citizen scandal

by

Citizen Scandal: Armed Robbers Steal Porn DVDs

idiot

The internet! You’re probably familiar with it. After all, you’re using it right now. In case you didn’t know, there’s a lot of porn on the net. Not just any porn, free porn. We’re telling you as a public service just in case you’re planning to use an automatic weapon to go and steal some. Seriously, it’s not worth it—just ask John Kincaid.

Any money Kincaid stole would probably be spent on porn, so he chose to eliminate the middleman and nab 50 adult DVDs from a Kilgore, Texas sex shop by gunpoint. He and accomplice Christopher Fitzgerald, both arrested after fleeing the scene, are also suspected in two earlier robberies—one at the same video store (smaaart!) and another at a local EZ-Mart, where they presumably stole tissues and baby oil.

View Photo Gallery

by

Citizen Scandal: Woman Held At Gunpoint For Her Fried Chicken

A Jacksonville, Florida woman was closing up after finishing her shift at  a Popeye’s Chicken and Waffles, when she says she was followed home by four men in a car who wanted her box of chicken she was bringing home from work.

The men allegedly yelled, “Give us the chicken!” but the victim and her boyfriend continued walking and ignoring them.

The suspects then reportedly turned off their lights and pulled over and the couple became alarmed.

One of the men then reportedly jumped out of the car with a shotgun and yelled, “You know what time it is! Give it up!” He then said that they should “put down the chicken or he would shoot them.”

The suspect then pointed the shotgun at the woman and her boyfriend pleaded with the gunman to spare her because she was two months pregnant. The suspects then took her purse and her chicken.

They must have been hungry!

by

Citizen Scandal: Gay Elephant Pisses Off Polish Politican

michal grzas vs. ninio

Can an elephant be fired because of their sexual orientation? City councilman Michal Grzes of Ponzan, Poland is furious that Ninio, an African bush elephant that prefers the company of male elephants to female, is living in the local zoo’s expensive elephant house. “We didn’t pay 37 million zlotys for the largest elephant house in Europe to have a gay elephant live there,” said Grzes. “We were supposed to have a herd, but as Ninio prefers male friends over females how will he produce offspring?” Does this guy need a new piano or something? Can’t he stop thinking about hot, African gay elephant sex?

Zoo officials note that elephants don’t reach sexual maturity until 14, and 10-year-old Ninio may just being through a phase. Apparently, it’s not uncommon for male elephants, who live outside of the pack, to engage in a little mounting and trunk-stroking. Grzes may just want to take an animal sensitivy class and relax. Ironically, the politician’s outburst has caused a rise in zoo attendance, with patrons hoping to catch some all-male elephant action. Blow any horn you want, Ninio!

by

Citizen Scandal: Thief Steals 100 Manhole Covers In Georgia

manhole

The Georgia Department Of Transportation believes a middle-aged man has stolen up to 100 manhole covers along highways near Atlanta. “He’s hit Sandy Springs, and he’s hit Forest Park,” an investigator told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. “They’re completely at opposite sides of town.” Despite checking with local scrap metal collectors and staging stakeouts, the DOT’s search for the thief has been unsuccessful.

Here’s the crazy thing. While the manhole covers are 200 pounds of quality metal each, metal is only going for 4 cents a pound in the current market.  Said a DOT rep, “All I can say is, times must be tough…to steal something that weighs that much that is worth about eight dollars.” Yes, it could be a thief with poor cost-benefit analysis skills…or it could be a diabolical criminal who’d announce himself if only he could think of a less embarrassing name than “Mr. Manhole.” Or maybe it’s Steel.

by

Citizen Scandal: Sex Offender Posing As Middle Schooler Gets 70.5 Years

neil havens rodreick II

Neil Havens Rodreick II, arrested two years ago for posing as a 12-year-old student (he was 29), was sentenced to 70.5 years in prison yesterday for a variety of sex-related crimes, including child pornography.

Starting in 2005, Rodreick repeatedly enrolled in Arizona schools as a 12-year-old named “Casey,” wearing make-up to make himself look younger. He was caught in 2007 when school officials in Chino Valley suspected his birth certificate was forged, though they initially assumed that he was an abducted child. Rodreick was living with three other sex offenders, who posed as his grandfather, uncle and cousin (they’ve received sentences ranging from 14 to 51 years). Schools were told by the men that Rodreick had been home schooled, and the “family” would withdraw him once the records were questioned.

“[He] was a loner who stayed to himself most of the time,” said one school official. “He did not attend classes long enough for other students to get to know him.” While no students have come forward to accuse Rodreick of sexual assault, he previously served six years for propositioning a 6-year-old in 1996.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

by

Citizen Scandal: Pastor Steals $85k From Church For Botox

william blasingame

Even religious figures have to worry about their looks, apparently. William Blasingame, a retired pastor from Staten Island, is accused of stealing almost $85,000 from his church’s emergency fund to pay for cosmetic surgery, Botox injections and stylish clothes. Because if he doesn’t look good, Jesus doesn’t look good.

Before resigning in 2008, Blasingame had been at the St. Paul’s Memorial Episcopalian Church for more than thirty years. “He is a favorite of the elderly and 65-plus crowd,” a police source told New York Post. “He was a real schmoozer.” Charged with second-degree grand larceny and possession of stolen property, the pastor faces 15 years if found guilty. WWJD?

by

Citizen Scandal: Snowmobiler Causes Avalanche, Makes Canadians Curse

Have you always wanted to be killed in an avalanche, but never knew how to start one? In this video, you can see how one can cause the catastrophe by simply taking their snowmobile to the top of a steep, open slope near Valemount, B.C. and ride back down in the white chaos as bystanders yell Canucky NSFW goodness like  “what a retard,” “I think he might have fell off there, eh?” and “son of a f—ing bitch!”

More than 20 people have died due to avalanches in Western Canada this winter. For better or worse, this daredevil survived. [via Fark]

by

Citizen Scandal: Queen’s Face Replaced By Boy George On Banknotes

Staff at a stationary shop in Kent, England, were obviously asleep at the wheel when they accepted forged banknotes the other day. Because not only was the £20 note not real, it clearly had a photo of jailed 80s pop star Boy George where The Queen’s head usually is. “I was shocked, I couldn’t believe it — we’ve certainly had nothing like it before,” said a spokeswoman for the store. We’ve posted up photos of her Maj and the fallen pop idol (currently serving a 15-month jail sentence for falsely imprisoning a male escort) above. Can you tell the difference? [Photos: WireImage, Getty]

by

Citizen Scandal: Mom Takes Children Along On Armed Robbery

If you think it’s hard to juggle work and family, try juggling family and a crime spree. Cortina R. Wobbleton spent last night driving two friends down a Florida highway, where the pair (one wearing a hockey mask) robbed a Pizza Hut and a Sunoco gas station at gunpoint. When Martin County Sheriff’s deputies stopped the car, weapons drawn, they were surprised to find Wobbleton’s children, aged 2 and 5, in the backseat with the cash. Now Wobbleton faces child abuse charges along with armed robbery, and the children have been given to their grandmother. Gee, leave the kids with Grandma—why didn’t she think of that in the first place?

by

Citizen Scandal: Woman Arrested For Making Dog Porn

When Michelle Owen asked police to search her laptop, she hoped they would find child pornography downloaded by her ex-boyfriend, so she could use it in their custody battle. Instead, police found two video clips of the Indiana woman smearing a substance on her vagina and getting her beagle, Toby, to lick it off. Looks like someone didn’t know you have to empty the recycle bin.

Owen, already in jail on a drinking charge, claimed she barely remembers making the videos. Charged with two counts of bestiality, she could receive six months to three years for the crimes. Woof.