Look, we believed it when Courtney Stodden became a vegetarian because she didn’t want to “eat anything with a face.” That made sense to us. We believed it when she writhed around on her kitchen linoleum in an attempt to make “floor flashing” happen. We use Twitter; it could have caught on. We even believed it when she married Doug Hutchison despite the fact that she’s a minor and he’s that scary liver-eating guy from The X-Files. Fine! Sure! We accept the things we cannot change, but we cannot suspendour disbelief any longer when we see Courtney Stodden hack up a hair ball and eat cat food while dressed as Hello Kitty in the video she posted today. We cannot abide such a violation to our sense of logic. This has to be a part of her fine arts dissertation, right? Or at least one epically convoluted episode of Punk’d? If not, we have past beyond the bonds of reality and into Courtney’s world!
Now, it would be one kind of unsettling thing if our favorite teenage bride just acted like a sexy cat and dubbed in meowing later. But when she shuffles her Lucite stilettos around in that litter box? Courtney deserves an A on the performance art thesis she’s been crafting this entire time. A grad school project would make a lot of sense, wouldn’t it? A lot more sense than what appears to be actually happening?
The folks at People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals have long shown that they are marketing geniuses, but their latest celebrity endorsement takes the cruelty-free cake: Courtney Stodden explaining why her dog Bazaar has made her switch “to a vegetarian.” Or something like that. The genius of the above video is that they clearly did not give her a script to follow. Maybe they gave her some talking points, but she is spouting pure Courtney Stodden poetry as she convinces us to do all of the PETA things at once. For the convenience of your future study, and so you can convince your friends to switch to a vegetarian too, here are seven compelling arguments from our favorite 17-year-old bride/princess:
1. There are millions of animals in shelters forced to live with their natural hair color. “I believe that there are so many animals in shelters who need homes, and so if I’m going to welcome another companion into our home, I would suggest to go to a shelter and not only make them happy and live a healthy life, but save a life as well.”
2. Food that looks back at you is scary. “I wasn’t really fond of eating meat and anything with a face because I just felt it was an awful thing to do.” Do RPattz pancakes count? Read more…
Courtney Stodden‘s Funny Or Die video is funny, right? It’s also really weird and uncomfortable and off-putting, correct? In the video which premiered today, Courtney and husband Doug Hutchison riff on their reputation as the world’s most inappropriate couple with Jason Alexander‘s talk show host Danny Clay. If only it had stopped there. Or before it started. Call us old-fashioned, but we personally do not want to watch any Seinfeld star act like a total pervert toward a teenage girl. Jason made a great creep in Pretty Woman, but we’re past that nowm as a culture. Some other bizarre elements of the video we’d like you to consider include:
Jason Alexander’s toupee.
Jason Alexander ogling Courtney’s bikini-clad chesticles with a phone for some reason.
Jason Alexander’s toupee.
The fact that Courtney is only 17-years old (Note: not necessarily specific to this video).
Doug’s expressionless face being smacked over and over again.
The fact that Courtney and Doug somehow seem like the most normal elements of this sketch.
Jason. Alexander’s. Toupee.
That being said, we did love Doug’s claim that they made out at his Uncle Stevie’s funeral. Haha, those two would! They really would! Maybe if Courtney and Doug had just made some more, increasingly inappropriate romantic claims, this video wouldn’t have turned out so cringe-worthy. Claims like, “We’re so in love, we eat each other’s fingernail clippings!,” because, according to them, they are. And as far as we know…they do.
Courtney Stodden is in your meme, making you flash! The (extremely young) woman knows what she wants, and Courtney Stodden wants you to send her photos of your sexiest ground-centric poses. “Come get down & dirty w/me while we floor flash together! I showed you mine… now show me yours. I’ll RT the hottest!” Stodden tweeted, along with an inspiration photo. Stodden didn’t mention sprawling out by the fridge when describing her “princess life,” with husband Dough Hutchison but it’s there if you read between the lines. FABlifer Halle Kiefer (that’s me!) tried to get onboard Courtney’s flash train, but somehow there must be other, more sexy photos out there. If your mind can conceive of it. We’re not giving up hope yet, though. We sucked at planking at first too! Our natural instinct is to bend!
2011 brought along with it a host of new fashion trends, from long-sleeved gowns to daytime sequins to the ever-unfortunate mullet dress. The biggest trend of all, however, seems to have been stars looking like a volcanically hot mess. Yes, like a single strand of pearls or a little black dress, celebrities sashaying down the red carpet in cringe-inducing couture never gets old. After all, these are people who all have stylists. Who they pay real money. To make them look good. We know.
There’s no doubt C-Stods is fully conscious of the camera’s presence, as she feeds it many a come hither glance, hair tousle, lick of the champagne-colored lips and not-so-subtle shimmy. We’ve gathered some (OK, many) of her most “Courtney” moves and tossed them in a GIF wall for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy!
Courtney Stodden may be living “like a princess” these days, but the 17-year-old aspiring actress and singer didn’t always have it so easy. If you recall, long before her marriage to 51-year-old Doug Hutchison, she posted a six-minute YouTube video in which she addresses bullies (and reads some of their mean comments on her site). Earlier in her childhood (as in, last year), her mother took her out of school because she was being harassed by other students.
Courtney has her share of critics these days, but the outspoken teen seems to know how to brush that dirt off her shoulder. That’s why we asked her if she has advice for other victims of bullying out there.
“My advice for victims of bullies would be, victims, you need to realize that it’s not [you],” she told TheFABlife. “It’s the bully who’s picking on them, it’s their problem. There’s nothing wrong with the victim. They’re perfect, they’re beautiful, and they need to stay true to themselves. Not just because someone who isn’t true to themselves is picking on you. They need to think about that, realize that and embrace the truth.”
“If I hadn’t married Doug, I would still be pursuing my music, definitely,” Courtney told TheFABlife. “I would probably still be involved in acting and learning that. I would probably be down the same path I’m on now, but I wouldn’t be blessed with this gift of great success so early on. But I’d still be pursuing the same thing.”
That’s basically the most self-aware thing we’ve ever heard her say. Courtney has already recorded the three songs streaming on her website and YouTube channel — “Crazy,” “Car Candy” and “We Are America” — and she says there’s more on the way. Read more…
It’s taken a few months, America, but we may finally be accepting the fact that Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison are the real thing. I mean, why else would we see the 17-year-old aspiring starlet and her 51-year-old actor husband going to church and the mall together on Sunday? Not for the photo op, surely! Anyway, we here at TheFABlife had the chance to take a little peek into the everyday lives of this fascinating couple — not the Dr. Drew-style peek, either — when Courtney answered a few questions on camera.
First up, we wondered, with their age gap, do Courtney and Doug have the same taste in music, movies and TV shows? (Subtext: Is that, at least, like hanging out with someone’s dad?)
But Courtney said they do like some of the same things and have been introducing each other to new ones. “There’s fine lines in between what we share and what we teach each other,” she said enthusiastically. “I’ve turned him on to Maroon 5, Train and all the new awesome bands. And he’s turned me on to some of his music. We’re batting that back and forth and exploring each world.”
And like many a kid raised on Nick-at-Nite, Courtney knows her old-timey TV shows, like, erm, “I Love Lucy’s.”
“I love I Love Lucy’s, The Honeymooners, Green Acres. We love that kind of stuff,” she said. “But it’s so cute: Doug calls Maroon 5 ‘Monsoon 5.’ He’s like, ‘YEAH! Monsoon 5!’ It’s so embarrassing, but it’s darling too.” Read more…
Courtney Stodden: 1, Doubters: 0. In case you missed it, Courtney allowed strangers to touch her boobs on national TV yesterday, in front of husband Doug Hutchison. Well, OK, it was a plastic surgeon and his ultrasound technician, and they were on Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers to prove once and for all how to solve the national debt crisis. Or the question of whether Courtney has breast implants.
It looked a little dicey there for a second ( a circular shape seemed to indicate an implant), but in the end, the doctor said Courtney was telling the truth: no knife has touched those breasts. Which, yeah, lots of 17-year-olds have perfect bodies, so it makes sense. What we really wish is that she would go on a show and have someone surgically remove 95 percent of her makeup. Read more…