Celebrity Family Feud

by (@hallekiefer)

Katherine Jackson Regains Guardianship Of MJ’s Kids; Somehow We’re Even More Confused

Katherine Jackson Gets Back Guardianship of MJ's Kids

As if we didn’t feel bad enough for the Jackson family (La Toya is the one who got a reality show on OWN?)(Just kidding, you know we’ll DVR that), matriarch Katherine Jackson is now alleging she may have been tricked or coerced into going to a spa in Arizona in July. The woman is a grandma, people! Come on! As you might recall while sighing heavily and shaking your head, Paris Jackson‘s memaw lost custody of her grandkids to TJ Jackson after leaving the state and becoming incommunicado for an extended period of time. Fortunately Katherine regained shared custody of the kids as of today, so we have to ask…what is even going on? What was the game plan here, people? Whoever’s the mastermind behind this whole disaster needs to go back to the drawing board, because we don’t understand any aspect of this whatsoever.

As we tried valiantly to break down for you last week, Katherine left Cali a few weeks ago to attend her sons’ Unity Tour performance in New Mexico. Instead, she ended up at a spa in a different state with daughter Rebbie, where upon Katherine says her phones and iPad were taken from her. While Katherine assumed her grandkids knew of her whereabouts, her disappearance actually caused them to flip out and alert the authorities. You know, like someone might do if his or her grandma suddenly stopped answering her phone. “At the time, I trusted the people I was with to be honest with me,” Katherine says in documents filed today as part of her bid to get back guardianship of MJ’s kids. Mistake number one, we guess.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Paris Jackson, We Gently Urge You To Stop Fighting With Your Family On Twitter

Paris Jackson Fights With Family On Twitter

At it’s best, Twitter is a place to both post one-liners and foster revolution (Shout out to the Arab Spring! Heeeey!) At it’s worst, Twitter (and Facebook and Tumblr and..) is a place where people air the dirtiest of their laundries. We guess what we’re saying is: Paris Jackson, stop fighting with your family on Twitter! That’s what angry texts are for! “@randyjackson8 hello dear FAMILY member i don’t appreciate you telling everyone things that aren’t true thank you very much,” Paris allegedly tweeted this evening at her uncle Randy Jackson. According to TMZ, Michael Jackson‘s daughter was allegedly referring to a letter “leaked” this week in which several of her uncles claim the incompetence of John Branca and John McClain, the executors of MJ’s estate, have caused their mom Katherine Jackson to have a “mini-stroke” due to stress. The only problem? According to Paris, that’s…all made up. The stroke part, at least.

“i am going to clarify right now that what has been said about my grandmother is a rumor and nothing has happened , she is completely fine,” Paris declared. “at this point i dont care what people call me or if they think i’m a bad person… if it means sticking up for my grandmother i will do it .” Paris has since deleted the tweet directed at her uncle, but still seems to be fuming. “fighting fire with fire only gets you burned… well i say maybe we need a little spark in our lives ‪#ComeAtMeBro,” she posted. No, do not come at her, bro! And if you do, please let it be via passive-aggressive voicemail! Ugh, but that can be leaked, too. Singing telegram?

by (@hallekiefer)

Nick Carter Misses Leslie Carter’s Funeral Due To Family’s “Complicated Dynamic”

Even if you didn’t spent junior year of high school blasting Leslie Carter‘s “Like Wow!” while driving all your friends to Dairy Queen (we know it wasn’t just us), the singer’s death at 25 due to a reported prescription drug overdose is nothing short of a tragedy. Equally tragic, however, is the implied family drama involving the rest of the House of Carters clan. “I wanted to be at my sister’s funeral, but my family has always had a complicated dynamic,” older brother and Backstreet Boy Nick Carter reported to TMZ. The singer declined to give more details about his statement, which just makes it seem even sadder, if you ask us.

While Leslie was laid to rest in Upstate New York on Sunday, Nick instead opted to go through with a scheduled performance at iHeart Performance Studio in Bala Cynwyd, PA. Added Carter, “There are so many emotions for me surrounding the loss of my sister. I am trying to stay healthy, positive, and focused.” Sounds like we’re going to have to go find Leslie’s single in our childhood closet and take a ride in the ol’ Toyota Corolla again. If we remember correctly, her song was excellent bubblegum pop, which is exactly what we need right about now.

by (@hallekiefer)

Steven Tyler’s Alleged Engagement Not Popular With His Friends And Family

On the surface of things, a 63-year-old man proposing to his lady friend of five years doesn’t seem all that surprising, right? When it comes to singer Steven Tyler’s engagement to girlfriend Erin Brady, however, his friends and family are allegedly acting like he’s a high school senior proposing with his grandmother’s ring. According to TMZ, some of Tyler’s family members are vocally miffed that they did not know about the proposal until after the American Idol judge popped the question. What, did they think Steven was just going to run down the clock on this one? Dodge the matrimonial bullet on the technicality of death?

As you may have suspected if you’ve ever been to a tense family engagement party, the underlying issue at hand doesn’t seem to be the unexpectedness of the proposal, so much as the woman on the receiving end of the rock. “She’s just not nice,” a source sniffs about Brady, while another adds, “She’s just been mean to the family.” In their defense, rumors of Brady’s negative influence on Tyler abound, not least in part due her participation in a club brawl back in 2007. Unfortunately, unless Erin was the mastermind behind Steven Tyler’s shower fall (or something equally as horrifying), the Aerosmith frontman is free to get down on his rickety knees in front of any long-term girlfriend he pleases.

by (@hallekiefer)

No One Is A Fan Of Madonna This Week

Madonna has never been universally loved (we’re still surprised hydrangeas haven’t risen up against her, The Happening-style), but recently events suggest that Madge’s approval rating is the lowest it’s been since we listened to American Life all the way through that one time. For example, Madonna was booed at her W.E. premiere at the BFI London Film Festival this weekend, reportedly after fans felt ignored by her brief stint on the red carpet. “I do know what it is like to be misunderstood on a global scale,” she told Sky News at the event. Good thing the world still has A League Of Their Own to balance out some of this Madge-centric negativity. We could watch that movie on a thousand-year loop and never get tired of it. Never.

Sadder than a rowdy fanbase, though, is Madonna’s brother Anthony Ciccone, who told news site The Michigan Messenger that he is currently homeless and living under a bridge in Traverse City, Michigan. “My family turned their back on me, basically, when I was having a hard time,” Madge’s elder sibling claimed. “You think I haven’t answered this kind of question a bazillion times – why my sister is a multibazillionaire, and I’m homeless on the street?” Yeah, we imagine a few viewings of League wouldn’t do much to patch up that familial relationship. Not that it would hurt, of course, but yeah…not much help.

by (@hallekiefer)

Beyonce’s Dad Denies Embezzling While Her Manager

When your daughter is literally queen of pop music and more internationally recognizable than the President, why, oh why would have to steal from her? According to TMZ, Beyonce’s father denies embezzling money from his daughter while her manager, filing legal documents to that affect following allegations from tour company Live Nation Entertainment. Mathew Knowles asserts that the company informed Beyonce that her father “had stolen money from Beyonce on her most recent tour or otherwise taken funds that [he] was not entitled to,” which lead to her letting him go. Papa Knowles is claiming that the allegations are false, despite the fact that Beyonce herself ordered the audit which revealed her dad’s shady dealings. As if Bey couldn’t have snapped her fingers and made diamonds rain down on him if she so chose. We’re 90% sure she can; she’s just really down-to-earth so she hates to show off.

Beyonce fired her dad as manager in March, explaining at the time, “He is my father for life and I love my dad dearly,” but declining to elaborate further. Knowles is currently seeking to depose several Live Nation employees to discover how they know he was taking funds. So…not exactly the best way to deny it, right? Couldn’t he have just gone through Beyonce’s purse instead? What’s a few (dozen) rolls of hundos between family members?

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Nicolas Cage Lashes Out At Son Weston’s Mother: “Get Some Help”

Weston Cage may have been hospitalized after attacking a trainer reportedly sent by father Nicolas Cage to find him, but as far as dad is in concerned, it’s the 20-year-old’s mother, former girlfriend Christina Fulton, who isn’t well. “I hope Ms. Fulton will come to her senses one day and get some help,” said Nic after learning his ex was seeking conservatorship of Weston. “Weston is a man. I have complete faith he will weather this well.” Weston himself said he wanted “no contact” with his mother, stating. “[I] will never undergo the torment she put me through ever again.” The actress blamed Nic for Weston’s emotional problems when talking the media last week.

Nic’s rebuke not so coincidentally came the same day he settled a lawsuit with Fulton, who sought $13 million from the megastar after he failed to provide the promised title to her and Weston’s home, removing Weston from the property when he turned 18 and evicting her. She also accused the elder Cage of emotional and physical abuse. The details of the settlement have not been disclosed.

[Photos: Getty Images]

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Weston Cage Bans Mom From Hospital, Father Nic Searched For Him Before Fight

Christina Fulton may blame Nicolas Cage for their son Weston’s meltdown, but the 20-year-old must not share the sentiment. TMZ says Weston won’t let his mother visit him in the hospital, claiming the pair (who hit red carpets together until about 2008) are estranged and that he’s furious Fulton talked to the media after his arrest.

Speaking of Weston’s arrest, it turns out he may have been upset about more than what his trainer would let him eat when he tried to roundhouse kick the man in LA last week. Kevin Villegas was reportedly sent by the elder Cage to find Weston after he went missing, and that Weston quickly grew violent once discovered. Nic told Kevin to call 911, which sparked the scuffle between the handled and his handler. Weston is reportedly considering pressing charges, though that would probably depend on whether he’s as mad at this father as he is at his mom.

[Photos: Getty Images/WireImage]

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Weston Cage’s Mom Blames Dad Nic Cage For His Emotional Problems

If you thought being Nic Cage‘s son must be hard, Christina Fulton agrees with you. Weston Cage, her son with the famous actor, remains hospitalized after attacking his personal trainer at a restaurant yesterday, and Fulton is lashing out at Nic to the press. “My son is in trouble, he’s in the hospital right now and he’s under some really good care so that makes me very happy,” she said  “But I’m pretty pissed off because his father, um, he’s affected by his father and that’s why he’s in that hospital.” Nic was in the ambulance with his son at the scene, with Weston strapped to a gurney after police feared he was still unstable after the incident.

While Fulton hasn’t made any specific allegations yet, it won’t be hard for her to get sympathy, especially after Nic Cage’s arrest in New Orleans this April, following a series of bizarre public breakdowns culminating with Nic daring police to arrest him after he argued with his wife over which house they were staying in.  So far the elder Cage has yet to comment on yesterday’s drama.

[Photos: Getty Images/WireImage]

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Denise Richards Denies Charlie Sheen Weekend Visits With Kids

Sure, Denise Richards might have brought the kids along to NY when daddy had a hooker locked in a hotel closet next door, but she was with them, remember? The actress met with ex-husband Charlie Sheen at a lawyer’s office in LA yesterday, where, according to TMZ, Richards put the smackdown on Sheen’s request to spend weekends with their daughters Sam and Lola. It’s not clear why she’s opposed to the idea, but it probably has something to do with Charlie calling her Denise a “kidnapper b—h” on stage during his Violent Torpedo Of Truth tour, among other things…like that whole hooker/meltdown deal, maybe. Fool her once, you know?

Between this and talk of Richards wanting to bond with fellow Sheen ex Brooke Mueller, we’re going to assume Charlie still has some unkind words for mommy, though he’s managed to keep them off Twitter for the moment and focus on that Snoop Dogg track about “Winning.” Denise, on the other hand, is happy to tweet cute things the kids are up to. “Lola asked me if I could take her to Nordstroms to get a pair of shoes a girl had at school..she asked if I ever heard of that store..#cute.” Gee, way to rub it in! You know Charlie would love to take Lola to Nordstroms…or at least have his goddess do it.

[Photo: Getty Images/]