Chris Brown is not feeling the loving vibe this Valentine’s Day. Not only is he still dealing with the legal fall-out from his epic nightclub brawl with Drake last summer, but he also got threatened by a man who claims to be a member of L.A.’s notorious Crips gang!
When you’re someone like Bill Maher, and you’re paid to make jokes on television, we assume it’s pretty hard to believe that people are going to take things you say, for instance, on Jay Leno’s couch, seriously. But when you’re someone like Donald Trump, who probably has millions of employees ready to act on his very whim, you can take everything seriously — particularly if it earns you a bit of publicity. Which, apparently, Donald Trump still craves. That’s our assessment of this crazypants lawsuit with which Trump has just slapped the Real Time host. It all began with this joking exchange Maher made on the Tonight Show a month ago:
Playing off of Trump’s unfounded Obama birther accusations and last fall’s irritating request for the president to make his college transcripts public in exchange for a $5 million donation from Trump to a charity of Obama’s choice, Maher offered $5 million to a charity of Trump’s choice if he could prove his father is not an orangutan. (This inspired by the unnatural color of the real estate mogul’s hair.) The next day, Trump actually had one of his flunkies send Maher a copy of his birth certificate (also obtained by Yahoo), naming Fred Trump as his father.
Between getting accused of stealing a credit card to purchase a penis pump, allegedly deafening a woman with an aluminum gondola (no, we will not let that go) and fathering a stranger’s fictitious baby, Justin Bieber has been on the receiving end of some pretty hysterical lawsuits this year. The new lawsuit claiming he assaulted one of his former bodyguards, however? Significantly less so. According to TMZ, Moshe Benabou has allegedly accused the “Beauty And A Beat” singer of assault and battery after Justin allegedly “punched him in the chest multiple times during a disagreement about how to handle a member of Bieber’s entourage.” Interestingly, this is the same security guard who brawled with a paparazzo in February of last year; he was let go in October 2012. Man, things get really intense when you hang with Bieber. We thought the worst you’d have to worry about would be all the horrible beef jerky and Mountain Dew farts.
Sadly, this isn’t the first time the Biebs has been accused of Hulking out on someone. As you might recall, he got sued by a paparazzo back in May; Justin allegedly got physical after the photographer pursued him and Selena Gomez through Calabasas, California. Benabou is also seeking $420,000 worth of unpaid overtime, but sources claim he is merely “disgruntled employee looking for money.” Ah, but can’t it be both? It’s probably both. Or just one. We don’t want to argue about it! Justin’s tiny fists would shatter us like glass!
[Photo: Splash News Online]
We should have known it was too good to be true. Only Celebrity Gossip Santa himself could have given us a gift as wonderful as Kevin Federline‘s older brother claiming to be the father of Britney Spears‘ eldest son. Us Weekly reported earlier today that Christopher Federline had filed a restraining order against Spears’ on December 18, claiming she had stolen his credit card and made some purchases. In his court papers, he casually mentions the fact that he is the father of Sean Preston. The Smoking Gun now reveals that the court papers were seemingly filed by convicted felon Jonathan Lee Riches. How could we be so gullible? The details of the story alone should have tipped us off that it was fake:
We’re not sure, but we’re willing to bet that there are a lot of people who’ve wanted to snap at Chris Brown over the years. So when his lawyer laid a verbal smack-down on the singer yesterday in court, it felt pretty cathartic. Sadly, it wasn’t about his horrendous Halloween costume, but we take what we can get. Brown was in the midst of yet another probation hearing for his 2009 assault case against Rihanna, this one stemming from the drug use suspicions back in September.
While seeking permission from the judge to go on a world concert tour, Breezy made the mistake of trying to address the court himself. His attorney Mark Geragos didn’t like this idea and shut Chris down immediately. ”I don’t dance, you don’t talk,” he told the 23-year-old star. Pwned. Even Judge Patricia Schnegg got a kick out of it, remarking with a laugh that she would enjoy seeing Geragos try to dance. She granted him permission to travel abroad, with the understanding that he check in afterwards to give a progress update. For the time being he remains under supervised probation, but this courtroom visit did not address the concerns raised during his last hearing that he didn’t complete his community service. He is due back in court on January 17th for another hearing.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Is it us, or are people getting more creative with the insane lawsuits they file against celebrities? We’re sure famous people have to fight unsubstantiated suits all the time, but lately these lawsuits have been elevated to an art form. Remember that amazing Kim Kardashian/Conrad Murray/Bernie Madoff mash-up lawsuit from this summer? Just today we got word that a lawsuit was filed against Justin Bieber for allegedly, um, stealing someone’s credit card to purchase a penis enlargement. Even with the knowledge that there is no way Justin needs to steal money for a penis enlargement (or anything else, for that matter), the suit is only as bizarre as the lawsuit Rihanna had filed against her today, which claims she allegedly, um, gave Chris Brown herpes. A fake Chris Brown. Even odder still, these two bizarre lawsuits have a lot in common. So much in common, in fact, that it’s genuinely hard to say which one is more insane. Let’s try to parse it out, shall we?
Wow, this news could not have been more poorly timed: TMZ is reporting that Britney Spears’ lawyers have blamed her breakup with Justin Timberlake, rather than drugs, for sending Spears on her downward spiral several years ago. On one hand, a bad break-up is definitely less depressing than amphetamines, the drug Brit’s former manager Sam Lutfi claimed caused her to go into crisis. On the other hand…Justin just got married to Jessica Biel a matter of hours ago. Spears’ lawyers couldn’t have called for a short recess until Monday, when the world wouldn’t be wondering about Jessica’s bridesmaids’ dresses or if Justin sang her a song at the reception, which you totally know he did?
According to her attorneys, Spears was a “ray of light” prior to the breakup, only to become “angered and depressed” after she and Justin parted ways. All of which is information we would be humiliated to hear spoken aloud in public, let alone in front of a judge. We hope Britney leaves court and immediately goes home to her new mansion, well-paying job, hot fiance and adorable kids. She needs to remind herself that, no matter how embarrassing it might be to have the inner workings of her most intimate relationships be exposed in court, she’s still Britney, bitch.
[Photo: Getty Images]
This is possibly one of the weirder lawsuits around. Last year, in December we posted about how a giant eucalyptus tree fell into Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart‘s home in Beverly Hills. L.A winds were reaching almost 100 mph at the time, and luckily, even though the couple were at home with their daughter, Billy Beatrice, no one was hurt. Rebecca had to visit the doctor the next day for a check-up as she was heavily pregnant at the time. It was all good, the fetus was fine and she ended up giving birth later that month, on the 28th to a daughter they named Georgia Geraldine. So that’s the last we expected to hear about the incident, nasty and stressful as it was. Not quite, because the fallen tree and the damage caused is now being linked to their very famous neighbor, Billy Corgan of The Smashing Pumpkins. The couple are taking him to court — they’ve already filed the suit at the L.A. County Superior Court — because it was his tree that fell on their home! Not kidding, guys. They’re suing for nuisance, negligence, and injunctive relief.
Dr. McSteamy Eric claims that he had warned Billy about the fact that the tree was a danger to everyone, and that Billy did nothing about it. Billy tells TMZ, “I was horrified when I learned about the tree falling during what was a massive storm, a storm with winds strong enough to uproot a 50 ft tree by its base! Thankfully no one was injured.” He says that he’s had any similar “dangerous” trees on his property assessed and uprooted by an expert but to be sued for an act of nature is “a shame … because [Eric and Rebecca] are nice people.” Warranted lawsuit or unnecessary — you decide.
[Photos: Getty Images]
We all just enjoyed a nice long weekend, the four-day work week is already 25% over and we got to see Jeremy Renner fight a machine gun-wielding witch in the Hansel And Gretel: Witch Hunters trailer: of course we had to hear some depressing news before the day was out! It’s just a matter of statistics! To wit, TMZ is reporting that William Shatner and his wife allegedly “harassed and berated” former employees Oscar and Delmy Alfaro until the handyman and housekeeper were forced to quit their jobs, despite their 20 employment history with the Shatners. Yup, that’s….that’s pretty terrible.
According to the Alfaros, who filed a lawsuit with the Los Angeles County Superior Court today, the Star Trek star and spouse allegedly persecuted them after Oscar got injured on the job and refused to sign a waiver. The couple is suing the Shatners for damages, claiming that they suffered “humiliation, embarrassment, and mental anguish in addition to the loss of earnings.” Oh lord, we hope this whole thing turns out not to be true. Is there no ironic television icon we can look to anymore? David Hasselhoff, you might be our last, best hope. Please do not betray us until at least next Wednesday, we beg of you!
[Photo: Getty Images]
Wow. We thought Kris Humphries had it bad when he was forced to try to subpoena Kanye with a Nordstrom box. Or when his ex girlfriend Myla Sinanaj was allegedly pregnant and talking to the press. Or when he got portrayed on Keeping Up With The Kardashians as Kim Kardashian‘s rude, boneheaded fiance. Getting sued over allegedly transmitting herpes, however, takes the humiliating cake. According to TMZ, a woman by the name of Kayla Goldberg contends that Kim’s ex knowingly gave her the STD during a one night stand back in August 2010. On one hand, it would be tempting to sue a celebrity for money in recompense for giving you herpes. On the other hand, now everyone knows that Kayla Goldberg was into Kris Humphries. Who cares about the herpes, Kayla? Don’t you remember when Kris allegedly called Kim “fat”? That is the real line here, people!
The sexual battery suit (which TMZ has available for your perusal) includes a lot of other embarrassing details, like the fact the two did not use a condom. We just heard the mothers of the world faint into a heap. And underneath that deafening thud? The low, victorious laugh of one Ms. Kim Kardashian, probably trying on Gucci, undoubtedly enjoying all of this.
[Photo: Getty Images]