As we get older, certain knowledge vacates our brains like cereal pouring out of a box. I can’t remember any formulas from geometry class and I’m not 100-percent certain of my own state bird, but, dammit, I know my Disney characters. We all do. Read more…
Have you ever found yourself crushing on an animated Disney character, and then subsequently chastising yourself for having sexual fantasies about a cartoon? You’re not alone. We all do it. Which is why we’re here to make you feel better.
Christina Aguilera is under no obligation to slip into a leotard and fishnets for all her performances, but what in the name of Kevin-James-looking, Segway-riding, crime-busting mall police did she wear to yesterday’s Disney Parks Christmas Day parade? A long sleeve white button plus an undone silk tie equals Xtina chasing a pack of rowdy teens out of Express. Seriously, it’s rarely a good sign when Minnie Mouse’s Mrs. Santa dress looks more pulled together. Are we right about this, or are we just being a bunch of Grinches?
[Photo: Getty Images]
In addition to a possible Snow White movie (which is, you know, in addition to two other Snow White movies), Disney is currently hoping to land director Mark Romanek for their upcoming Cinderella live-action film. Let’s see, we also have a dark, edgy Little Mermaid and an upcoming Beauty and Beast starring Emma Watson…come on, Aladdin! If we’re going to do this, let’s just do this all the way! Get Robin Williams to be Genie again; he can’t be that busy!
According to Deadline, the plot of the proposed Cinderlly flick sounds more star-crossed romance than dark or edgy, centering around “the re-imaging of the classic tale where the prince is set for a politically arranged marriage, until the evil plan is threatened when the prince meets Cinderella.” Hmmm, it doesn’t sound like this Cinderella will be wieling a glass machete while driving her missile-proof pumpkin carriage through her stepsister’s rooms, but you never know. Jaq and Gus always looked like they could have murder in their tiny, mouse hearts.
[Photo: Walt Disney Productions]
Hollywood is crossing its fingers that you will want to see Disney’s Snow White remake, despite the fact that their film, The Order of the Seven, is the third movie currently in production that’s based on the classic fairy tale. As if Cinderella or Ariel couldn’t wield a sword! Please. Based on the “dark, edgy” description, the film sounds more similar to Kristen Stewart’s Snow White, complete with badass armor and weaponry, than to Lily Collins‘ more traditional princess. In fact, Seven reimagines the fable as a sweeping action epic set in China. What, so now we’re not going to get those half-dozen Mulan remakes we wanted? Pull it together, filmmakers!
According to The Hollywood Reporter, Disney’s movie primarily revolves around the story of the dwarves, who in this version are “a 19th century-set disparate band of international warriors belonging to a centuries-old order who have lost their way. Their meeting with an Englishwoman being chased by an ancient evil is the catalyst for their redemption.” So e can all look forward to fewer baby deer scampering around, way more witches being hurled off of cliffs.
[Photo: Entertainment Weekly/ComingSoon.net/Disney Studios]
Look what we have here. Ke$ha cuddling with The White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland at Disney World’s Magic Kingdom yesterday, looking…. normal. The hair’s not ratty, there are no bottles of Jack lurking around anywhere on her person, no Smurfy blue lipstick and her body parts are adequately covered. We’re even going to take it one step further and say she looks cute! Will wonders ever cease? Then again, they don’t call it the “Magic Kingdom” for nothing, right? Ke$ha, if you ever read this, consider this is our plea to you — familiarize yourself with soap and a hairbrush more often.
[Photo: Splash News Online]
What’s the likelihood that the only reason Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber are dating is to slowly but inevitably Punk the entire United States of America with their so-called relationship? We can never trust their supposed romance now that we know Selena Gomez is filming a new prank show for Disney. “Selena shot the pilot and it’s basically like Ashton Kutcher’s old show but with the Disney kids,” an insider told HollywoodLife. “Selena was having a ton of fun with it. She’s a goof ball at heart.” If by “goof ball” you mean a cruel jokester about to fake- steal Elle Fanning‘s car and pretend to drive it off a cliff, then yeah, she sure is.
The real reason we find news of the Punk’d-like “alternative series” so questionable is that Justin Bieber was rumored to be hosting Punk’d after it was suggested that MTV was considering a re-launch of the show. This all seems too convenient to be an accident. Maybe the news of Gomez’ prank news…is itself a prank? A Punking within a Punking! It’s like Inception, except we know we’re awake.
[Photo: Getty Images]
The Disney Channel has announced that it is renaming the series Sonny With A Chance. The show’s new name will now be So Random, prompting rumors that the series’ star, Demi Lovato, who went to rehab last year, will not return to the show since she is the titular “Sonny.”
In what is perhaps the greatest hyperbolic comparison in pop culture history, co-star Brandon Mychal Smith explains that it’s the show’s evolution and not Lovato’s personal problems that prompted the change. “With a show like ours, and any great show that I’ve seen in the past, like The Wire or Seinfeld, each season you focus on a different concept, a different theory, or maybe a different character’s background…now this season you’ll be able to see So Random, see why we are where we are today in regards to being the teen idols that we are,” Smith said. Okay, he has a point (we guess?) about how these shows evolved each season but… nope, we still can’t get on board with this comparison. We’d say this is more like when our old favorite Valerie’s Family became The Hogan Family when Valerie Harper left the show. Sorry to take you down a peg, Brandon, but yeah, you guys are The Hogan Family, not The Wire.
Lovato has planned to release a special video message to her fans on Monday, so it’s possible she’ll reveal her fate and the fate of the show then.
[Photo: Getty Images]
Disney’s latest ad campaign is pretty sinister indeed. The company has just released some new ads featuring the likes of Queen Latifah, Olivia Wilde, Alec Baldwin, Jeff Bridges, and Penelope Cruz dressed as famous, villainous characters to entice visitors to experience the magic at the Disney Parks. We fully admit that we’re Disney nerds and we especially love the shot of Baldwin as the Magic Mirror to Olivia Wilde’s Wicked Queen…It kind of makes us wish that Wilde was cast in one of the three interpretations of Snow White that are currently being filmed instead of Charlize Theron and Julia Roberts.
Check out our gallery of the ads and some behind the scenes photos from the shoot with photographer Annie Leibovitz.
[Photos: Getty Images]
We can imagine plenty of reasons why Ryan Gosling might remember the The Mickey Mouse Club as “depressing”: insane stage mothers, hideous outfits, lax child labor laws. Or was it because, as Gosling mentions in an interview with Steve Carrell, “in my age bracket, there were seven kids, three of whom were Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, and Justin Timberlake.” Explains Gosling, “It was kind of depressing because when I got there, they realized that I wasn’t really up to snuff in comparison with what some of the other kids were able to do.” No wonder Gosling thought he blew! Imagine being compared to 3 of the biggest pop superstars of the past 15 years. Also, you’re 8.
Reminiscences Ryan, “I remember one time they put four of us in a dance routine, but I was so off. I was on the end, so they just pushed the shot in closer on the other three guys to frame me out. I would just come in at the beginning of the show and then come back at the end, and occasionally I’d have a sketch here or there, but I didn’t end up working that much, which was disheartening.” If it makes you feel any better Ryan, now you’re starring in a hotly anticipated movie with Michelle Williams and Britney Spears has pretty much forgotten how to dance…or sing…or do pretty much anything that would require concentration. And Christina Aguilera may have been an adorable child, but now? She’s looking like Marilyn Monroe got trapped in a tanning bed. From where we’re sitting, you and Timberlake are neck-and-neck for Least Fail. And that is not a depressing place to be at all. [Photos: Getty Images]