If you watched the two-hour Jersey Shore season premiere last night, one twelfth of your entire day was spent watching Deena cry and Snooki be pregnant. It felt good, right? Familiar? Call us clinically insane, but having the gang back under one (well, maybe two) dysfunctional roofs for a final season felt right to us. Considering the cast was so comfortable, they didn’t give a second thought to the words coming out of their mouths, we assume they must have felt the same way.
The season premiere of Jersey Shore is tonight at 10/9pm Central, ya’ll! It’s been six seasons and three years in the making but it’s almost time to bid Snooki and the gang adieu. Luckily we have the next couple months to get a truly satisfying conclusion, because we have quite a few burning questions we’d like the last season of JS to answer. Ew…what? No, no, we said burning questions. Come on, people! It’s not like we’ve been using the smush room.
We knew this day would come. We just didn’t know it would be so soon. Variety announced today that MTV has decided to pull the plug on Jersey Shoreafter the show’s upcoming sixth season. Honestly, we applaud their restraint. It would have been way too easy to keep on trucking down the Jersey Turnpike until Snooki‘s baby started having babies. Better to go out on top, we say. The top being a massively pregnant Snooki shoving The Situation into the hot tub, of course. Besides, there are already so many things we’ll miss after JS is off the air, and we’d like to be able to haul ourselves off the bathroom floor after two, maybe three days of hysterical crying at the most. Things like:
While many celebs spent the warmer months gallivanting in the Hamptons, yachting in the Mediterrean or hitting up [the VIP sections of] music festivals, some were making questionable decisions like staging a protest in Costco, brawling in bars, driving like maniacs and “servicing” themselves in movie theaters. The summer temps brought out “the naughty” in stars ranging from The Biebs to Randy Travis to Fred Willard. Here are 14 celebrities who got arrested, barely slipped by or at the least induced major facepalms this summer.
Having to pay a fine for “failing to use to the sidewalk” has to be the most embarrassing thing Deena Cortese has had to deal with since joining Jersey Shore (Just kidding! Here are photos of her bathing suit falling down). We’re glad Deena won’t face criminal charges after being hauled in for disorderly conduct last month, but there is something deeply funny about having to pay the government money in order to make up for your drunken street dancing. Of course, Deena isn’t the only Jersey devil who’s had a hilariously random interaction with the legal system. Here are our favorite Jersey Shore legal matters that had Snooki & Co. checking out the inside of a courtroom, not to mention breaking a penal code or two…
It happens right? You’re in the surf, the tide hits and suddenly, your bikini bottom (or top) doesn’t want to stay put on your body. You turn beetroot red, pull the wandering garment back on and get on with it. But you don’t have camera’s trained on you most of the time, like this young lady does. But, who is it? Click after the jump to find out. Read more…
Oh Deena, we like the boobs but we love your physical safety and well-being more. Following the Jersey Shore diva’s arrest last week for disorderly conduct and public intoxication, Deena Cortese’s mugshot has finally hit the Internet and…we’re not going to lie. We’ve seen this face before. We’ve seen this face roughly once a week for entire seasons at a time, because it also happens to be Deena’s late-night afterparty face. Honestly, girl looks pretty good considering she’s just been hauled into the Seaside Heights police station. A little dewy and distressed, but no worse than she would look after a sweaty night at Karma.
Deena was released to her parents without bail following her arrest, and was quick to thank her fans for offering help in her time of…need, we guess? “Love all my tweeties and feels great to have all your love and support. ;),” she tweeted on Monday. Maybe if her mugshot was worse, Deena would be less inclined to get immediately sloppy again. Enthused Deena on Twitter, “Good morning to all my tweeties Weekends Here you all know what that means, do I have to spell it out PARTY time.” Aw…who are we kidding? Deena could have a full on Lisa Robin Kelly going on and the girl would still take the Jersey Turnpike like it was going out of style.
We’ve hyperventilated before about the massive amount of cash the Jersey Shore cast earns for eating pickles and falling out of their platforms, so we’ll spare you our hysterics. Just know that we are literally eating ramen while we writing the words: “several Jersey Shore cast members earn $2.55 million dollars a season.” According to RadarOnline, that is. Interested to know the alleged breakdown of each cast member’s salary? Do you screen your phone calls because Sallie Mae is after you about your unpaid student loans? The answer to both of these queries, we’re assuming, is yes:
Snooki, The Situation and Pauly D: As denoted by the fact they all have nicknames, this trifecta are the top Jersey dogs, reportedly pull in $150,000 per episode, not counting the $400,000 signing bonus they allegedly raked in at the beginning of the show’s most recent season, a $200,000 end-of-season bonus and any additional reunion episodes. With 12 episodes a season….carry the one and…yup, we were fools to go to grad school. A Master’s in Fine Arts?!?! What were we thinking?
JWoww & Vinny: Jennie pulls in $100,000 an ep, while Vinny gets $90,000. If you calculated out their hour wage, you’d realize they basically earn $10,000 every time they fall asleep in a tanning bed. Read more…
They’re ba-ack! We’re not sure if this is a good thing, but for better or worse, the cast of Jersey Shore are up to shenanigans again, during what seemed to be quite a busy weekend. First up, is Deena Cortese. The photograph you see on the right is of her being escorted out of the Seaside Heights Police Department by her parents after being detained by the cops for disorderly conduct. TMZ also has a video of her being arrested after filming her, possibly drunkenly, walking and dancing in the middle of the street. The police didn’t find her behavior amusing at all, and cuffed her, as cast mates Ronnie and Sammi watched.
Then we saw these photographs of Jenni “JWoww” Farley hobbling around on crutches with her ankle all bandaged up. We would have total sympathy for her if it wasn’t for the fact that her injury was sustained during a bar brawl over the weekend, again. Ronnie, Roger, Pauly D and The Situation got into a fight with two dudes, who are planning on suing them now. They claim that Ronnie and Roger attacked them, but now sources say that the two men were provoking the Jersey Shore dudes all night. The sources also say that one of the two guys said he would “knock them out” and tried to punch Pauly. That’s when everything got heavy and the Shore guys are claiming self defence. JWoww was there too and ended up as collateral damage! We feel bad, but at the same time … getting into a fight at a bar? Again?
You know when you have to go to your niece’s vocal recital, and you can tell she’s trying so hard but maybe hasn’t been practicing as much as she should have, so all you can do is stare silently at the program in your lap until it’s all over? In related news,Jersey Shore‘s Deena covered Alicia Keys’ “Fallin'” out of what was apparently sheer boredom, at least according to her YoutTube channel. “[B]ored in my room singing,” the Jersey diva wrote. Makes sense to us! Now, we know about Pauly D’s DJing and The Situation‘s…affordable tuxedos, but maybe singing just isn’t destined to be your calling, Deena. We say go with what you know. Not even the actualJersey Turnpike can do the Jersey Turnpike like you, girl.