Cougars

by (@hallekiefer)

Courteney Cox Arquette Offered $1 Million To Be Official Queen Of The Cougars

The ink has barely dried on David Arquette’s thousands of apology letters and already the cougar community is roaring to claim wife Courteney as their queen. Following the news of their separation, Courteney Cox Arquette was offered a $1 million contract to represent CougarLife.com, a dating site for older lady “cougars” looking for younger male “cubs” and oh god, is that Aunt Karen on here?! Considering the couple is not technically divorced yet, we doubt Courteney will go for it. And guys, didn’t she just say she didn’t want to be anybody’s mother? We know this isn’t exactly the same, but we’re sure Freud would say we’re close.

The contract, should she sign it, would require Courteney to voice 12 radio ads, appear in 4 TV ads, and make at least 30 public appearance over the course of the year. Dang, that’s a lot of work! We though cougaring was all about squeezing into leopard skin dresses and chugging mai tais. Who knew? We say go for it, Courteney. The worst that could happen is that you’ll make a million dollars. Besides that, you’ll be helping people like your friend whose name rhymes with Shmennifer Shmaniston find hot young studs to be dumped by.

by (@hallekiefer)

Susan Sarandon Appears In Cougar Town: The Movie

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It’s Cougar Week here at the FABLife and the ladies are on the prowl…for inappropriately young men! Recently out of her straw-lined cage is Susan Sarandon, spotted recently taking a romantic stroll through the Giffoni Film Festival in Ravenna, Italy with her much younger “companion” Jonathan Bricklin. For someone working with a 32 year age difference, Sarandon is seriously getting ‘er done.

Sarandon, who loves being called a cougar, met this fine hunk of man-meat through SPiN, the New York ping-pong club which Bricklin co-owns and counts Susan as an investor.  While the couple has denied that they are dating, we bet that not even insanely rich movie stars just up and take their casual business associates on intimate European holidays. Oh, and the couple has also been to Macchu Piccu together, which hello, might as well put it on the Jumbotron while you’re at it.

After reading about hot, baked-ham-colored cougar Linda Hogan yesterday, it is refreshing to see that Susan Sarandon is a lady of a certain age who isn’t pretending she’s not your mom. She has your mom’s breezy linen pants, your mom’s sensible lightweight cardigan, and your mom’s mom hairdo. Cougar style is about expressing coug-self!

Now, we were as sad as anyone else when Sarandon split with her long-time partner Tim Robbins last year. But if this is who she is bringing to Thanksgiving this year, her kids will have to admit, at least begrudgedly,  that their mom is sort of a pimp.

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[Photo: Splash News Online]