by (@hallekiefer)

An Arrest Warrant & A Settled Lawsuit: Just Another Monday For Lindsay Lohan


Just when the world thought she was going to stay clean (yeah, us neither ) Lindsay Lohan is headed back to the clink. Judge Elton Fox just issued an arrest warrant for Lindsay Lohan following a failed drug test last week. Lindsay acknowledged she hasn’t been keeping her nose clean on Friday, tweeting, “Regrettably, I did in fact fail my most recent drug test and if I am asked, I am prepared to appear before judge Fox next week as a result..” We’re sure Lindsay will do much better in jail, where there are no illegal drugs at all, just laughter and sunshine milk. Right? RIGHT?

But with every cocaine-filled cloud there comes a silver lining…made out of money! While she might be getting stripped searched as we speak, Lindsay just settled her E*Trade lawsuit for an amount that reportedly left her “very happy”. Imagine how much met….we mean, how much clean sober living Lindsay can afford now! The suit was over an E*Trade Super Bowl commercial that featured a “milkaholic” baby named Lindsay, which Lohan, and everyone who has ever heard of Lohan, claimed was an obvious riff on the star’s trouble with substance abuse. We hope the promise of all that E*Trade money helps Lindsay sleep at night, though we doubt those prison cots are particular good for getting shut-eye. [Photo: Getty Images]

by (@unclegrambo)

Bruno Mars Busted For Cocaine Possession In Las Vegas

At this point, Bruno Mars is probably best known as the singer of the hook on on B.o.B’s huge hit, “Nothin’ On You.” Well, sadly for him, the Las Vegas Police Department found something on him (get it?) at the Hard Rock Hotel early on Sunday morning. After performing a gig in the hotel, police confronted Mars — real name: Peter Gene Hernandez — in the bathroom and found him in possession of cocaine. And not just a bump or two, either; police claim Mars had 2.6 grams (!) of Bolivian marching powder on his person, more than three times the amount that Paris Hilton was busted with. Judging by the amount of sweat dripping off his forehead in the mugshot above, it seems as if Mars put a pretty good dent in an 8-Ball in a stall before getting pinched by the po-po. Whoops!

We’ll have to wait and see if the Las Vegas court system is as lenient with Mars as they were with the large-footed heiress, but you can bet that his record company is sweating the fallout: Mars was just named as the musical guest for the October 9 episode of Saturday Night Live earlier this morning. Developing!

[Photo: Getty Images]


Shocker: Paris Hilton Will Not Go To Jail For Her Coke Bust

The ONE time Paris Hilton forgets to hide her cocaine in her vagina, she gets busted for it. Figures. Hilton and her boyfriend Cy Waits were arrested in Las Vegas three weeks ago for cocaine possession, but now Vegas lawmakers are offering her a plea deal which will allow her to avoid jail if she chooses to accept it. Wait, what? How is is possible that someone with a list of prior drug charges and a history of blaming them on others gets offered a plea deal? Oh right, she’s famous. And a millionaire. We forgot.

With the plea deal, Paris would have to plead guilty to two misdemeanor charges, a drug count and one count of lying to a police officer, rather than her current charge of felony drug possession. The felony drug possession charge carries a minimum one-year sentence if she’s found guilty – can you imagine Paris in prison for a year? Of course not, and it will never happen. The real criminal justice system is nothing like Law & Order. ‘Cause you know if Sam Waterston was on the case, he’d put her away for life. No word on whether Paris will take the deal, she heads back to court in Vegas on October 27.


Seriously Kids, Don’t Do Drugs

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so for this one, try to think of 1000 synonyms for “drugs”. Pete Doherty, the British musician who famously dated Kate Moss at the time of her cocaine bust and has been reportedly dating Amy Winehouse, doesn’t ever NOT look like this. It’s just funny because this photo was taken outside the courthouse where George Michael was sentenced earlier today for his own drug case. The increased police presence seems not to sit well with Pete, but it makes for one hilarious series of photos for us. We can feel his bouncing knee and nervous jitters from here.

[Photos: Splash News Online/]


George Michael Is Headed To The Whammer Again

We were torn about which headline to choose for this story about George Michael‘s latest jail sentence. George Michael Loses His Freedom (’90)? “You Were Careless,” Whispered The Judge? Or maybe Wake Me Up Before He Go-Goes To Jail? Why, they’re all amazing!  But no punny title will change the fact that George Michael still has the worst driving record of any celebrity we can think of and his latest sentence  – 8 weeks in jail and a five-year license suspension – for recklessly driving into a storefront in July while high on pot and prescription drugs, is appropriate.

Michael is no stranger to any of this: he has been arrested, jailed and had his license suspended in the past numerous times for driving while on drugs. After a 2006 accident, he admitted to being “a terrible driver”. Judge John Perkins expressed regret for having to jail Michael, but explained “It does not appear that you took proper steps to deal with what is clearly an addiction to cannabis. That’s a mistake which puts you and, on this occasion, the public at risk.”

Ironically, Michael was driven to court today by a chauffeur, which would have been a huge help to him in July.


New Book Alleges That Paris Stashes Her Drugs In A Very Special Carry-On…Down There


Luggage, luggage everywhere, and yet none of it’s suitable to hide your stash, especially when you’re flying commercial. Such is the ordeal that faces Paris Hilton when she travels. Hilton, seen here coming home from the World Cup, has been caught with drugs quite a few times this summer – in South Africa and Corsica with marijuana, in Las Vegas with coke that looks like gum. But what about all the times she’s traveled and not been busted? Well, a new book explains just how the heiress conceals illegal substances when she travels…and it’s not pretty.

Author Ryan Simkin, a former employee of professional creep and Hilton ex Joe Francis, wrote a tell-all about the Girls Gone Wild creator, and has a pretty amazing story about Paris in there, explaining how she hides her drugs. The book, subtly titled FLASH! Bars, Boobs, and Busted: 5 Years on the Road with Girls Gone Wild was excerpted in Gawker today and contains the following passage, explaining how Hilton planned to travel with a cigarette box full of cocaine and ecstasy:

I took out the Camel box and handed it to her, and she thanked me. We talked for a minute or two about the apparent difficulty of procuring those drugs in Europe. I asked if she was flying private, and she said, “No, commercial.” And then as politely as I could, I asked her how she planned on traveling with that amount of blow and X. She held the box in her right hand, and then with an underhand swoop like a lower case J, she demonstrated exactly how she intended to beat airport security. She even whistled as she did it. A little alley-oop with the Camel Box, straight up her snatch.

Yup, there she is just sticking a rigid box full of drugs right up herself. In a way we’re not shocked. Well, not shocked that there’s room up there, anyway. We doubt  that her vagina is the smallest room the Hilton hotel chain offers, given the amount of travelers it’s seen. What’s shocking is the amount of confidence Paris has in this story, if it’s to be believed. Because if she was caught traveling with that many hardcore drugs inside herself, there’s really no one else she could blame this on, as is her usual m.o.

Do you believe that Paris would be this bold and stupid, or is this just a story fabricated to sell books? It’s a good thing the TSA is rolling out those full body scanners soon, huh?

[Photo: Paris Hilton’s TwitPic]


Bob Marley’s Daughter Pleads Guilty To – What Else? – Growing Pot


In news that will shock no one, Bob Marley‘s youngest daughter Makeda pleaded guilty to growing marijuana in her home. Marley lives in Pennsylvania and was arrested in 2008 after police found a dozen pot plants at her home. As part of her plea deal, she will not face the mandatory one-year sentence that normally comes with this type of drug charge. Instead, her lawyers are pushing for probation and she will be sentenced next month.

We would never want to obstruct justice or trivialize drugs, but really, isn’t Makeda just fulfilling her destiny as a Marley? Is anyone actually surprised that she, the youngest of Marley’s children, likes the mary jane and might grow some of her own? She’s not breaking the law, she’s just doing what’s in her genetic code.  Of course, who knew living in Pennsylvania was also part of the Marley genetic code? We didn’t see that one coming.

[Photo: Photobucket]

by (@missmuttoo)

Newlyweds T.I. And Tameka Arrested For Possession – Was It Ecstasy?

What a way to start a life together. TMZ reports that rapper T.I. and Tameka Cottle were arrested around 10.30pm last night on the alleged charges of possession of a controlled substance. Way to celebrate a one month anniversary! T.I. and “Tiny”  were thrice-married a month ago, remember?

By the looks of it, it doesn’t sound good for the couple at all. T.I’s already on probation! When cops from the L.A County Sheriff’s department pulled them over, they apparently smelled pot, which led to them searching the Maybach the couple was rolling in. They must’ve found something because they ending up slapping cuffs on them both.

T.I. is still on probation from gun charges, so we’re curious what this means in terms of violating his parole, more jail time, etc. But hey  – he could always just do what Paris Hilton did and claim the drugs just magically appeared in a borrowed purse!

by (@unclegrambo)

With A Purse Full Of Cocaine And A Car Full Of Weed (Allegedly), What Was Paris Doing With Albuterol?


As the world knows by now, Paris Hilton had herself quite the Friday night. She was arrested by the Las Vegas police on cocaine possession charges after the cops spotted her and boyfriend Cy Waits hotboxing on the Vegas strip. Whoops!

Well, TMZ is now reporting that prosecutors are planning to charge Paris with possession of a controlled substance as early as this afternoon, a charge that could land her behind bars for four years. According to police, Paris was in possession of 0.8 grams of cocaine — about a quarter of an 8-ball — which is enough to be considered a felony in the great state of Nevada.

However, the police report also notes that in addition to cocaine, marijuana and other drug paraphernalia (Zig Zags!), Paris also had a “broken tablet of Albuterol,” a prescription medication that is normally used to treat wheezing, in her purse. Assuming of course that Paris isn’t a closet asthmatic (Is she? Email us Nicky!), what would she be doing with Albuterol when she’s already high on weed and coke?

Well, according to the internet (always a reputable source!), Albuterol is a stimulant that “raises blood pressure, heart rate and helps the body burn fat.” Ah, we see, it’s a trendy new designer weight loss drug (that will no doubt skyrocket in popularity now that Paris had it in her purse)! Interestingly enough, it is frequently abused by bodybuilders when they’re trying to cut weight before a big event. Is there something you’re not telling us, Paris?

[Photos: Getty Images, Drugs.com]

by (@hallekiefer)

Lady Gaga Says Drugs Inspire Her, In Case We Hadn’t Picked Up On That Yet.


Despite getting slammed for sort-of, maybe, possibly glamorizing drug use in last month’s Vanity Fair, it’s now clear that for Lady Gaga, drugs played a big role in making her the pantless household name she is today. Says Gaga, “[Using drugs] I really figured out the art I wanted to make and was inspired. Some people find inspiration in dark places. I guess I’m one of them.” Well, of course she was using drugs! People don’t typically think to wear a see-through latex nun’s habit if they’re just drinking lemonade and playing Yatzee with their memaw.

The singer also describes how, “At the beginning I was doing performance art in handmade leather and leopard bikinis talking about oral sex and Andy Warhol and heavy metal. My mom was like, ‘You’ve lost your mind.’ I was doing drugs, I was really out of control. But I never got so far into it that I overdosed or anything.” Let’s be honest here; anyone who has remembers Gaga’s Mets game fiasco, where the singer flipped off the cameras while wearing only her underpants in front of 40,000 baseball fans, probably shouldn’t be too surprisedby this.  Gag insists she has cut back on using, but admits “I won’t lie; it’s occasional. And when I say occasional, I mean maybe a couple of times a year.” And when she says maybe a couple times a year, she means before every major television appearance. Oh, right, and before every Mets games.

[Photo: Splash News Online]