Hmmmm. Kate Upton might be a lot of things (model, SNL guest, friend of Terry Richardson despite all logic and reason), but never in a million years would we have used the moniker “tomboy” when describing her. “I’m a little bit of a mix – a girlie girl and a tomboy. When I’m in a city, I’m girlie. But when I’m around a barn, I turn into a tomboy,” the Sports Illustrated model allegedly claims in her upcoming Cosmo interview. Kate…come on now. Did we not just see yourself rolling around in a pink puppy picnic cloud in that Bruce Weber fashion vid last month? With the unicorn boyfriend and baby goats and so on? Any tomboy worth her weight in slingshots would have lost her lunch over the taffeta alone. Jo from Little Women would have cut her hair off all over again just thinking about it!
Or possibly when thinking about the words “lingerie shoot,” which Kate also gets into for the new issue, or discussing her dating life. What would Pippi Longstocking do, girl? “My worst first date? I don’t want to throw anyone under the bus,” Upton laughs in her behind-the-scenes interview. Okay, that’s a pretty classy move on her part. Ohhh, can we go with calling Kate ‘classy’ instead? The short-haired, overall-wearing tomboy inside all of us can get behind that.
It’s even almost a year since Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson announced their divorce, which means almost 365 days of them living out The Best Divorce Of All Time. Okay, sure, we’re certain both of ScarJo and Ryan spent plenty of hours crying on the bathroom floor, but despite the public nature of their split, both actors have been champs at being civil in public. “I’m a big believer that when something feels right, you should do it,” Scarlett explains in this mouth’s Cosmo. “I’m a big believer in instinct. Getting married was the right thing to do because it was natural. It grew out of a romance and love and a desire to have a future with somebody, and I was very fortunate that I married somebody who turned out to be the person I thought he would be.” She then defended Green Lantern against its critics, quoted all the funniest lines from Van Wilder complete with character voices and wrote out a treatise on how great Ryan’s shoulders look in a suit…essentially.
In case you’re wondering why the two split, if their marriage was as ScarJo put it, “the best thing I ever did,” the answer isn’t Sean Penn or Justin Long or even Blake Lively, who Reynolds was spotted smooching this week, even though that would make for a much more exciting interview. “Being married is a living, breathing process. I think I was not fully aware of the peaks and the valleys. I wasn’t prepared to hunker down and do the work,” Johansson admits. “Both of us were extremely busy. We spent so much time apart. It’s very difficult.” Celebrities! Their marriages fall apart just like ours! But with less screaming and tire-slashing.
Nicki Minaj’s suicidal thoughts might not be what you’d expect to find in the rapper’s new Cosmo interview, but we appreciate any celebrity who’s willing to talk openly about the ever-encroaching darkness. “I kept having doors slammed in my face. I felt like nothing was working. I had moved out on my own, and here I was thinking I’d have to go home,” Minaj explains. “It was just one dead end after another. At one point, I was, like, ‘What would happen if I just didn’t wake up?’ That’s how I felt. Like, ‘Maybe I should just take my life?’” Aside from Nicki’s inherent value as a human being, if we had to live in a world without the existence of “I’m The Best”? Unacceptable.
Now that Nicki Minaj is at the top of her rap game and in a better emotional place, girl has big plans for her future. “I will have put out five albums and will have an Oscar and Grammys,” she says. “And I will be getting married and, a couple of years after that, will have a bun in the oven.” Let the moral of our story be, if someone as twinkly/made out of candy hearts like Nicki can be that depressed and go on to greatness, then everyone else can too.