celebrity rants

by (@hallekiefer)

Ireland Baldwin Tries To Brush Off Alec Baldwin’s Crazy Voicemail Rant, Does The Exact Opposite

Ireland Baldwin Explains Alec Baldwin Pig Rant

You might recall that aggressive voicemail rant Alec Baldwin left his daughter Ireland back in 2008? It’s been playing in your nightmares ever since? It involved the 30 Rock star calling his tweenage offspring a “pig,” a “daughter-of-a-bitch,” a “thoughtless pain in the ass” and, most insanely, “twelve or eleven or whatever”? Yeah, that’s the one. Just for reference, Ireland was in fact twelve at the time, and unlike every other 12-year-old on the planet, seems to have taken the name calling in stride. “The only problem with that voicemail was that people made it out to be a way bigger deal than it was,” Ireland explained to Page Six this week. “He’s said stuff like that before just because he’s frustrated. For me it was like, ‘OK, whatever.’ I called him back and I was like, ‘Sorry Dad, I didn’t have my phone.’ That was it.” At least, that would have been it if the voicemail hadn’t subsequently been leaked to the press. And if it wasn’t horrible to listen to.

On one hand, it’s easy to take angry arguments out of context. On the other hand, Alec has apparently said stuff like that before? To his child? Out loud? We love Jack Donaghey more than our own distant workaholic Irish Catholic fathers, but this is too much! Not that an Internet parody wouldn’t help take the edge off. “We almost did something funny on YouTube, of me calling him and yelling at him. We were just talking about it the other week,” Ireland said, adding, “I’ve always had a great relationship with my dad.” Would a self-made parody four years after the fact be genius, or just make the whole thing sadder? We need a Liz Lemon up in here to hash this whole thing out!

[Photo: Splash News Online]

by (@shalapitcher)

The Next Mel Gibson Rant Remixes Coming Soon, We Hope

We suspect that at this moment there are DJs, MCs, video editors and very smart kids hard at work in their basements/studios to deliver what we crave most: remixes of the latest < strong>Mel Gibson rant, recorded by screenwriter Joe Eszterhas‘ son in Costa Rica in December. The shouts don’t quite include as much vivid imagery as his phone tirades about how Oksana Grigorieva dressed, and we really wish that some of the crazy talk Eszterhas alluded to about the Beatles and the Jews were included in this little recording, obtained by TheWrap.com. But we see some potential in his rhythmic “F—!” repetition. Also, we have a clear contender for the chorus: “Who wants to eat?! Who the f— wants to eat?! Go have something to eat! Hurrrrraaaaayyyyyy!” And if someone can illustrate what it looks like when he pushes over a totem pole, that would be magic. These masterpieces can’t come soon enough.

Just to refresh your memories, here are a few inspired takes on his 2010, um, hook. NSFW, obvs.
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