Although the voting for the VH1 Bikini Awards is far from over, Kate Upton is truly shaping up to be the bikini queen of the summer. Between her accession to tropical goddess level with her SI Swimsuit Edition cover, as well as her recent sizzling turn in the pages of GQ, it’s hard to argue that she is the (un)official beach bod of 2012. And you could do a lot worse! We know we’re supposed to be impartial, but she totally has our vote for the bikini awards. As journalists we’re supposed to be fair and balanced about some things, but Kate Upton’s supreme hotness is not one of them.
But now Kate’s got a challenger to the two-piece throne in the form of Courtney Stodden! The teen bride has copied her signature bikini-filled “Cat Daddy” video, posting the clip to her YouTube channel over the weekend. She titled the vid “This Video Will Be Age Restricted In…” as a tribute to Kate’s original, which was famously banned (at least for a minute) from the media sharing site. And for extra proof that she’s America’s favorite blonde bombshell, she donned a stars and stripes bikini! An homage to Kate’s patriotic GQ look, perhaps? Jeez Courtney, if you wanted to be in the bikini awards so badly, you could have just shot us an email or something.
Who do you think did the “Cat Daddy” better? And by “better” we mean “hotter.” Let us know in the poll below!
Sometimes our jobs are very tough around here. We’re a little more than halfway through 2012, and as we very studiously looking back at all the year’s most newsworthy and RT-ready Twitpic’d, Instagram’d and Facebooked photos, we started to feel a little nostalgic. It seems that many famous people have stopped accidentally sharing naked photos of themselves this year. I mean, good for them for learning, but bad for us. Still, there was no shortage of controversial pics — many thanks to Rihanna, who doesn’t care what we think of that white powder or that possibly racist threat against Karrueche Tran. We had some headline-makers, like Miley Cyrus’ non-engagement ring and Leann Rimes’ “fun” shooting range photos. And there certainly were some steamy snaps — from Disney stars like Selena Gomez and Ashley Tisdale, usual suspects Coco and Kim Kardashian, and even newcomers to the scene like Paulina Gretzky. Not many guys got in on the action, but Usher is worth about a dozen regular men, right? Anyway, enough gabbing, let’s get on to the photos!
Look, we believed it when Courtney Stodden became a vegetarian because she didn’t want to “eat anything with a face.” That made sense to us. We believed it when she writhed around on her kitchen linoleum in an attempt to make “floor flashing” happen. We use Twitter; it could have caught on. We even believed it when she married Doug Hutchison despite the fact that she’s a minor and he’s that scary liver-eating guy from The X-Files. Fine! Sure! We accept the things we cannot change, but we cannot suspendour disbelief any longer when we see Courtney Stodden hack up a hair ball and eat cat food while dressed as Hello Kitty in the video she posted today. We cannot abide such a violation to our sense of logic. This has to be a part of her fine arts dissertation, right? Or at least one epically convoluted episode of Punk’d? If not, we have past beyond the bonds of reality and into Courtney’s world!
Now, it would be one kind of unsettling thing if our favorite teenage bride just acted like a sexy cat and dubbed in meowing later. But when she shuffles her Lucite stilettos around in that litter box? Courtney deserves an A on the performance art thesis she’s been crafting this entire time. A grad school project would make a lot of sense, wouldn’t it? A lot more sense than what appears to be actually happening?
The folks at People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals have long shown that they are marketing geniuses, but their latest celebrity endorsement takes the cruelty-free cake: Courtney Stodden explaining why her dog Bazaar has made her switch “to a vegetarian.” Or something like that. The genius of the above video is that they clearly did not give her a script to follow. Maybe they gave her some talking points, but she is spouting pure Courtney Stodden poetry as she convinces us to do all of the PETA things at once. For the convenience of your future study, and so you can convince your friends to switch to a vegetarian too, here are seven compelling arguments from our favorite 17-year-old bride/princess:
1. There are millions of animals in shelters forced to live with their natural hair color. “I believe that there are so many animals in shelters who need homes, and so if I’m going to welcome another companion into our home, I would suggest to go to a shelter and not only make them happy and live a healthy life, but save a life as well.”
2. Food that looks back at you is scary. “I wasn’t really fond of eating meat and anything with a face because I just felt it was an awful thing to do.” Do RPattz pancakes count? Read more…
Courtney Stodden‘s Funny Or Die video is funny, right? It’s also really weird and uncomfortable and off-putting, correct? In the video which premiered today, Courtney and husband Doug Hutchison riff on their reputation as the world’s most inappropriate couple with Jason Alexander‘s talk show host Danny Clay. If only it had stopped there. Or before it started. Call us old-fashioned, but we personally do not want to watch any Seinfeld star act like a total pervert toward a teenage girl. Jason made a great creep in Pretty Woman, but we’re past that nowm as a culture. Some other bizarre elements of the video we’d like you to consider include:
Jason Alexander’s toupee.
Jason Alexander ogling Courtney’s bikini-clad chesticles with a phone for some reason.
Jason Alexander’s toupee.
The fact that Courtney is only 17-years old (Note: not necessarily specific to this video).
Doug’s expressionless face being smacked over and over again.
The fact that Courtney and Doug somehow seem like the most normal elements of this sketch.
Jason. Alexander’s. Toupee.
That being said, we did love Doug’s claim that they made out at his Uncle Stevie’s funeral. Haha, those two would! They really would! Maybe if Courtney and Doug had just made some more, increasingly inappropriate romantic claims, this video wouldn’t have turned out so cringe-worthy. Claims like, “We’re so in love, we eat each other’s fingernail clippings!,” because, according to them, they are. And as far as we know…they do.
Courtney Stodden is in your meme, making you flash! The (extremely young) woman knows what she wants, and Courtney Stodden wants you to send her photos of your sexiest ground-centric poses. “Come get down & dirty w/me while we floor flash together! I showed you mine… now show me yours. I’ll RT the hottest!” Stodden tweeted, along with an inspiration photo. Stodden didn’t mention sprawling out by the fridge when describing her “princess life,” with husband Dough Hutchison but it’s there if you read between the lines. FABlifer Halle Kiefer (that’s me!) tried to get onboard Courtney’s flash train, but somehow there must be other, more sexy photos out there. If your mind can conceive of it. We’re not giving up hope yet, though. We sucked at planking at first too! Our natural instinct is to bend!
2011 brought along with it a host of new fashion trends, from long-sleeved gowns to daytime sequins to the ever-unfortunate mullet dress. The biggest trend of all, however, seems to have been stars looking like a volcanically hot mess. Yes, like a single strand of pearls or a little black dress, celebrities sashaying down the red carpet in cringe-inducing couture never gets old. After all, these are people who all have stylists. Who they pay real money. To make them look good. We know.
There’s no doubt C-Stods is fully conscious of the camera’s presence, as she feeds it many a come hither glance, hair tousle, lick of the champagne-colored lips and not-so-subtle shimmy. We’ve gathered some (OK, many) of her most “Courtney” moves and tossed them in a GIF wall for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy!
Courtney Stodden may be living “like a princess” these days, but the 17-year-old aspiring actress and singer didn’t always have it so easy. If you recall, long before her marriage to 51-year-old Doug Hutchison, she posted a six-minute YouTube video in which she addresses bullies (and reads some of their mean comments on her site). Earlier in her childhood (as in, last year), her mother took her out of school because she was being harassed by other students.
Courtney has her share of critics these days, but the outspoken teen seems to know how to brush that dirt off her shoulder. That’s why we asked her if she has advice for other victims of bullying out there.
“My advice for victims of bullies would be, victims, you need to realize that it’s not [you],” she told TheFABlife. “It’s the bully who’s picking on them, it’s their problem. There’s nothing wrong with the victim. They’re perfect, they’re beautiful, and they need to stay true to themselves. Not just because someone who isn’t true to themselves is picking on you. They need to think about that, realize that and embrace the truth.”
“If I hadn’t married Doug, I would still be pursuing my music, definitely,” Courtney told TheFABlife. “I would probably still be involved in acting and learning that. I would probably be down the same path I’m on now, but I wouldn’t be blessed with this gift of great success so early on. But I’d still be pursuing the same thing.”
That’s basically the most self-aware thing we’ve ever heard her say. Courtney has already recorded the three songs streaming on her website and YouTube channel — “Crazy,” “Car Candy” and “We Are America” — and she says there’s more on the way. Read more…