Celebrity Theft

by (@JordanRuntagh)

5 Things We Might Find On Justin Bieber’s Stolen Computer That He Doesn’t Want Us To See

The Biebs is bummed today. Yes, Justin Bieber, the young zillionaire (estimate), boyfriend of the mega-hot Selena Gomez and driver of a seriously badass car is super pissed off because someone stole his laptop and camera. Sure that’s a pretty crappy thing to have happen, but for a little bit there we had a hard time figuring out why he was so mad. Surely the kid could afford to find a way to bring Steve Jobs back to life and ask him to personally build him a brand new one-of-a-kind super computer. What’s the problem? Then Justin posted a series of tweets, and it all started to come together. The comp and camera contained  “personal footage.” Hmmm, our reading comprehension skill aren’t so great, but that sounds an awful lot like “sex tape.” JK! But not really.

“Sucks when you take personal footage and people don’t respect your privacy,” he angrily wrote on twitter on Wednesday. “Yesterday during the show me and my tour manager josh had some stuff stolen. really sucks. people should respect other’s property. I had a lot of personal footage on that computer and camera and that is what bothers me the most. #lame #norespect” Things got even worse for the 18-year-old a few hours later when a nude photo surfaced that appeared the show his lower torso and his, err, “Scooter Braun,” if you catch our drift. However, his loyal band of Belieber fans are quick to point out that his belly button and nipples don’t match those of the real Bieber. This may prove that the photos are fake, but definitely proves that these folks spend far too much time studying Justin Bieber’s nipples.

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