Christian LaBella

by (@hallekiefer)

Harassment Charges, Opinionated Uncles: Yup, This Lindsay Lohan Assault Story Keeps Getting Stranger

Say what you want about Lindsay Lohan‘s tumultuous life, at least it’s filled with surprises. Every news story about Lilo is sort of like an episode of Law & Order: SVU. Just when you think Stabler and Benson have it all wrapped up, you find out in the last five minutes that the accused stalker was actually the judge’s long-lost kidnapped son the entire time. While we’re assuming Christian LaBella, Lindsay’s alleged attacker from an incident at the W Hotel Union Square early Sunday morning, is not her secret lost child, the fact he and Lindsay have both filed harassment charges against one another seems almost as bizarre. While assault charges against LaBella were dropped due to an apparently lack of evidence, according to NYPD Deputy Commissioner Paul Browne, “Cross complaints for harassment were filed and LaBella’s assault arrest was voided after detectives investigated further.” Cross complaints for harassment? Over a fight that broke out because LaBella allegedly took secret photos and video of Lindsay? What does that even mean? And does anyone else suspect we just narrowly avoided a Prince Harry moment starring one Miss Lindsay Lohan?

As if that wasn’t odd enough, LaBella’s uncle Peter Jessop randomly decided to weight in on the incident, telling the New York Daily News, “It’s shameful that a celebrity with a personal publicist can persecute a nice guy like Christian. He’s a decent kid who met her at a nightclub and she invited him back to her hotel room with other people. And now she’s using her celebrity to launch a full-scale witch hunt against him just to be relevant again.” Man, uncles really do not understand what makes people relevant, do they? Amanda Bynes’ uncle, you know what we’re talking about! Haha, we’re kidding of course. No one knows what we’re talking about, least of all us.

[Photo: Splash News Online]