Celebrity Gossip

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Reports: Michael Jackson Has Skin-Eating Superbug

A few years back South Park did a genius episode where Michael Jackson moved to the neighborhood calling himself “Mr Jefferson,” won over Cartman’s affection but freaked all the kids out at the end where his face started falling off. Who knew they were so prescient? Reports now claim that the star is suffering from a serious “superbug” infection on his face and is receiving heavy-duty antibiotics to try and curtail the MRSA-style disease.

“Experts warned it threatened to develop into a terrifying flesh-eating disorder which could kill off areas of the superstar’s skin and leave him in need of major reconstructive surgery,” says The Sun.

The troubled pop legend has been snapped visiting a Beverley Hills clinic with his hands and face “visibly inflamed with red and purple blotches.” ¬†Bleee! Of course, this surely won’t affect Jacko’s planned comeback and rumored world tour. True fans can always see past a frightening, swollen, infected face, can’t they? [Photo: Splash News Online]

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Jessica Simpson To Bring Out Curvy Clothing Range

Two weeks is a long time for a celebrity – in the few days it take us to pay our cell phone bill and throw out that moldering cheese in the back of the fridge, they’ve capitalised on a tabloid witch-hunt with a new marketing tool. Only a few days after being ridiculously pilloried for rocking a few curves, Jessica Simpson is bringing out a clothing range for women of “every figure.”

“I’ve been judged a lot in my life. By now I know what works if you’re curvy. If my clothing and accessories make you feel great and let you walk proud and tall – in big, big platform shoes – then I’m happy,” she told InStyle magazine.

Way to go in super-fast time, Jessica! [Photo: Splash News Online]

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Mischa Barton Gets Too Skinny

WTF is going on? First Lindsay Lohan gets all nostalgic for her 2005 self and is pictured looking super-skinny, and now Mischa Barton wants to recapture those heady days when she was overexposed and underweight. Pictures of the star at the Elie Saab fashion show in Paris contrast scarily with snaps of her looking far healthier just four months ago. We know she’s nursing a broken heart at the moment (although Mischa, he was batting far above his average there), but please eat a croissant or something! What next, Rachel Zoe becomes the stylist du jour again? Sienna Miller brings back boho chic? They were bad days, people. [Photos: Getty, WireImage]

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Brad And Angelina Pop Out For Curry As Kids Cause Chaos

They may have looked as if they would rather be jogging barefoot on hot coals than attend the BAFTAs this Sunday, but Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie clearly had a lot more fun after the bash than during it. The pair “snubbed” the official after-show party and instead headed down to a non-glitzy Indian restaurant for a curry. We like! Rocking up at the Noor Jahan restaurant with celeb mates Claudia Schiffer, Matthew Vaughan and Robert Downey Jr, Brangelina enjoyed a traditional English Indian feast.

“The other customers loved it and were very happy to see them … Brad and Angelina seemed to love the food, too. They ate it all,” says very happy owner Shauyab Ahmed.

Meanwhile, though, a guest at the five-star Dorchester hotel where the clan was staying was less pleased, as allegedly the Rainbow Family was running amok. Pax, Maddox, Shiloh and Zahara’s playing caused such a racket that fed-up guests complained.

“They were running up and down the hallway for over an hour. Their nanny tried to quiet them down and move them out the way when people came through. But she had her hands full with the four of them,” reports the Sun.

This actually sounds like a normal parents night out. Pop out for cheap curry, return to find your kids have embarrassed you with the sitter. But don’t these guests know that they’re celebrity children? And therefore should be allowed any whims of bad behavior? Otherwise what will they get in trouble for in years to come? [Photo: Splash News Online]

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Courtney Love: Woman Of The Year

Officially. We Brits love eccentric outsiders, and hey, Courtney Love‘s pretty much defined this. But it was still a leftfield decision that saw British Elle magazine name La Love their Woman Of The Year at the Elle Style Awards last night. It could have been Cheryl Cole, who’s transformed from pop star into national treasure. Nah, too obvious. It could have been Adele, Estelle or Duffy, for making it big internationally. Boring! It could have been Kate Winslet, for combining a stellar career, motherhood and supreme hotness. Dullsville! No, we would prefer to honor someone who’s spent the year scribbling incoherent blogs, flashing the paps wearing fashion roadkill and throwing her daughter a “Suicidal 16″ birthday party. Surely there’ve been better years for Courtney?

Never mind, she still rocks. And is it just us, or does she look a hell of a lot like Madonna at the ceremony in London last night? Freaksome. [Photo: Getty Images]

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The Beckhams Are Still Having Sex

When you’ve been married for nearly ten years, have three kids PLUS a pair of international jet-setting careers to look after, heaven knows having sex is the last thing on your minds, no? Hey, we’ve all been there, haven’t we? Oh. But it’s positive to see that David and Victoria Beckham are keeping the spark alive in their relationship after spending a dirty romantic 24 hours together in a London hotel. The pair checked into London’s swish Claridges for a meal at mate Gordon Ramsay’s restaurant Maze followed by um, some special time alone in their suite ahead of Valentine’s Day, which they’ll be spending apart. Ahhh, bless. Now we just have to stop those mental images in our mind. For some odd reason, it’s as disturbing as imagining our parents doing it. Oh no. Make it stop! [Photo: ¬†Splash News Online]

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Katie Price: Notice Me, Look At Me!

“Hi America! I’m Katie Price. You’ve probably noticed me hanging out in L.A. with my wicked pink boots, pink tracksuit and going to the shops all day long like a normal boring person. But I’m not! I’m controversial and sexy – in the UK I’m really famous for being a glamor model and getting my t*ts out all the time, and then reinventing myself as a businesswoman with millions in the bank. (Still I can’t resist always talking about blowjobs with my husband Peter Andre in our reality show – just to show Britain I’m still shocking!) Anyway, you’ve just caught me coming out of the Trashy Lingerie shop with a bag full of naughty purchases. Wild! And, what – do I have a “sexy” mask still on? Oh, I didn’t realize! How funny! Still, it’ll make you all realize how sexy and controversial I am, innit? Byeee!” [Photo: Splash News Online]

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Peaches Geldof To Divorce

We can barely muster the enthusiasm to type this, so obvious was it from the moment it happened, but, guess what? Irritating British socialite Peaches Geldof is to divorce her husband Max Drummey! Never! Youre joking! Etc. Even more infuriating is the press statement she’s issued to confirm the news. As if it was a real marriage, or something.

After much soul-searching we have made the mutual decision to end our marriage and have agreed to go our separate ways. Our parting is amicable and both of us still respect and care about each other immensely. There were no other people involved in this decision and we both look forward to a future as good friends.”

How noble of you both. Congratulations on making it so far in the first place. Now please find a less immature way of getting attention next time, Peaches. And perhaps searching out a good tattoo removal place for that Max inking on your wrist could be a good first step as a single girl? [Photo: Splash News Online]

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Dita Advises Sex In Credit Crunch Times, But Not Threesomes

We’re big fans of burlesque superstar Dita Von Teese, which is why it’s heartening to hear she’s back in the saddle, so to speak. After spending a year celibate following her divorce from Marilyn Manson, she reckons now she’s turned into a right perv.

“Let’s say I’m enjoying myself at the moment. I have suddenly become quite lecherous and it’s fun. I absolutely adore good sex. Like anyone, I think about sex a lot and let’s face it, in times like these it’s one thing you can really enjoy because it doesn’t cost a thing, she tells Fabulous magazine.

However, we should also take heed and not go too crazy on the old indoor activities. Apparently, making it more than a couple party is so not the way to go.

When I was younger I used to think I’d be the best girlfriend I could and invite a female friend for a threesome, but it always backfired. I’d suggest thinking about other ways to make sex exciting, she counsels.

Thanks Dita! We love you. But how did the threesomes always backfire? The mind boggles. [Photo: Getty Images]