celebrity memoirs

by (@hallekiefer)

Well, Hope Solo And Maksim Chmerkovskiy Sure Handled This DWTS Slapping Thing Badly

Hope Solo claims Maksim Chmerkovskiy slapped her in memoir

Wow, this could not have gone worse, could it? According to Olympic soccer badass Hope Solo, her Dancing With The Stars partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy was downright punishing in his teaching methods last fall. Then it just gets worse from there. “He manhandled me in rehearsals from the start, pushing me, whacking my stomach, bending my arms roughly,” she wrote in her new memoir Solo: A Memoir of Hope, all of which lead up to an incident before last fall’s Halloween show. Revealed Solo, “He wanted my head in a specific position. To achieve that, he slapped me across the face. Hard.” We can all agree that’s horrible, right? Hope then explains that she didn’t report Maksim to DWTS officials because “she didn’t want to end [his] career.” What…what did you think was going to happen when you wrote it in a book, permanently and for all to see?

So what’s the best way for Maksim to reply to Hope’s allegations? Correct! The answer is: send a few ambiguously outraged tweets. “Always hated hypocrites and liars … but when someone is both AND an opportunist, I just feel bad for them. Can’t win at someone’s expense,” the dance pro declared on Twitter. We wonder what kind of hypocrisy Chemerkovskiy might be referring too. Also, what “opportunity” could Hope possibly gain from revealing that her dance partner hit her for no reason whatsoever? What…what is he even talking about? This whole situation is not good. Not good at all.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Courtney Love To Publish Tell-All To End All Tell-Alls

We thought Courtney Love already wrote a tell-all; it was just published 140 characters at a time and lead to several different lawsuits. Luckily we were wrong and Courtney Love’s memoir is headed our way in Fall 2012, a fact her daughter Frances Bean is no doubt thrilled about. Plus it’s just in time for the Apocalypse! Coincidence? We hope so.

According to HarperCollins’ imprint William Morrow, the publisher putting out the as-yet untitled book, Courtney will team up with co-writer Anthony Bozza to reportedly “set the record straight” on everything from Courtney’s marriage to Kurt Cobain, her time with band Hole, her battle with drug addiction (a section on that alleged “Kelly Osbourne OD’ing incident” would be nice) and, with any luck, her role in Man on the Moon. Hey, it was a seriously unrated film, okay?

by (@hallekiefer)

Arnold Schwarzenegger Plans To Publish A Memoir

It’s not a tell-all! Now that he has a lot to write about, what with leaving office and fathering a child with another woman and all, it seems that Arnold Schwarzenegger’s memoir will be published in October 2012 with the tentative title of, wait for it,”Total Recall: My Unbelievably True Life Story.” So, of course, we had to brainstorm a few other potential titles, just so Arnold has a nice range:

  • The Running Man: My Journey To The Governor’s Office
  • Kindergarten Cop, And Other Jobs I Did Not Have During My Career
  • Jingle All The Way To Infamy
  • Eraser, or What I Wish I Had To Get Rid Of The Past 9 Months
  • True Lies

No word on how much the book will touch on Arnold’s recent scandals, such as his divorce from Maria Shriver or the discover of his son with former employee Mildred Patricia Baena. “He has been keeping notes and working on the book for over a year,” Schwarzenegger’s rep Adam Mendelsohn told People. “He didn’t want to write his autobiography while he was governor.” As long as he took copious notes on the making of Twins, we’ll go ahead and reserve this at the library immediately. Immediately.