Quit sharpening your swords and making blood oaths everyone: Michael J. Fox and Taylor Swift are cool! Well, obviously they are cool. If we could pick three celebs to have lunch with, they would be two of them. (The third would be Jesus, since he could just take his lunch and make four lunches. Free personal pan pizza, ya’ll!) We mean they are cool, in as much as Taylor is not offended about those hilariously mean jokes Michael J. Fox made at her expense this week about dating his son Sam. That kind of cool.
“Hey everybody, Michael J. Fox got in touch with me today and we are good. Thank you for having my back,” TSwift tweeted this afternoon. Frankly, we think it’s a testament to Taylor’s sweetness that she was able to get over comments like “Taylor Swift writes songs about everybody she goes out with, right? What a way to build a career.” and song title suggestions like “‘Sam, You Piece of S—'” so quickly. She probably reasoned that Michael J. Fox might want to be able to use the Internet at some point in the future without all her fans nailing him to the cyber wall. Does anyone think we’ll look back at this moment and realize that this is how her relationship with Sam Fox actually started? Yeah, we think so too, Mwahahahaha!
[Photo: Getty Images]
Just when we had imagined Kate Middleton couldn’t feel worse, between the constantly vomiting and the tragic suicide of the nurse pranked by those Australian DJs attempting to contact Middleton, Morrissey steps in to rake her over the coals. Yes, the singer Morrissey. Why? Aw, it’s sweet you still think these things have to have a why. “It wasn’t because of two DJs in Australia that this woman took her own life — it was the pressure around her,” the singer told New Zealand’s 3News, declaring that Kate “feels no shame about the death of this woman. She’s saying nothing about the death of this poor woman. The arrogance of the British royals is absolutely staggering.” Whaaaaaa?
If that wasn’t harsh enough, Moz also accused Kate of having an eating disorder. “Does she have a health condition?” he mused. “Is it anorexia or is it pregnancy? I mean, morning sickness already? So much hoo haw and then suddenly as bright as a button as soon as this poor woman dies she’s out of hospital? It doesn’t ring true.” While we’ll see if we can dig up some more info on the MEDICAL DEGREE Morrissey must have obtained recently, we gather five of the most off-the-wall feuds Moz has gotten into in recent history. It ain’t like this is a new thing.
American Psycho author/ amateur d-bag Bret Easton Ellis cranked his douche ray up to 11 last night, putting Zero Dark Thirty director Kathryn Bigelow on blast for being a hot lady. Lord, why did you let us invent Twitter? “Kathryn Bigelow would be considered a mildly interesting filmmaker if she was a man but since she’s a very hot woman she’s really overrated,” Ellis tweeted. From there it was a breeze collecting the author’s douchiest tweets. (Well, douchiest in the past few months. There are too many to count!) Can we be honest though? As douchetacular as Bret Easton Ellis clearly, clearly is…a lot of his tweets are pretty funny. We know! We’re so weak! However, at the end of the day, isn’t it possible to think someone or something is a total douche but still enjoy them? We hope so! That’s the basis of our enjoying anything!
How long have we been been saying it: musician Shooter Jennings is the new Taylor Swift! At least when it comes to his interpersonal relationship with John Mayer at least. In fact, it was the very Rolling Stone article where Mayer discussed Swift’s “humiliating” “Dear John” song that set Jennings off on a truly delightful Twitter tirade. “I love how the “neil young of our generation” self-naming king douche grows his hair out + buys a place in Montana just to do RS article,” the country music DJ and songwriter snarled this evening. “Claims he’s “done w hollywood game” and has “roots” and then immediately cuts hair, goes back to hollywood clubs + starts banging Katy Perry.” Yikes! That does sound like great material for yet another anti-John Taylor Swift song though, doesn’t it? Unless Shooter wants it? You guys will work it out!
Jennings makes no claims about actually knowing John Mayer in real life, which sort of makes this rant even funnier. Oh, in addition to John Mayer not having a Twitter, meaning he’ll have to make some kind of official statement if he wants to even comment on Shooter’s rant. “That’s enough, John Mayer.” Shooter concluded. “Sorry to s– talk. Lord knows not everybody likes my ass. But seeing that RS in my friggin bathroom & reading the narcissistic drivel…” We’re calling it now: Shooter Jennings/Taylor Swift duet 2013. Count it!
[Photo: Getty Images]
When it comes to being the leader of the Free World, it would probably behoove you to remain neutral on totally inconsequential pop culture feuds. Unfortunately, common sense behooves you to recognize Mariah Carey as the flawless diva genius she is, which is why we’re assuming President Obama decided to hype her on Michael Yo‘s radio show over Nicki Minaj. “Mariah. She’s actually done some events for us. I’ve gotten to know her and Nick [Cannon]. She’s a wonderful lady,” POTUS said when asked which of the two AI judges he preferred. According to TMZ, he added “Nicki, I don’t know, but I’ve got her on my iPod.” Shouldn’t have done that Mitt Romney shout out, girl!
Despite the explosive antagonism that two divas can bring to a reality competition show, Obama is certain Nicki and Mariah can make peace. “I think that they are going to be able to sort it out,” the President opined. “I am confident.” Says Obama, “I’m all about bringing people together, working for the same cause. I think both outstanding artists are going to be able to make sure that they’re moving forward and not going backwards.” So basically if you continue this feud, ladies, you’re letting down the President. Something to think about when you notice the other one’s dressing room is 4″ inches wider or their mid-morning massage 30 seconds longer.
[Photo: Getty Images]
We don’t know what’s more harrowing: the content of the phone call Lindsay Lohan placed from her limo fight with mother Dina Lohan last night, or the fact that her father Michael Lohan would turn around and give the audio from said call to TMZ. Both are depressing, but considering the content of Lindsay’s tirade, we’re going to go with the latter. “Dad, she’s on cocaine. She’s like touching her neck, and s—,” Lindsay says of Dina over the phone. “She’s threatening everyone in the car.” Lilo also reveals that she gave her mother $40,000 to “keep her house.” “Give me my 40 grand back!” Lohan cries. You can listen to the full audio here, but honestly just imagine the saddest thing you’ve ever heard and you’re pretty much there. “You tricked me,” Lindsay weeps during the call. See? We were not joking.
But as baffling as the call itself might seems to everyone else in the universe, what’s more perplexing is that Lindsay and Dina have apparently made up. Or at least made up to the point that they’re willing to hug each other outside Dina’s Long Island home, according to photos snapped of the pair today. We genuinely don’t know what to feel about this whole situation. Oh, except total and complete sadness. Of course.
[Photo: Splash News Online]
Things are getting cray! We thought the video of Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj getting into it behind the scenes at American Idol was absurd, but we’re even more shocked that Nick Cannon would openly talk about the incident with Access Hollywood. He doesn’t say anything mean of course, but still. We have to assume his publicist was having a stroke off-camera. “Of course I’ve heard about it,” Cannon laughed this morning about the drama. “I feel like it’s taking away from the quality of what Idol is all about.” When it comes to placing blame, however, Nick isn’t throwing Minaj or (unsurprisingly) his own spouse under the bus. “I’m kind of disappointed in Fox and everything because they’re taking away from the quality,” Nick opined, even postulating that the show is actively courting drama. “Otherwise, how else would all of that stuff get on TMZ?,” he muses. Well, based on the fight footage, it seems pretty clear who ver was taping the blow-out did so secret. So our guess would be…via a newly unemployed AI staff or crew member?
As if the tense shouting match wasn’t enough, according to TMZ, Nicki Minaj allegedly made a violent threat toward Mariah during an unrecorded moment. “If I had a gun I would shoot her,” the “Pound The Alarm” singer raged. Well, if that’s true, you certainly don’t see Carey reacting to it in any way. According to AI‘s Nigel Lythgoe, “The statement [that Nicki made a death threat] is absolute rubbish. It’s absolutely not true in any way, shape or form.” Said Cannon, “My wife is the strongest and the classiest woman I’ve ever met. If you watch the video, she just maintains her composure. I don’t think she’s moved by the theatrics and pageantry of it all.” We don’t think so either! And honestly, does anyone believe this is the first time two famous people got into a screaming fight? For all we know, Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler were at each other’s perfumed, scarf-adorned throats every day last season. There was just no leaked video to tip off us normals.
[Photo: Getty Images]
So, Christina Aguilera and Lady Gaga really, really don’t have any beef among them. Isn’t that a story we’ve been hearing forever now? It all started when Christina released the video to her song Keeps Gettin’ Better, in 2010, and the comparisons to Gaga began. It became so rife that celebrity sides were being drawn. Akon even told VIBE, “I miss the old Christina Aguilera. I like the old one better than the new one. Honestly, Gaga and Christina could probably get together and do something that’s amazing. But that’s impossible if they are both trying to do the same exact thing musically … I just think [Aguilera] just needs to believe in herself more. I think sometimes she gets insecure because of all of the success Gaga has had not realizing that she was already successful before Gaga came out.”
Ouch, right? So obviously, out of all this, news that Christina wasn’t exactly Mother Monster’s biggest fan emerged. Something Xtina denied, of course. Christina said there was no feud between them, and even posted a letter on her website about. Read the post about it here. A section of it stated, “I have absolutely nothing against Lady Gaga or any other female artist in this business. I think she is great, and I appreciate any woman fearless enough to go against the norm …” But now, in a case which could turn into deja vu, Christina just released her new single Your Body. And while no comparisons to Gaga gave arisen just yet, guess who just tweeted her. You got it … Lady Gaga.
That sounds like a compliment on first read. But look closer. Is it really? “Seems the old Christina I loved …” Isn’t the “old Christina” supposed to be the Christina who was trying to be Lady Gaga? We don’t know. It could be innocent. Or it could be Gaga’s wicked sense of humor coming into play!
[Photo: Getty Images/ Twitter]
Have we really not had a truly epic VMA beef since Kanye went totally Kanye and snatched Taylor Swift‘s mic in 2009? How time flies. Tonight the MTV VMAs honor those artists who have crafted a truly superior piece of visual art to accompany their music. But a well-crafted celebrity feud? Well, that’s even harder to come by. So we went ahead and predicted some fantasy VMA celebrity feuds for them, just to get the ball rolling! It’s like using The Secret, except you probably shouldn’t use The Secret to have someone yank out Lana Del Rey’s weave…
Wow, this could not have gone worse, could it? According to Olympic soccer badass Hope Solo, her Dancing With The Stars partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy was downright punishing in his teaching methods last fall. Then it just gets worse from there. “He manhandled me in rehearsals from the start, pushing me, whacking my stomach, bending my arms roughly,” she wrote in her new memoir Solo: A Memoir of Hope, all of which lead up to an incident before last fall’s Halloween show. Revealed Solo, “He wanted my head in a specific position. To achieve that, he slapped me across the face. Hard.” We can all agree that’s horrible, right? Hope then explains that she didn’t report Maksim to DWTS officials because “she didn’t want to end [his] career.” What…what did you think was going to happen when you wrote it in a book, permanently and for all to see?
So what’s the best way for Maksim to reply to Hope’s allegations? Correct! The answer is: send a few ambiguously outraged tweets. “Always hated hypocrites and liars … but when someone is both AND an opportunist, I just feel bad for them. Can’t win at someone’s expense,” the dance pro declared on Twitter. We wonder what kind of hypocrisy Chemerkovskiy might be referring too. Also, what “opportunity” could Hope possibly gain from revealing that her dance partner hit her for no reason whatsoever? What…what is he even talking about? This whole situation is not good. Not good at all.
[Photo: Getty Images]