities halfway house, where he is to remain until September 29th. And not to worry, T.I. fans: the first pix released of him show that the King still has his swag.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Matthew Fox Detained By Police After Party Bus Brawl

We have to go back to the party bus, Kate! In sad, bizarre news that is not directly related to Katy Perry’s VMAs outfits (do. not. even. get. us. started.), allegedly Lost‘s Matthew Fox punched a party bus driver this past Saturday night in Cleveland. As if vomiting bachelorettes and and blow-up dolls flying out the sunroof weren’t enough of a professional hazard…

Reportedly the World War Z actor attempted to board a party bus in Cleveland driven by Heather Bormann, who informed Fox that, sadly, not every party bus is a Matthew Fox party bus. “He just kept staring at me with his mouth wide open and not saying anything,” Bormann told TMZ, who also indicated that she believed the actor had been drinking. “I told him, ‘You have to leave buddy. You are trespassing on my bus.'” Fox then allegedly “leaned in and started punching my crotch and breast.” The actor was detained by police but was not formally arrested before being released, meaning party bus drivers nation-wide can only stay on their guard…and wait.

by (@hallekiefer)

Sam Ronson Charged With DUI

If there’s anything this woman loves more than sporting a crisp fedora or dropping those club beats, it’s (allegedly) drinking and driving. TMZ reports that Samantha Ronson was charged with a DUI earlier today. LiLo‘s ex got slapped with two misdemeanor charges following her arrest last week, after being pulled over while returning to L.A. from a DJ gig in Las Vegas. Let’s just say if a passenger openly refuses to take a Breathalyzer test, it’s rarely a good sign. If convicted, Ronson would fact up to 6 months in jail and a $1,000 fine. Or, if she get a Lohan special, 6 months of lying by the pool while making baffling internet ads.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

by (@hallekiefer)

Paz De La Huerta Pleads Guilty To Harassment

Taking a short break from making brownish maroon lipstick seem like a reasonable fashion choice, earlier today Paz de la Huerta plead guilty to harassment of The City star Samantha Swetra. The charge stems from an incident back in March at a Manhattan hotel bar, where the Boardwalk Empire actress punched and threw a glass at the former reality star during an argument over whether Swetra should be technically considered a real actress: a conversation that, while important, typically shouldn’t result in a gushing nose bleed.

De la Huerta still has to reckon with a civil suit from Swetra, who’s lawyer Stephanie Ovadia said they would “pursue the case vigorously.” Part of Paz’s plea deal entails performing a day of community service and twelve weeks of alcohol counseling. “I’m extremely glad this is over,” Paz said after leaving court, hopefully to never, ever run into a Kardashian in real life.

by (@hallekiefer)

Nicki Minaj Fined $1,000 For Swearing, Sexy Dancing In Jamaica

Not that she wouldn’t be a profoundly talented artist even without the foul mouth and booty shaking that can be seen from space, but having Nicki Minaj fined for “sexual dance moves and explicit lyrics” kind of seems to defeat the entire purpose of a Nicki Minaj concert, right? While visiting Jamaica’s Sumfest 2011 this past weekend, the Pink Friday rapper got served with a summons upon leaving the Catherine Hall complex in Montego Bay. Her crime? Basically just putting on a concert most of us would actually shell out $75 to see.

Instead of arguing that you can’t very well ask the sun not to shine or a bird not to dutty wine in a skin-tight bodysuit, Nicki Minaj, the new face of MAC Viva Glam along with Ricky Martin, plead guilty and paid the fine. What else could she do?  She’s just lucky the cops didn’t get their hands on the “Super Bass” video, or Nicki would be serving three consecutive life sentences.

by (@hallekiefer)

On Trial, John Galliano Blames “Triple Addiction” For Hitler Remarks

In case you’re wondering what it would take for someone to proclaim “I love Hitler” on-camera, apparently the answer is a “triple addiction” to alcohol, Valium and sleeping pills. Yeah, but even then….  John Galliano’s trial for anti-Semitism kicked off today in Paris, during which the former Dior designer claimed it was his substance abuse lead to his remarks, claiming, “I have a triple addiction. I’m a recovering alcoholic and a recovering addict. After every creative high, I would crash and the alcohol helped me.” Alcohol, and giving mad props for the man behind the Holocaust, apparently.

As you may recall, John Galliano’s anti-Semitic rant featured the fashion icon ranting at fellow patrons at a cafe, declaring “People like you would be dead today. Your mothers, your forefathers would be f—ing gassed,” in addition to giving a shout-out to the Fuhrer. Subsequently Dior fired Galliano, ostensibly to limit the public’s mental association between “couture evening gowns” and “the Holocaust.” Prosecutors would like him fined $14,400, as making “public insults based on origin, religious affiliation, race or ethnicity” is illegal in France. However, depending on the findings of the jury, Galliano could be slapped with a fine of up to $33,000 and/or six months in prison. The designer says the person who made those comments, which he claims not to remember, was “the shell of John Galliano…someone who needs help.” Also, a sixth-grade history lesson.