Celebrity

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How Bad Was Jessica Simpson’s Grand Rapids Meltdown?

The good news about Jessica Simpson’s performance in Grand Rapids last night is that nobody’s talking about her weight. The bad news is that people are calling it a “meltdown.” While reports that she mouthed “sorry” to the audience aren’t encouraging, video footage taken at the performance isn’t quite as hellish as you might expect. Despite her shaky voice, the audience is clearly cheering at the end of her closer, “With You,” above. Has Jessica crashed and burned, or was it just an off night?

More clips after the jump.

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Lily Allen Texts Simon Cowell A Sexy Message

Lily Allen is a bloody genius. Who else could keep churning out newsworthy gossip bits on an almost daily basis while their new single is out (and now it’s at number 1 in the UK?). The latest missile to fire from her lips is the revelation that she sent Simon Cowell a sexy text. By accident, of course.

“I was kind of seeing this guy and then it was over. So I texted my godmother in Jamaica and told her and as a joke I said, ‘Maybe my next conquest should be Simon Cowell.’ You know when someone is in your mind and you accidentally text them? He replied, ‘Sorry?’” she says.

As much as you think Lily and Simon are an odd pairing – and we know she likes her older men – an even more WTF utterance from our Lil is in this month’s UK Glamour. Age really is no barrier for the 23 year old, as she confirms she wouldn’t mind a go at an 86-year-old artist.  “I thought, ‘I want to shag Lucian Freud’,” she told the mag. The girl is a publicity machine.  [Photo: Splash News Online]

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Blake Hopes To Prove Amy Worse Than He Is In Court

Despite Amy Winehouse’s recent protestation that she really wants to make up with her fellow junkie enabler loving husband Blake Incarcerated, it looks like their divorce is taking a vicious turn. Blake and his lawyer are said to be compiling a “dossier” on the star’s bad behavior during their time together.

“Blake is totally serious about this. He’s hired a top lawyer and is compiling a file of Amy’s errors throughout their short marriage, he’s even  decided to contact  the men Amy’s meant to have slept with. Blake wants them to testify to prove that Amy was unfaithful during their marriage,” reports The London Paper.

Well, not that we’re applauding Blake’s pretty low actions (in this marriage, there cannot be any moral high ground, surely?), but he shouldn’t have any problems compiling her sh*t list. Just a five minute Internet search should do it. [Photo: FilmMagic, Getty Images]

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Lily Allen Has Snowy Fun In London

The thickest snow has fallen in London for 18 years! Which means the public transport system has fallen apart with no buses, barely any trains and definitely no flights. You drive on the roads at your peril, after not enough gritters (aka, snow plows) came out to make them safe. Schools, shops and restaurants are all closed.  Er, yay! Still, even though it’s a national embarrassment that we can’t seem to cope with some bad weather, at least we can still have fun. Lily Allen joined the hordes of stranded workers in London by sledging down Primrose Hill yesterday, after making a makeshift sled out of a road sign. (And she didn’t even wear a protective helmet, although we reckon that infamous fluffy Prada hat would work pretty well) Weee! [Photo: Splash News Online]

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On Red Carpet, Drew Barrymore’s Boobs And Butt Take On New Shape

We like Drew Barrymore because she’s a little bit crazy. But someone should really take her in hand with her red-carpet dressing. After frightening the paps with her huge hair farrago at the Golden Globes, she turned up at the premiere of He’s Just Not That Into You with the oddest silhouette we’ve seen in a long time. The hair and makeup are halfway Samantha from Bewitched and half Madonna circa 1990. And that dress! How can the ruffle around the boobs come out about half a foot further than her actual chest? And does the black skirt manage to billow out at the front and the back! Not good. Especially when she’s lined up next to Jennifer Aniston looking her totally boring stylish self in a pant suit and shiny shiny oh-so-shiny hair. [Photo: Splash News Online]

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Madonna’s Kid Now More Stylish Than She

Lourdes Leon is stylish, no doubt about it. She’s rocking the cute bow hair accessory trend like a pro, combined with a goth-style jumper and adding a pop of color with those ace skinny purple jeans. We’re totally impressed that at someone not even into their teens has developed a grasp on fashion already. Yes, she’s definitely a superstar in the waiting. And how nice of that older woman behind to hold her bags for her! Oh, sorry, Madonna. Wow, times do change quickly… [Photo: Splash News Online]

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At Home With Pete Doherty

For rent: One historical nine-bedroom house in beautiful Wiltshire, England. In the heart of the rolling countryside, this sumptuous property, owned by the Earl of Cardigan is worth $1.5m and offers the resident peace, quiet and a disgusting mess to clean up. Welcome to Pete Doherty’s home! Yes, despite falling off the tabloid radar in the last year as the UK’s drugged-up star of choice (and being replaced by Amy Winehouse), Pete is still a total lunatic, as these photographs of his house show.

Filmed as part of an MTV documentary on the singer, Pete shows how he can take mess to a new level. With his 13 cats roaming the property, and many of his notorious blood paintings on the wall, we’d worry about catching something contagious and disgusting just by looking at that bedroom. *Shudder*. And this is the man that once held Kate Moss‘s heart… [Photos: MTV]

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TV Presenter Wants To ‘Slap’ Rihanna

The reality of most celebrities existences are so primped, preened and pampered it’s ridiculous, though most of them pretend to be “normal” people. And that’s incredibly annoying. So thank heavens for those that break ranks and reveal just what insane behavior goes on instead. TV presenter Eamonn Holmes is normally a cuddly daytime sort of bloke in the UK (yes, and a total unknown in the States, but stay with us). But he’s unleashed his hellcat claws in an interview with Star magazine where he lays into a certain megastar he’s interviewed on British show This Morning.

“I find the entourages really pathetic. Rihanna, is a beautiful girl, but if she was your daughter, you’d give her a slap and tell her to wise up.  She is surrounded by people who treat her like a little flower. It’s ridiculous. They put cloaks around her shoulders and she curls up until they take them off. She does the interview no problem, but then immediately afterwards they wrap her up again, and she closes her eyes until they walk her out of the studio…” he told this week’s issue.

Rihanna has a special cloak? A-maz-ing. Maybe the fabric is imbued with special superstar magic, and she can only transform into a fierce pop diva by getting regular doses of cloak-love. Or maybe she’s just a spoiled baby. [Photos: Getty Images, WireImage]

Related Content: Rihanna’s Top 30 Hottest Outfits Ever

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Mischa Barton Still Can’t Dress Herself

You would never guess Mischa Barton doesn’t have a stylist, would you? Um. Here is the former O.C. star and god-knows-what-she-does-now actress leaving the Dior show in Paris. We won’t question the logic of throwing together a cheap Annie Hall­ rip-off tuxedo, battered sneakers and teaming it with a floppy wide-brimmed hat and what looks like a velvet cloak. We won’t question it because there is NO GOOD REASON FOR THIS, ever. Oh, and don’t even get us started on the hair. Julie Cooper would not be pleased. [Photo: Splash News Online]

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Eva Mendes Is The Most Desirable Woman In The World

As we all know, Eva Mendes likes sex. She likes talking about it, doing it, not “recycling” it and now it’s come as absolutely no surprise that millions of men would quite like to have it with her. The Latina beauty has topped AskMen.com’s annual list of 99 Most Desirable Women in the world, like, ever.

“From head to toe, her beauty is unique, dramatic and urgent. When on-screen, she doesn’t need to do much before we’ve willingly handed over to her our complete and devoted attention, to the exclusion of the rest of the world,” the website burbles.

Which is just a very wordy and overdone way of saying: “Eva Mendes. Hot. Boobs. Ass. I’d do her. Hnnnnh.” [Photo: WireImage]

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